NBA's Back, Brock Sucks, & Goodbye, Arian.
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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Big Day In Sports. Tonight marks Game 1 of the World Series, and Game 1 of the NBA, which is how stupid people like us say, the NBA season opener. Pull out your checkbooks and ask your significant other for permission, because here are the lines to win it all for MLB and the NBA.
  • Make That Old. Speaking of the NBA, Steph Curry and Under Armour released a commercial for his new shoes, which couldn't be worse than his old shoes. It also showed him using the Golden State Warriors' 73-9 record-breaking and championship-losing season as motivation while playing with spaceship-like lights. Seriously, what the hell are those? We're confident Under Armour is just making shit up now.
  • He's Got Balls. We think, hard to tell from this picture, but we know Washington Redskins coach Ben Kotwica got pipe (NSFW), which he pulled out on the sidelines to pee into a cup during Sunday's loss to Detroit.

The Main Event
WHAT?
Rob Gronkowski is the best.

WHAT ELSE?
No, we're not talking about his play on the field. Gronk's a great tight end, we get it. We're talking about off the field. He's a bro's bro, and lives the life any sensible human would want. This past Sunday, when he was asked about scoring his 68th touchdown, Gronk answered with maybe the bro-iest thing he's done yet.

Gronk's response is so perfect, it couldn't have even been crafted by the great Aaron Sorkin himself. But it's not just what he said, which was amazing, it's how he said it - cocky, yet unsure; dramatic, while still playful; strong, and fragile at the same time - pulling that off required a hero of legendary proportions.


THOUGHTS?
Out of all Gronk's many off-field accomplishments (here's just a few), the one thing he hasn't done is become a murderous gangster. Some may call that a win, but we don't. We call taking a picture with a porn star wearing your football jersey a win.

NFL Pick 'Em
Jesse Knaack and Colby McCullough tied for first this week by collecting the same number of wins and guessing the same tie-breaker score for Monday Night Football. You boys gonna get married too, or what? Get a room.

The best of the rest include:

T-1. Jesse Knaack (10-4-1; 41*)
T-1. Colby "Brolby" McCullough (10-4-1; 41*)
3. Tanner Alec Zelman (10-4-1; 43*)
4. Tristian bennett (10-4-1; 28*)
T-5. Annapurna Kennedy (9-5-1; 41*)
T-5. Landon Davison (9-5-1; 41*)

*Total points estimate for Monday Night Football. Actual: 36

GET YOUR WEEK 8 PICKS IN NOW. Winner gets a set of Good Old Sport Koozies. Submission deadline is Thursday, 10/27 at 8:20pm ET.

Good Sport
Zero To Hero
Arian Foster, who you may remember as the guy who practically played in as many NFL games as he didn't because of injury, decided to retire yesterday. The undrafted running back out of Tennessee joined the Houston Texans in 2009, then in 2010 lead the league in rushing yards. Foster was always an on-field stud, the only problem was he couldn't on the field. With a career notoriously filled with injuries, the running back turned actor (sound familiar?) decided to call it quits, and not just because he's now on the Miami Dolphins (woof), but because e suffered yet another lower body, soft-tissue injury (not his dick).

Bad Sport
Big Joke
Last week, Brock Osweiler joked by saying of the Denver Broncos, the team he ditched this offseason to join the Houston Texans, "It seems like they miss me." He's clearly better at sarcasm that we thought, throwing for only 131 yards and a big fat 0 touchdowns during Monday Night Football. The Broncos went on to crush the Texans 27-9.

Never Forget
Granny can't handle your crossover. Never forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
MLB PLAYOFFS. Game 1: Cubs at Indians - 8pm on FOX
NBA. Knicks at Cavaliers - 8pm on TNT; Spurs at Warriors - 10:30pm on TNT
NHL. Sabres at Flyers - 7:30pm on NBCSN; Ducks at Sharks - 10pm on NBCSN
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