Winning In The Nude, Bad Dancing, & Horrible Hair.
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Monday, November 21, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend
  • Sounds Hard. Life as a sound guy in the NFL can be tough, as exhibited by Bernie Beaudry, who got trampled by the Vikings as they ran out of the tunnel. We're still waiting to hear that audio.
  • Dress For The Job You Want. As shown by Terrell Pryor's horrible past haircuts, it's important to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. We can't wait to see what hairstyle he goes with next in his attempt to get away from the winless Cleveland Browns, who moved to 0-11 after a loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers.
  • Upset Special. Down by four points with eight seconds remaining, Darren Carrington of the visiting (and struggling) Oregon Ducks made a great TD catch to upset the #12 Utah Utes 30-28.
  • Winning In The Nude. Up 14-7 against rival Harvard, some nerds at Yale stood in front of fans and got naked (NSFW). Their blinding white bodies must have done just enough retinal damage to Harvard, as Yale went on to win 21-14.
  • That Feeling When... You drain a shot from the elbow.

The Main Event
WHAT?
With a 9-1 record, we know the Dallas Cowboys are good this year, but just how good are they? To answer that question, we poured ourselves a big glass of sarsaparilla and dove in.

WHAT ELSE?
There's no question this team has a lot of talent, but the biggest reason for the success of their two rookies, QB Dak Prescott and RB Ezekiel Elliott, is the team's offensive line. Prescott regularly has enough time in the pocket to have a tea party, and after a handoff, Elliott isn't getting touched until his uncle comes to visit over the holidays. Two players in and we haven't even mentioned their mentally unstable WR Dez Bryant or Old Faithful, TE Jason Witten.

Yes, the team has talent, but we think they're worse than their record indicates. Let's take a look at who a few of the powerhouses they've defeated: the Baltimore Ravens, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Green Bay Packers. The only problem with these three powerhouses is that they haven't been powerhouses at all this year. Combined, these three teams are 14-16. Looking more in depth at their schedule, the team with the best record they face is the 7-3 New York Giants, who defeated the Cowboys in Week 1 of the NFL. The Cowboys are a better team now than they were during week 1, but that's the same for every team. Overall, the Cowboys opponents are especially shitty, with an overall record of
55-73-2.

THOUGHTS?
To answer our own question of "how good" are the Cowboys, we'll say they're on their way to becoming great. Right now, they've benefitted from an easy schedule, and the team's true level of greatness will appear once the playoffs begin, where they've shit the bed continually for the last 20 years.

Good Sport
You Tell 'Em
Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr told the NBA how he really feels about the NBA's officiating, going as far to say he could "literally put together a blooper reel" of travels NBA refs aren't calling. Don't worry, Kerr's fun didn't go unpunished, as the NBA already fined him $25K. Next time there's shitty officiating, take a play out of President-Elect Trump's playbook and encourage Russia to put together a blooper reel for you.

Bad Sport
That Doesn't Sound Right
During the Macau Grand Prix, driver Laurens Vanthoor crashed, resulting in a red flag which temporarily stopped the race. The race was already running behind schedule from an earlier crash, so officials decided to declare the winner based on the previous lap, which Vanthoor was winning. Call us crazy, but first place to a driver whose chances of legitimately winning the race plummeted to zero after crashing seems more confusing than figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview.

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Steve Smith. We're not sure which of the dozens of famous Steve Smiths you're thinking of, but the Baltimore Ravens wide receiver made his 1,000th reception yesterday, becoming the 14th player in NFL history to do so.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
NFL Kickers. They can blame it on the weather all they want, but this weekend, NFL kickers were worse than Kanye West's three-song, rant-filled concert. As a league, more extra point kicks were missed (12) than ever before (10, most recently occurred in 1985).

Related: Speaking of kickers missing... after making an NFL record 44 consecutive field goals, Indianapolis Colts kicker Adam Vinatieri missed, then yelled, "F*ck!" about as loud as you'll ever hear on TV.

Quote of the Weekend
"Boy, he's got some speed, not weighed down at all by that 'I Voted' sticker." - Scott Hanson

The NFL RedZone host gave viewers his 2¢ on San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick's decision not to vote.

What to Watch
NFL. Monday Night Football. Texans vs. Raiders - 8:15pm on ESPN
NCAA BASKETBALL. Tennessee vs. Wisconsin - 2:30pm on ESPN2; Georgetown vs. Oregon - 5pm on ESPN2; St. Francis (N.Y.) at Providence - 6:30pm on FS1; Notre Dame vs. Colorado - 7pm on ESPN2; Georgia vs. George Washington - 7pm on ESPNU; Norfolk State at Butler - 8:30pm on FS1; Oklahoma State vs. Connecticut - 9pm on ESPNU; Alabama (Birmingham) vs. Kansas - 9:30pm on ESPN2; North Carolina vs. Chaminade - 11:30pm on ESPN2
SOCCER. West Brom vs. Burnley - 2:55pm on NBCSN
Link of the Day: Who's this?
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