Spring Training is almost over, and it didn't come a moment too soon. Like us, players across Major League Baseball clearly became restless and bored in the final week of preseason exhibition games, especially the Chicago Cubs, who filled their time by bringing actual bear cubs into camp
and watching first baseman Anthony Rizzo bust out Adele tunes on a keyboard
. Let's consider this cry for help heard, because real
baseball is back this Sunday!
Opening Day features a tripleheader, with the St. Louis Cardinals and Pittsburgh Pirates reigniting their rivalry to kick things off (1:05pm ET), we get a visit from our neighbors to the north when the Toronto Blue Jays come down to play the Tampa Bay Rays (4:05pm ET), followed by a rematch of last year's World Series as the New York Mets take on the reigning champs, the Kansas City Royals (8:37pm ET). Check out where and how to watch the rest of the games, which are on Monday, right here
If you're looking for something to watch after your team bows out of the playoff race even earlier than you expected, keep an eye on Miami Marlins outfielder Ichiro (who, like Cher, just goes by one name) and New York Yankees outfielder Alex Rodriguez. Ichiro is 65 hits away from joining the 3,000-hits club
, while A-Rod needs 28 home runs to pass Babe Ruth
(714) for third on the all-time home runs list. He needs 69 to pass Hank Aaron (755), but we don't think he'll be able to pull it off ever since he was forced to get off the juice
Here they are... our ironclad, can't fail, bet your life savings Good Old Sport predictions for the 2016 season:
Get those goofy-ass fish hats
ready, Mike Trout
of the Anaheim Angels is your AL MVP.
Goose Gossage is gonna be pissed about this one (he hates young whippersnappers who don't "respect" the game
), because arrogant bastard and fantastic ballplayer Bryce Harper
of the Washington Nationals takes home the hardware for the NL.
The race for the AL's Least Valuable Player may have already been decided. Red Sox fat lazy oaf
, infielder Pablo Sandoval
, who the Sox paid a buttload for last offseason ($95 million), has already been benched for being a fat lazy oaf
The San Francisco Giants brought in pitcher Jeff Samardzija
for $90 million this offseason, and he largely looked like shit in Spring Training. On the plus side, if we were handing out an award for who looks the most like a pirate
, we'd be all in on Samardzija.
The Toronto Blue Jays
over the Chicago Cubs. That's right, we're going to have to watch the beloved trophy of America's pastime be doused in Molson Canadian
and maple syrup while escorted through downtown Toronto on the back of a moose during the Jays' victory parade... or whatever it is they do to celebrate up there.