Here, have a hug

Dear Chaser Employees,

There have been some murmurings among our non-executive level staff in recent weeks that the wages we pay you aren't enough to live on anymore. The first sign of this was when I bumped into our Senior Editor at Coles last Friday night. She seemed to think it was awkward, but I thought what she was doing was great. Those shelves don't stack themselves, do they?

Nonetheless, I feel I owe you some sort of explanation for why your wages among our millennial staff members haven't gone up since 1879. At the end of last year, when I was setting the pay rates, I was looking at purchasing a yacht for my daughter. As you probably know, docking fees for yachts are just ridiculous nowadays. Anyway, point is, there wasn't enough left over to give any of you a pay rise.

In fact, some of you have probably noticed your wages have gone down since the beginning of July thanks to the lower penalty rates that the government brought in. As a result, a lot of you are getting very hungry, and that's leading to a loss of staff morale.

When I get hungry, I get grumpy, so I totally understand where you're coming from. Just the other day, I was finishing up the back nine at the Royal Sydney and I realised I hadn't had anything to eat since morning tea. I had to get the caddy to go and get me some pre-lunch canapes from the club house. So I totally empathise with your situation.

As a result, I'm pleased to announce that from today onwards, we will be offering hugs to all millennial staff members to address their woeful underpayment and appalling conditions. Obviously, due to Covid-19 restrictions, we won't be able to hand out hugs at this point, but just know that we would give you some hugs if we could. And it's the thought that counts.

Hope that helps.

Charles Firth
Managing Editor
The Chaser

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PODCAST - New episode out today

This week, Dom Knight discovers the world's most expensive Indian meal, Charles Firth takes Donald Trump's cognitive test and Nina Oyama finds out how to place a hex on the moon. Plus the latest Chaser headlines with Rebecca De Unamuno. Stream it online on our website or at Nova or download it in any podcast app, including:

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