ISSUE NO.11 | NOVEMBER 2016
Change Is Growth:
Shedding Light On Our Blind Spots
Blind spots--don't we all have them? True friends not only reveal them to you, but they help you correct them, too. Thank God for friends who help us grow.
A Second Set of Eyes
It seems that whenever we have a discussion about love, marriage, and relationships with someone much older and wiser than us, the question always comes up, What's your secret? How did you make it work all these years? And the classic response is, He/she never tried to change me. They just let me be me.
We hear this response time and time again in movies and books, and it sounds quite simple and nice. However, I started to do some thinking--I think I've changed Dusty, and he has definitely changed me! Does that mean we're doomed?!
Dusty is a communicator, and never lets a conflict go unresolved. The other night, we got into an argument and neither one of us wanted to back down. Eventually, we both exhausted ourselves and calmed down. I opened my heart, let my guard down, and asked, What do I need to do to change? It was difficult to hear his perception of how I had been acting and how I had made him feel. Afterwards, he asked me to tell him where it was that he was falling short.
We all have blind spots--characteristics, mannerisms, and behavioral patterns we are simply unable to see.
The following day I was thinking about our past arguments, and how the same issues kept coming up; it took some quiet time to find clarity. The list-making, neat-freak in me decided to grab out a sticky note and write down the three areas that I felt I needed to work on: Think Positive, Show Love, Be Graceful.
- Think Positive: I knew that I had been speaking too much on the negative--my fears, worries, and frustrations--unloading. Everything starts with a thought, so I'm working on being conscious of finding the silver lining and flipping any negatives into positives.
- Show Love: A lot of the time, I get so wrapped up in my thoughts and forget to express gratitude towards others. A kind thought unshared never blossoms into a compliment. Warm feelings left unexpressed never become a hug. I need to express more of my love!
- Be Graceful: I'm a busy-body--always on the go. I tend to get myself worked up, thinking that there aren't enough hours in the day. Slow, steady breaths, quiet time, softness, and stillness calm the body and mind. I'm working on maintaining a balance between work and rest, and moving through my day gracefully.
Positive thoughts can make it easier to express feelings of love, and expressing feelings of love can soften and fill us with grace.
These three blind spots that I'm working on may or may not apply to you; if they do, write them on a sticky and put it somewhere as a daily reminder. The best way to become aware of your blind spots is to ask someone who loves and knows you well--whether it be a spouse, a parent, or a best friend.
Change Is Growth
So do I think a long-lasting and successful relationship is built on the idea of never trying to change the other person? Certainly not! Looking back only a couple of years, Dusty has helped me to change in so many wonderful ways, and I can only hope that I've done the same for him! For example, he has helped me to overcome my shyness by encouraging me to get out of my comfort zone. He has helped me to become more confident and continually shows me what it means to chill out, relax, enjoy life, and laugh often!
Embrace Change. Change Is Growth.
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