No Bollocks, Spygate 2.0, & Back In The Saddle.
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Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Back In The Saddle? Tiger Woods, who hasn't played in a golf tournament since August (and hasn't won a major since 2008), just registered to play in the U.S. Open (June 13-19), which means we may get one last chance to watch Tiger angrily call himself a "f*cking prick" when he inevitably biffs a shot.
  • A Curry-less AC/DC. An MRI revealed Golden State Warriors stud Steph Curry suffered a Grade 1 MLC sprain in Sunday's win over the Rockets, which will keep him out at least two weeks. It's not only a blow for the Warriors, who've been outscored without Curry this year, but it's also a bummer for basketball fans because he's just so damn fun to watch. It's like when we heard AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson would be replaced by Axl Rose. Sorry Axl, it's not AC/DC without the Bri-man.
  • Insult To Injury. The Dubs aren't the only team with a wounder star. The Los Angeles Clippers suffered a double-whammy when they lost 98-84 to the Portland Trail Blazers and lost guard Chris Paul for the rest of the season with a broken hand. Meanwhile, the Charlotte Hornets used a 21-4 run in second quarter to spark a 89-85, series-tying win over the Miami Heat, and the Dallas Mavericks were eliminated from the playoffs with an uninspired 118-104 loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder.
  • The Kings Have Been Dethroned. Well, not the actual Kings... they were booted from the playoffs last week. The defending Stanley Cup champion Chicago Blackhawks were eliminated last night in a Game 7, 3-2 loss to the St. Louis Blues. The Nashville Predators hope to capture some of the Blues' magic, as they forced a Game 7 in their own series with a 3-1 win over the Anaheim Ducks.

The Main Event
WHAT?
Just as we all feared, "Deflategate" is back. The 2nd U.S. Circuit Court voted 2-1 yesterday to reinstate New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's four-game suspension, which NFL commissioner Roger Goodell imposed on Brady after his alleged roll in deflating footballs during an AFC Championship Game... 15 freakin' months ago.

WHAT ELSE?
Jesus, does that mean this long-drawn-out shit show is over yet? Of course not. Brady and his team of legal goons can petition for a re-hearing of the case in front of the entire 2nd Circuit Court, or they can appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. However, Gabe Feldman, director of the Tulane Sports Law Program, said the chances of Brady having his case heard via either avenue is "very slim."

THOUGHTS?
As annoying as Deflategate has been, we would love nothing more than to see this case reach the Supreme Court. Imagine the highest federal court in the United States, which has seen historic cases like Brown v. Board of Education (segregation in schools) and Roe v. Wade (abortion), be forced to hear the extraneous circus that is the Deflategate scandal. It would be an inconceivable new low for all parties involved, and we can't wait to watch it. Just don't mention we're excited about it to Donald Trump, who took time at a Rhode Island rally yesterday to defend his BFF by saying, "leave Tom Brady alone... it's enough!"

Good Sport
No Bollocks
If you walked into an English pub last August and said Leicester City would be Premier League champions (top English soccer league), you would have been laughed out of the bar as a bollocks-peddling tosser. Rightfully so, as Leicester City began their "Cinderella season" with 5000/1 odds to win the Premier League. But after Tottenham settled for a 1-1 draw with West Brom yesterday (probably because Tottenham players were more focused on punching people in the dick than playing), Leicester are now just one win away from becoming perhaps the most unlikely champion in Premier League history. A victory on Sunday against Manchester United gives them the crown, and would make the hypothetical you who walked into a pub with that bold statement not look like such a wanker after all.

Honorable Mention: Juventus F.C., perhaps the most likely champion, clinched their fifth-straight Serie A (Italian soccer league) title.

Bad Sport
Spygate 2.0
The New England Patriots might not be the only team stealing signals. During the St. Louis Cardinals' 8-5 win over the San Diego Padres on Sunday, Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina noticed a guy in a Padres polo with binoculars and a walkie talkie in the center field camera well. The moment Molina pointed out the suspicious activity to the home plate umpire, the man looked away as though he had just been caught staring at a woman's cleavage before scurrying away. The Padres claim the man was just a member of the security team who conveniently needed to leave his post at that exact moment, but we've seen spy movies, and we know tactical espionage action when we see it.

Never Forget
Always leave BMX jumps to the pros. Never Forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
MLB. Cardinals at Diamondbacks - 9:30pm on Fox Sports 1
NBA PLAYOFFS. Game 5: Pacers at Raptors - 6pm on TNT (series tied 2-2); Game 5: Celtics at Hawks - 8:30pm on TNT (series tied 2-2)
SOCCER. Champions League: Manchester City vs. Real Madrid - 2:30pm on Fox Sports 1
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