The Chaser welcomes our new mining executive overlords
Dear Reader,
I'll be honest when I say I'm a little disappointed in all of you. Everyone's been so worried about how the hell they're going to pay their rent next week they haven't spared a single thought for Australia's mining executives. Not a single headline about how their stock portfolios are faring during this difficult period. Not even a Andrew Bolt hot-take on how coal companies are the real battlers in this whole thing.
Luckily, the Federal Government has been thinking of them.
On Wednesday, while everyone was still trying to work out which half of their hair they wanted to get cut within 30 minutes, the Federal Government decided not to make too much of a fuss over the formation of the Coronavirus Coordination Committee. It's a small committee. Nothing to see really. Not worth looking at. It's just going to oversee the entire reconstruction of the Australian economy after this crisis is over.
Now you might think there'd be a medical professional on the committee? And maybe someone from the tech world, seeing as this whole crisis has depended on tech to work from home? Perhaps someone who wants to make sure the people who lose their livelihoods get a look in? Someone from the tourism sector? Hospitality perhaps?
Not so much. The committee is headed by Nev Power, a mining magnate. It's good to see mining get a look for once.
As for the rest of the committee, it's a diverse array of mining executives from all walks of life. Greg Combet, who now runs a company that just bought an oil pipeline business, Catherine Tanner, the head of the company which owns most of the largest coal-fired power stations in Australia and Jane Holton, a board member of ANZ Bank, the bank that funds the most fossil fuel projects out of the big four.
Never let a crisis go to waste, huh?
If this crisis has done anything, it's made people think: what do we want Australia to look like after the virus has been defeated? The government has now answered that: exactly the same as before.
On the upside though, if anyone is struggling to know where their next meal is coming from, rest assured, this committee is well-placed to ensure there'll be plenty of coal for them to eat.
HOMESCHOOLING UPDATE
If you're one of the 2.5 million parents currently having the delightful experience of home schooling just be warned -- there are a lot of serious errors with the computer programs provided by the schools. I've been astounded how often the computers have been getting maths problems wrong, especially when it comes to long division, algebra and integration.
So don't get too worried if none of your answers line up with what the computer says. It must be a bug in the software or something.
 THE CHASER QUARTERLY - New 22-page sample online
You can't (safely) browse the book in bookshops anymore, so we've created a free 22-page sampler of the book at ChaserShop.com. The fully revised second edition includes a tasteful guide to how to cure coronavirus the natural way, without the pesky use of Western science.
EXTREME VETTING PODCAST - New episodes
Do you happen to be in lockdown? We've been fast tracking a new series of our Extreme Vetting podcast to make sure you've got something interesting to listen to while you endure weeks of not being able to do anything. A new episode featuring Tony Martin is out this week.
Subscribe to Extreme Vetting with The Chaser on Apple iTunes, Spotify or just search for it in your favourite podcast app. Or checkout chaser.com.au/podcasts for full transcripts of the episodes as they're added.
Charles Firth
Managing Editor
P.S. I thought of a postscript for today, but then I forgot it again.
LIVE SHOWS
All our live shows have been postponed till later in the year. Frustratingly, it's up to the venue / festival to contact you about how to rebook or get a refund. Those emails should have reached you by now. Thank you for your patience and understanding. We've managed to find dates for later in the year. We'll keep you up to date once those ticketing website go live.
- Brisbane - 30th September - BOOK NOW
- Sydney - 7th October - TIX AVAILABLE SOON
- Canberra - 15th October - TIX AVAILABLE SOON
You can't see the show, but you can buy the book that the show is based on. The Anti-Expert's Guide to Everything (Second Edition) - with a special section on how to cope with the coronavirus. Just $24.95 -- which is cheaper than a ticket to the live show.
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