So... you don't happen to need some barley, do you?
Dear Reader,
We've got a bit of a problem here at head office. I'm not going to bore you with the yawn-fest about how it happened, but we've ended up with about 1.1 million metric tonnes of barley that we need to offload pretty quickly.
I mean, I suppose we could just leave it lying there in the reception area, but I fear the mice infestation will start to affect morale after a while.
Thing is -- barley is a great product. The Chinese have been buying it for years. So if you happen to have a herd of cattle, or own an industrial brewery, or bakery perhaps, get in contact because we're happy to do a great deal on the stuff.
Perhaps you could consider buying a herd of cattle, so that you can buy some barley from us? How about that?
I mean, I'm sure with the lockdown, you haven't been shopping in a while. You've probably saved up some money that you would have otherwise have spent on shoes or clothes or entertainment? Why not dive back into shopping by going on a barley buying spree?
In fact, if you visit our website and use the coupon code "FUCKUP", we'll send you 20 metric tonnes of the stuff absolutely free. But hurry -- the mice are getting more bold by the day.
(Oh -- and it looks like we might also have a stack of coal too that China isn't going to buy. Anyone want to build 900 extra coal-fired power stations to get rid of the stuff?)
Charles Firth
Managing Editor
P.S. We're releasing a comedy album next week ("The Non-Essential Collection") as a tribute to all the non-essential workers who've sat around during the pandemic not being particularly useful. I'll email about it on Monday.
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A few other things...
PODCAST - New episode
 The Chaser Report is out today. Dom talks hydroxychloroquine, Andrew looks at songs about covid for toddler, and Charles celebrates the end of homeschooling. Plus, did you know that Australia has an Opposition Leader? We didn't.
The Chaser Report delivers all the news you can't trust. Stream it online on our website or at Nova or download it in any podcast app, including:
 THE CHASER QUARTERLY - 22-page sample online
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VIDEO
Would you be willing to sacrifice an elderly relative for the sake of our economy? You might be surprised by how many of you are willing. Check out our latest video on YouTube or Twitter or Facebook.
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