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Monday, September 12, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend

The Main Event
The first NFL Sunday came and went, and it was a busy one.

The Good
  • New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees threw a 98-yard touchdown pass, the longest in Saints history, but not longer than Jack Del Rio's testicles, who probably needs a wheelbarrow to get around town. Down by one after a score, the Oakland Raiders coach decided to go for a two-point conversion with 47 seconds remaining, giving his squad the 35-34 win.
  • After almost two years of salsa-free Sundays, New York Giants wideout Victor Cruz scored and danced in his first game back since his 2014 knee injury. His Giants went on to beat the Dallas Cowboys 20-19.
  • While being dragged down by his jersey, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers threw a 35-yard dime to Davante Adams in the end zone to help seal a 27-23 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars. No wonder why Olivia Munn chose him.
The Bad
  • These refs are still in preseason form, as they couldn't figure out if a field goal was good or not. It wasn't.
  • The Minnesota Vikings started Shaun Hill at quarterback, and it did not go well, as he lead the offense to zero touchdowns. Luckily, their defense was fired up after their "spoons out for Harambe" celebration and scored twice in a 25-16 win over the Tennessee Titans.
  • Dallas Cowboys wide reciever Terrance Williams doesn't understand time, as he decided not to stop the clock by going out of bounds with seven seconds left in the Cowboys-Giants game, making that one point loss even more painful.

In national anthem related news (because this is a thing now), the Seattle Seahawks linked arms, Jelani Jenkins, Arian Foster, Michael Thomas, and Kenny Stills all took a knee, while Martellus Bennett, Devin McCourty, and Marcus Peters held their fists in the air.

Our Sundays are now spent in front of a TV, just the way they're supposed to be.

Good Sport
Hail Mary
This early in the college football season, good teams fill their schedules with shitty teams to pad their stats and get their players ready for the real games. This makes for terribly boring TV. One game, however, ended up being great. After incorrectly being awarded one final play, Central Michigan executed a dope Hail Mary to defeat #22 Oklahoma State 30-27.

Bad Sport
Los Angeles Ref Hitters
Mt. San Antonio Community College (in Los Angeles) lineman Bernard Schirmer punched a ref in the face, knocked him out, and was later arrested. This community college player hits way better than his D1 counterpart, USC left tackle Chuma Edoga's (arm slap).

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
NBA Legends. Shaq, Allen Iverson (who had the awesome honeycomb-like pads in the soles of his shoes), and Yao Ming were among last night's Hall of Fame inductees, and had some pretty awesome speeches (linked above). Shaq threw shade at Kobe and didn't know Yao spoke English, while Iverson took time to thank Biggie Smalls, Redman, Jadakiss, Tupac, and Michael Jackson.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
CM Punk. The former WWE wrestler lost his UFC debut fight in the first round to a guy who entered the octagon to the terrible 80's song "Mickey".

Quote of the Weekend
"He was mother fu*king beast out there." - Frank Gore

The Indianapolis Colts running back gave props to Andrew Luck, who played out of his mind (385-yards passing, four touchdowns, zero interceptions) in yesterday's 35-39 loss to the Detroit Lions.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NFL. Steelers at Redskins - 6:55pm on ESPN; Rams at 49ers - 10:15pm on ESPN
SOCCER. Sunderland vs. Everton - 2:55pm on NBCSN
PARALYMPICS. Rio 2016 Paralympic Games - 7pm on NBCSN
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