We will come out of our bankruptcy stronger and less bankrupt
Dear Reader,
As you may have seen in the press, The Chaser was forced to call in administrators during the week to deal with a very minor issue, namely that we ran up $5 billion on my mum's credit card, and we spent the last $20 of that on a bottle of hand sanitiser that turned out to be tap water.
Some people might say that running up $5 billion in debt was a mistake. But when we bought $4.8 billion worth of fidget spinners back in 2018, it actually seemed like a prudent investment. Everyone was buying them. They were flying off the shelves.
Nobody could have predicted the bottom would fall out of the fidget spinner market. (I mean, sure, Bill Gates did a Ted Talk saying exactly that in 2015, but what does Bill Gates know?)
In recent weeks various smug know-it-alls in the press have been saying that borrowing $5 billion was a bit of a mistake. But actually it was smart. The critics just don't understand clever corporate structures.
Do you know what the interest payments on my mum's $5 billion credit card bill was? Neither do I, but it would have been tons, right? Like, an "oh dear, I might just pay the minimum amount again this month"-style number.
Now, I know you probably think it was a huge waste paying all that interest, but actually according to my mates in the finance industry, it was pure genius.
Mum's credit card bill was so high it was mathematically impossible for us to ever make a profit, no matter how many fidget spinners we sold. Now you might think that's bad. But no. That's WHY it's genius. Only businesses that turn a profit get taxed, right? So we never paid any tax. Brilliant, huh? God, taxpayers are suckers.
Anyway, we're now calling on the government to use taxpayer's money to bail us out. I know it might feel a tad hypocritical of us, but frankly you don't have much choice. Australia needs two reliable suppliers of fidget spinners. Many of you are probably too young to remember, but back in the early 2000s, Australia only had one supplier of Yo-Yo's. Nobody wants to see a return to $1000 Yo-Yos.
Likewise, $1000 fidget spinners is inconceivable, especially if Australia is going to have a fidget spinner-led recovery.
(By the way, if you are kicking the tyres and thinking of buying us, The Chaser doesn't actually own any fidget spinners. We actually leased them from a guy overseas. So strictly speaking, you'll be buying a fidget spinner business minus the fidget spinners).
Anyway, we'll stay in contact with you while we're restructuring mainly by sending you weird emails that don't really tell you anything, and I'm confident that when bidders look at our underlying business, they'll realise the fundamental value of owning a debt-laden fidget spinner business that doesn't own any fidget spinners.
And as I mentioned a few weeks ago -- you can rest assured that your Chaser Points are not going anywhere. Mainly because you can't redeem them for anything.
NEW VIDEO
The Chaser has managed to get its hands on a leaked copy of the ad that the Federal Government is going to roll out to encourage people to download its tracking app. We've posted the video to Facebook -- check it out.
NEW PODCAST
Episode 2 of our brand new podcast, The Chaser Report, comes out today. Thanks to Dylan Behan at News Fighters podcast, we now have a list of links to The Chaser Report for all the major podcast apps:
Please have a listen, and remember to subscribe in your podcast app.
Charles Firth
Managing Editor
A few other things...
 THE CHASER QUARTERLY - 22-page sample online
Even in lockdown, you can still browse a free 22-page sampler of our latest book at ChaserShop.com. The fully revised second edition of The Anti-Expert's Guide to Everything includes a tasteful guide to how to cure coronavirus the natural way, without the pesky use of Western science.
THE CHASER REPORT PODCAST
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