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RELOVENSHIP: E-Newsletter No.6 April, 2016
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In this issue No.6, April 2016

Hello <<First Name>>,

Divorces. Separations. Not an easy topic by any stretch of the imagination. Circumstances and situations can certainly differ from one break up to another, yet, the one common denominator between them is that they are all emotionally charged up.  


For many, separations are simply brutal. And for a few, while they may eventually be conducted in a friendly manner the fact remains, one of the ego's partner was most likely bruised up in the process.  It's just the nature of things. 

In this month's issue we tackle this very sensitive subject from the standpoint of "recovery:"
-How do you start to get back on your feet after a painful breakup?
-What can one do to to stop the self-pity or self-defeating stories and move on with one's life?
-Who can be of most help and comfort when it seems impossible to start over?

Our Coaches' answers to these questions and a few more are ahead in the Coaching Advice section. But first, in A Word from Mario, see how he unveils a troubling constant factor about men who find themselves facing an unwanted divorce or separation.    
A word from Mario 

This is a true story. A few weeks ago I started to study and research this topic for Huffington Post. We were asked, along with other so-called experts, to share our views on the "unwanted effects of divorce" and "how people can pick up what's left of their lives and move on." 

After browsing the web for a few hours, I decided to step outside to do a bit of work around the house, but mainly, to digest what my main findings were. This is something I do on a regular basis, not the manual work (trust me on this...) but just the habit of getting away from my desk after a while to let my brain do the processing. 

As I was weeding out our driveway, the UPS truck showed up with a delivery. We order a lot of stuff online so this was not unusual, however, what unfolded after really was one of those "omen" moments. Through the years, I had seen that UPS driver dozens of times in our neighborhood and pulling in front of our house. Aside from the customary nods or thank you's, him and I had never engaged in a real conversation. That particular afternoon though, after I had buried my head in all sorts of divorce data, out of the blue my "new friend"  started to share with me "how his wife of 30+ years" had recently left him! According to his version of things -I never got to hear the other party--this was something he had never seen coming, and thus, was completely devastated...

It is a situation a lot more common than most people think. A study published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, correlates that about two thirds of divorces in the United States are initiated by women.  Many other studies in the U.K. show percentages as high as 72% for a “female initiated divorce.”  Of course experts have examined all kinds of gendered, cultural and societal data to try to explain their findings, but the fact remains: many men find themselves facing an unwanted divorce or separation.
 
Apart from encouraging him and wishing him all the best, I didn't do any coaching with the Delivery Man that afternoon. He had a route to cater to and I had to continue to battle the weeds infestation... But I have worked with a good bunch of men who fit his profile. You want to know what they have in common? Aside from the obvious pain that they all partake, the unifying thread I found with most of them is one that still baffles me whenever they share it with me:  THEY DIDN’T SEE IT COMING.  And they say this with convincing emotions! They had no clue the relationship was in jeopardy so this divorce/separation “thing” came in as a total surprise.
 
In the coaching that Diane and I do, our fundamental approach is individual centric. This means that we firmly believe one cannot move on with his or her love life without taking a profound look at oneself first. In other words, the starting points to analyze our relationship results should always be internal –within ourselves- rather than looking at external factors, reasons or excuses. With that in mind, here are the 3 most important tips I give to men who live an unwanted divorce or separation.

 

What People Are Saying

Below are some comments made by Media personalities on Mario & Diane's work. If you read their book, they would certainly appreciate your review on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Beyond book sales, reviews are authors' true legacy. 

"Mario & Diane,
It was our great pleasure having you "ON POINT!" Reading "RELOVENSHIP" speaks openly about the shortcomings of your lives and past relationships which gives the reader hope. RELOVENSHIP illustrates the Power in the prefix "RE," which means to do again, to Re generate and to Re Start... Though you may have experienced hurt in past relationships there is an opportunity to heal one’s self, through self-truth and the power of God!"

Carlette Christmas - On Point Talk Radio Host  
www.onpointcxmas.com


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"I recently interviewed Diane and Mario on Radio MD. They offered great advice about love and relationships, and they were very fun to speak with. Love and relationship advice are always popular and this couple has plenty of great advice on keeping those relationships strong.

Radio MD STAY WELL
Melanie Cole MS

WWW.RadioMD.com


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"ReLovenship™ Look Within to Love Again! is an excellent book by Mario and Diane Cloutier which emphasises the importance of taking control of your thoughts and goals before seeking a potential partner. This book advocates the need to become reacquainted with oneself and learn to truly love oneself before seeking a partner. As a step by step guide, written from the male and female perspectives, the advice is refreshingly sound and direct and I had many views in common with the authors. I hope this book will inspire people to create a powerful intention of being happy, successful and finding the right partner."

by 
www.readersfavorite.com
 
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From Our Readers

“I found out about ReLovenship from a dear friend and I am SO glad I did. It is the type of self-help book that requires serious introspect. I recently went through a painful divorce. We still love each other very much, but the relationship was toxic. ReLovenship helped me answer the tough questions... I learned how to value myself, set my boundaries, and recognize my self-worth. I am so grateful for Diane and Mario's insight and would definitely recommend this book to others!” ─Nisha
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“I had the extreme pleasure of meeting Mario and Diane at a book signing here in Florida. They are an absolute beautiful couple. They exude love. So here is my honest review of ReLovenship:
I deal with a lot of couples who come to me for relationship advice because they feel my husband and I have the "perfect" relationship. But nothing is perfect, especially not our relationship. I think God sent Mario and Diane to me, because I needed this book in my life.
I realized what was going wrong in our relationship. I was busy trying to figure out who I was and my husband was just there. I felt like he wasn't with me. I felt like he wasn't loving me the way I wanted. What ReLovenship has taught me is that I have find love for myself first. I’ve read the book and it has allowed me to work on myself. My husband isn't a reader, but he has it on the night stand as apart of his to be read list.
This book made me take a hard look at who I was and am. It made me think back figure out what my "stories" are and how my past affects my future. Chapter 4 made me take a hard look at my secrets. My husband and I had a heart to heart in therapy and I had to come clean of all the wrong I had done in our relationship. This book hands down help save my marriage. I plan on sharing it with all my friends whether they are single, dating, engaged or married. We all must focus on loving ourselves.”
Martha
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“A true gem. I read Relovenship twice. As a professional matchmaker and dating coach I keep a copy in my office and highly recommend it to my clients. You can find love and with the right attitude and right tools you can succeed. Relovenship is definitely one of the right tools to help you in your quest for a fulfilling relationship.” Joan
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"This book is ideal for everyone! It is not only a great book for anyone looking for love or trying to find their soul mate. It's also a wonderful book for understanding yourself prior to taking the next steps into a relationship. There are many chapters you will want to read twice and many pages you will want to highlight!" ── Robyn


 

Coaching Advice

If you have ever experienced a separation after having been involved in a "serious" relationship, you know how painful it can be. For many of us who have experienced it, the mere memory of the breakup still makes us feel sick to our stomach. So the question is:
 

Is it more difficult for a man or for a woman?
 

No it's not. We strongly believe the pain is not limited to, or more intense for a specific gender. However, what we agree with is that "the unwanted effects of divorce/separation" and "how people can pick up what's left of their lives and move on," depends heavily on how one can muster the courage to look at oneself with the utmost honesty. Those are the most important ingredients to overcome such situations: Courage and Honesty
You'll find them, over and over again, in our 3-Course Meal 
Separation Recovery Recipe

Denial Is Only Denying You
Whether you are a man or a woman, you need to read this carefully if you’re amongst the
I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING GUYS…”
Maybe you heard him or her saying on the way out “It’s not you…It’s me.” And you bought that.
So perhaps you’ve been repeating to your pals and to yourself:
“We had it all! We had the perfect relationship!” You did not. Because He or She left! 
There were clues. There’s always “writing on the wall.” Bottom line is this: you lived in denial.

Deep down, you knew and you know something was off. But you chose to look the other way. You chose to deny it, and because you did, now you still make the same decision to carry on with it. You keep on saying, “I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING.” Stop the denial. The time has come for you to look at your own behavior in that relationship and take responsibility. It’s about owning and understanding your behavior. Look back at the clues and ask yourself “What could I have done to prevent this?” Here’s a starting hint: ADDRESSING a situation will ALWAYS improve your outcome rather than IGNORING it.
Denial is only Denying You.
 
Stop The Blaming Game
We find that too many of us get stuck in our past. We play what we call the blaming game.  We’re very good at blaming ourselves and blaming the others or the circumstances for what happened in our lives. What is key to understand is, that THIS IS NOT ABOUT the OTHER or the CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS IS ABOUT US, so it means taking responsibility for our results.

In order to move ahead with our lives, at one point we need to learn to forgive ourselves or the other for whatever happened. It’s certainly not an easy thing to do. It’s sometimes really hard, but understand that forgiveness does not mean that what the person did is not wrong, or that we have to transform our Ex into your BFF and start hanging out together all the time! Although that could be a wonderful thing… What it means is, when we take responsibility and we forgive ourselves first, we are in fact giving ourselves permission to move forward. Forgiveness is our Free Pass to Love!

Stop the Blaming Game.
 
Let Go And Let God
You heard that one before and although we can’t take the credit for it, this is one we use not only in our coaching but in our personal lives as well. Whether we like it or not, there are things in this life that are totally out of our control, things that we just don’t understand. Maybe you did have the “perfect deal” with your now ex-mate. Perhaps there is nothing you could have done to prevent the breakup. Why don’t you turn to God and let Him carry the load?

Our experience has been that when we do, when we accept that we're only human and that we need Divine Intervention, with time not only does it lead us to a place of peacefulness, it also gives us the responses we just could not see before, and, it shows us why we had to live through certain things. We hope it can be the same for you.
Let Go and Let God.

About Us
 
Relationship Coaches, Authors and Huffington Post Bloggers, Mario P. Cloutier and Diane Sawaya Cloutier have each experienced real-life relationship sorrows of breakups and divorces before finally attracting the blissful relationship each of them were longing for. They became romantically involved in 1998 and married in 2001. Through their own experiences, learnings and ensuing search for "what makes relationships work," they have become trusted advisors for seekers of true love.

Their intention is to bring inspiration, hope and provide tools to demonstrate that all can still attract “the one,’’ the soul mate or the ideal life partner, in spite of how many heartbreaks one may have experienced, and moreover, that it is possible to "live happily... EVEN after!" 

In their book, Mario & Diane often tag-team, speaking from a common voice to share their point of view on general themes, but they also make a point to address readers of their own gender in each chapters on specific issues, proving that men and women may process relationships differently... while ultimately seeking the same outcome!
Diane Sawaya Cloutier’s constant desire to learn has led her to develop a passion for personal development and relationships.

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Mario Patrick Cloutier is who many would refer to as a self-taught, street-smart individual with a voracious interest in business practices


ReLovenship™ Look Within to Love Again! 
will inspire you to get another shot at true love and finding your ideal life partner!

Also available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

For Speaking Requests or Booking Inquiries Contact Mario & Diane

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