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Contents

1. Introduction. Wherein I welcome you to the newsletter.
2. Latest News. Wherein I encourage you to purchase my latest projects, most notably Sick House, in a non-pushy manner.
3. Upcoming Appearances. Wherein I share my whereabouts to potential stalkers.
4. Interview. Wherein I argue with myself like some kind of lunatic.
5. More Q&A. Wherein I answer more questions carefully written by myself.
6. Short story. Wherein you read the tale "A Real Haunting."
7. Links. Wherein I share ways for me to be part of your life much more frequently than this "monthly" newsletter.
 

Introduction

Hi, everyone! Welcome to the ninth issue of the Jeff Strand newsletter, unless you count the special newsletter to let you know that the Everything Has Teeth hardcover limited edition was available (it sold out quickly--thanks!!!) in which case this is the tenth. I'll have another "bonus" newsletter later this month to alert you to a jaw-droppingly good deal on the digital editions of the Andrew Mayhem series, so it's probably time to stop counting them and just call this "January 2018."

Latest News

My latest novel, Sick House, is now available in a Kindle edition. The trade paperback will follow soon. The hardcover limited edition will follow less soon. Scroll on down for a lot more information about this book. 

My next young adult novel, How You Ruined My Life, will be out April 3, 2018 from Sourcebooks, though if you're really ambitious you can pre-order it from Amazon. SPOILER ALERT: It's another goofy comedy. 

My post-apocalyptic horror/comedy novella An Apocalypse of Our Own is now available in a Kindle edition. Can the friend zone survive the end of the world...? 

I wrote the introduction to Wrestle Maniacs, an anthology of professional wrestling-themed stories. Or did I just transcribe the words of Pulverizing Pat McCrunch? Decide for yourself and get a copy right HERE

Upcoming Events 

February 2-4, 2018. DAYS OF THE DEAD. Atlanta, Georgia. I’ll be part of the Atlanta Author Showcase, doing a reading with Nancy Collins and Darrel Grizzle.

February 9, 2018. TRINITY PREP AUTHOR FESTIVAL. Winter Park, Florida. 3:00-6:00 PM. Young adult authors galore! Free and open to the public.

March 1-4, 2018. STOKERCON. Providence, Rhode Island. This will be my tenth (!) and final time emceeing the Bram Stoker Awards banquet. Be there!

March 15-18, 2018CORAL SPRINGS FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS. Coral Springs, Florida. On the 17th, I’ll be doing an hour-long workshop on “Stick With It! Sustaining Your Writing Passion in a Brutal Business.”

March 18-23, 2018. BOOK TOUR WITH STACIE RAMEY. We’re embarking on a six-state (Florida, Georgia, Alabama, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee) book tour to promote our latest young adult novel releases. Details in my February newsletter!

July 19-22, 2018. NECON. Bristol, Rhode Island. The most fun convention of them all! About as goofy and laid back as a horror convention gets. Plus: saugies!

August 3-5, 2018. SCARES THAT CAREWilliamsburg, Virginia. I attended in 2015 and it was one of the best conventions I’d attended…and then the next two years it was the same weekend at Necon, and I felt great sorrow. But now I’m BACK!!!

August 24-26, 2018. KILLERCON. Austin, Texas. The best barbecue I’ve ever had was in Austin. I’m not sure I’ll eat any that’s served at a horror convention in Texas, though…

Jeff Strand Interviews Himself About His Latest Book



Spoooooky cover. Is it safe to say that this one isn't another romantic comedy, Kumquat-boy? 


I'm primarily classified as a horror writer, but I haven't actually published many books that I'd call flat-out "horror." Sick House is flat-out horror. 

No macabre humor in this one?

It has a lot of humor, but so do Pressure and Dweller

What's it about?

It combines the "home invasion" genre with a ghost story. I'm trying to say as little about it as possible, but you've gotta blab something about the plot if you want people to actually, y'know, buy a copy.

What made you do a straight-up horror novel?

I'm not good at being locked into a single type of book, and I've had success with YA comedies and non-horror adult novels like Cyclops Road. But if you surveyed my biggest fans and said "What do you want that guy to write next?" most of the really hardcore fans would say that they wanted another "serious" horror novel. So this one is for the hardcore fans. 

Who did the freaky cover?

Lynne Hansen, who's done the covers to almost all of my digital editions.

Will she do my cover? I mean, I'd give her money, of course.

She sure will! Click the link in the previous answer for more details.

Could you repeat the link? I don't like to scroll up. I like to always be moving forward. Some of us stare through the windshield and some of us stare at the rear-view mirror, and I'm a windshield guy, beeyotch! 

Sure.  

Will there be a paperback edition?

Yes. Soon.

Will there be a hardcover limited edition?

Yes. Not quite as soon. 

How can I purchase the terror-filled creepy horror of Sick House

Click this link right here
 

More Q&A

How are things in Atlanta?

Cold! My yard is covered with a blanket of snow. If I wanted my yard to be filled with a blanket of snow, I could just live up in Minnesota.

How are things in Atlanta besides the cold?

Great! Found a really good sushi buffet. You probably think of sushi buffets as an excellent way to get poisoned but not this one. 

How many times have you listened to the Moana soundtrack since seeing the movie?

That is none of your business. 

What are you working on now?

A novel called Bring Her Back, a "punch to the gut" thriller that I think fans of stuff like Pressure will really like. 

How far are you into it?

Farther than you'd think. This one is flowing nicely. 

Short Story

A Real Haunting

Copyright 2018 by Jeff Strand
 
Randy had hoped he'd intern for a genuinely great television show. He'd dreamt of being flown to Belfast to work on Game of Thrones, or maybe he'd spend the summer in New Mexico on the set of Better Call Saul, or perhaps he'd even go to New York City to type stuff up for the teleprompter of The Daily Show.
 
He didn't think that he'd be deep in the woods of Wisconsin, getting coffee for the crew of a  ghost hunting show. If it had been one of, say, the best eighteen ghost hunter shows on basic cable, it would've been fine, but this was pretty close to the bottom.
 
The hosts were Dave and Penny. They both claimed to have doctorate degrees in parapsychology, though their advanced study was squandered on paranormal investigations where they'd basically just walk around a house wearing night vision goggles, pointing and saying "Did you see that? Did you see that?" Penny would occasionally pretend to walk through a cold spot.
 
"Have you ever seen a real ghost?" Randy asked one of the cameramen as he handed him his coffee.
 
"Hell no." The cameraman took a sip and grimaced. "Is there cream and sugar in this?"
 
"Yes, just like you asked."
 
"I said no cream and no sugar."
 
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get you another one."
 
"No, no, no, that's fine. I can get it. I was walking over there anyway. I'm not always good at enunciating, so I'm sure it was my fault."
 
Everybody on the set was extremely nice to him. Since it was his first day, that made sense, though it almost felt like they pitied him. Sure, he felt sorry for himself, considering where he was doing his internship, but he felt that the real pity should be reserved for those who would still be doing this job after he went back to school.
 
They were capturing footage out in the woods before moving to the "haunted" cabin, where Dave and Penny would share an uninteresting story of its history before walking around and having nothing happen. Credit where it was due: the show was too boring for any of it to have been faked.
 
When they reached the cabin itself, Randy had to admit that it did look kind of creepy from the outside. Of course, so did all cabins in the woods. Randy was much more concerned about an axe-wielding maniac than a ghost.
 
"Where's the intern?" asked Penny. She glanced around and then smiled when she saw him. "Come on," she said, waving him over. "We need you inside."
 
Randy followed her into the cabin. Dave was already in there. He was holding a chainsaw, even though Randy saw no firewood in the cabin that needed cutting. Clearly this was some sort of photo shoot; a publicity shot for the new season.
 
Penny closed the door behind them, which was odd, since none of the other crew members were inside yet. Surely it would be more productive if the door were to remain open, right? It would save everybody the hassle of opening and closing the door, especially if they were carrying heavy equipment.
 
"What's going on?" Randy asked.
 
"Our show sucks," said Dave. "We've never seen a ghost. We've never even seen a reflection in glass that momentarily made us think we were looking at a ghost."
 
"We have far too much integrity to fake a haunting," said Penny. "But we don't have too much integrity to try to create a real one. Therefore, this cabin is going to be the scene of a violent, horrific, bloody murder. That's the kind of thing that generates ghosts. And that, I'm afraid, is why we needed you, Randy."
 
Randy shook his head.  "I'm not going to kill anybody for you."
 
Dave frowned. "No, I feel like you're missing the point..."
 
"You're the future ghost," said Penny. "Dave is going to dismember you with a chainsaw, and then after the crew cleans up we're going to do our show, and if you come back from another plane of existence, we're asking you to be as noisy and photogenic as possible."
 
"Wait, what?"
 
* * *
 
Ten minutes later, chunks of the intern were strewn all over the cabin.
 
Admittedly, this was their seventh attempt to haunt this frickin' cabin and none of them had worked. But they tried to be more violent and messier each time. One of these murders was bound to do the trick.
 
* * *
 
Randy did come back as a ghost, joining the other six. But they all had a pact to reveal no evidence of their existence whatsoever. Screw Dave and Penny. 
 

Links

If you want our relationship to be more than a once-a-month thing, here are your various options short of peeking in my windows:
 
My website, http://www.jeffstrand.com, which is also my blog.
 
You can, of course, follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JeffStrand
 
I have two Facebook pages, and I'll be honest, I haven't quite figured out how to differentiate them. In theory, one is for friends and one is for fans, but, c'mon, you're all my friends. Friend me at https://www.facebook.com/JeffStrandAuthor and "Like" me at https://www.facebook.com/JeffStrandAuthorFanPage/.
 
Yep, I'm on Goodreads! https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/207708.Jeff_Strand
 
And Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/jeffstrandauthor/
 
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