Hug Fights, Power Move, & A Grown Man Named Billy.
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Monday, June 27, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend
  • Already Won. Pencil in another gold medal for U.S. men's basketball, because the Rio Olympics roster has been solidified, and it's stacked (Kevin Durant, Draymond Green, Paul George). Overly confident? Perhaps, but that's what happens when you've won gold at five of the last six Olympics.
  • Power Move. The College World Series between Arizona and Coastal Carolina starts today, so hopefully that means more opportunities to watch this kid give cameramen the business, like he did during a playoff game this weekend.
  • A Permanent Bet. Speaking of the College World Series, Jake Arrieta (TCU alum) will get a tattoo of Coastal Carolina's stupid logo after being on the wrong side of a TCU/Coastal Carolina bet with Chicago Cubs teammate Tommy La Stella (CCU alum). Unfortunately, Arrieta is pussing out by getting a blacklight tattoo. Show some stones, bro.
  • Nice Shot. Hey, hippies, get a load of this disc-golf hole-in-one, which was hit from 320 feet out, over a lake.

The Main Event
It's time to watch Wimbledon. No, not that awful Kirsten Dunst movie, we're talkin' the 130th edition of the Wimbledon Championships, the oldest and most prestigious of the four Grand Slam tennis tournaments (Australian Open, French Open, U.S. Open).

All eyes will be on two-time defending Wimbledon champion Novak Djokovic and one-time defending champ Serena Williams. Having already won the French and Australian Opens this year, Djokovic will look to add Wimbledon to his 2016 victory belt in his quest for a calendar grand slam (winning all four Grand Slam tournaments in one year, which hasn't happened since 1969; Rod Laver). Meanwhile, Williams is seeking to tie Steffi Graf's Grand Slam record (22 Grand Slam singles titles). Both are favored to win, and both will have to get it done in white, as Wimbledon strictly enforces a white clothes only policy. Apparently for Wimbledon, if it ain't white it ain't right. Check out the Day 1 matchups right here.

Whatever happened to Kirsten Dunst? She used to be in big movies all the time, but now she's in bupkis. The last thing we remember her being in was Anchorman 2 (you know, that 10-second scene she was in that you don't remember and didn't even realize it was her). Sure, she's an overtly terrible actress, but that hasn't stopped fellow terrible actresses Kristen Stewart and Katherine Heigl from getting work. In any case, it appears she's destined to stay in one-time big actor, current nobody purgatory with Freddie Prinze Jr., Meg Ryan, and Emilio Estevez. RIP Kirsten Dunst's career, 1995-2007.

Good Sport
The Dealer
Heber Lopes may have a future as a black jack dealer if soccer officiating doesn’t work out. The Copa América Centenario ref looked comfortable dealing out a number of controversial yellow and red cards in the Copa Final last night, resulting in players from both Argentina and Chile being sent off. The penalties ended up being one of the very few interesting things about the game, as the match went scoreless into penalty kicks, where Lionel Messi shanked his effort to give Chile their second-straight Copa title. Does Messi feel bad about the missed kick? You could say that… he cried and retired from international soccer right after the game.

Related: Clint Dempsey's incredible free kick was blocked by god, or perhaps keeper David Ospina, to secure a 1-0 loss for the U.S. against Colombia and a fourth place finish in Copa América Centenario.

Somewhat Related: Swiss striker Xherdan Shaqiri pulled off the most insane bicycle kick-goal in Switzerland's loss to Poland, while Northern Ireland defender Gareth McAuley executed the most mind-numbingly dumb own-goal in their loss to Wales. Both Switzerland and Northern Ireland have been eliminated from Euro 2016, although one exited in much more hilarious fashion. Thanks for the laugh, N. Ireland.

Bad Sport
Hug Fight
NASCAR truck drivers John Wes Townley and Spencer Gallagher engaged in just the saddest white guy fight after a wreck, which included just as many hugs as punches. Christopher Bell pulled out the win while his competitors hug-fought it out.
Related: NASCAR driver Tony Stewart finally stopped sucking by winning the 2016 Toyota/Save Mart 350 on Sunday, snapping his 84-race losing streak.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: The Tampa Bay Rays are the used toilet paper of Major League Baseball, having lost a ridiculous 11 game in a row.

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Pete Rose. The gambling scumbag and greatest hitter of all-time (MLB record 4,256 hits) had his number (14) retired by the Cincinnati Reds yesterday before a 3-0 win over the San Diego Padres, a game Rose almost certainly had money on.

Honorable Mention: American golfer Billy Hurley (yes, a grown man that still goes by "Billy") won the PGA Tour's Quicken Loans National yesterday for his first career win.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Tarvaris Jackson. The former NFL quarterback was arrested for pulling a loading gun on his wife and screaming "I'll kill you" after she hilariously said, "You better be accurate (because) you ain't accurate on the field," which is such an epic burn it's (apparently) worth almost getting shot for.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Justin Verlander is the dinger dealer. The Detroit Tigers pitcher gave up a stunning four homers in one inning, in a game the Tigers obviously lost to the Cleveland Indians (the Tribe's ninth-straight win).

Quote of the Weekend
"I hope he goes to jail. That would be the best place for him" - Paul Manziel

Johnny Manziel's father is even more tired of his "druggie" son's shit than the legal system. In an interview with ESPN, Paul said his son is so out of control that jail might be the only thing that can help him.

Honorable Mention: "I'll toy with this man." - UFC fighter Conor McGregor's already throwing shade ahead of his rematch with Nate Diaz, who beat McGregor in their last fight.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
MLB. Astros at Angels - 10pm on ESPN
SOCCER. UEFA Euro 2016: Italy vs. Spain - 11:30am on ESPN2; UEFA Euro 2016: England vs. Iceland - 2:30pm on ESPN2
GOLF. PGA Professional National Championship, Second-Round Play - 3pm on Golf Channel
TENNIS. Wimbledon, First-Round Play - 7am on ESPN
COLLEGE BASEBALL. College World Series, Game 1: Arizona vs. Coastal Carolina - 7pm on ESPN
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