Premature Score, Draft Peasants, & Kenny G.
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Thursday, February 11, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
Four college sports programs are in deep shit this week.

Baylor, Tennessee, Kent State, and Ole Miss are doing their absolute best to make us forget about the ghastly Penn State scandal from a few years back. On Monday night, hundreds of protesters held a candlelight vigil on Baylor's campus in response to a recent ESPN article, which pretty much details how the university ignores rape cases, especially those committed by members of the football team. Meanwhile, Tennessee is under fire for taking “deliberately indifferent actions" against football players who beat up a teammate for helping a rape victim, who was raped by members of the football team. Not to be outdone, Kent State has been served with a lawsuit claiming the university helped cover up a rape by the softball coach's son.

On a less serious note, Ole Miss received notification from the NCAA that their athletic program would be cited for 28 violations, 13 of which implicate the football team. The violations include a mix of Level I, II, and III offenses, with Level I infractions being the most serious.

It remains to be seen how things will shake out in each of these cases, but it's clear these programs will have to do some serious damage control to salvage their reputations. If they don't, we'll be doing the cartoonish, uneasy shirt-collar grab anytime one of these schools are mentioned in conversation.

Good Sport
The 2016 Pebble Beach Pro-Am, easily one of the best golf events of the year, kicks off today and runs through Sunday. As per usual, the tournament features several sports celebrities, including Arizona Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald, Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, and former NHLer Wayne Gretzky (obligatory Paulina Gretzky sexy photo inclusion). A number of regular celebrities will give it a go as well, including stars like curly-haired jazz artist Kenny G, actor Marky Mark Wahlberg, very unfunny comedian Larry the Cable Guy, and, of course, Bill F*ckin' Murray. We're just praying a Happy Gilmore/Bob Barker-style fight breaks out between Kenny G and golf's biggest asshole, Bubba Watson. Here's to a decisive Kenny G victory!

Bad Sport
ESPN has ended their exclusive advertising deal with the architect of those godawful daily fantasy sports commercials, DraftKings. The exclusivity agreement, which went into effect this past January and was expected to last three years, lasted just over a month. Why the sudden split? Since the agreement was first announced last June, DraftKings has been the target of class action lawsuits, banned by several state attorney generals, and is under investigation by federal prosecutors for violating online gambling regulations. One could easily assume the companies parted ways because ESPN (Disney) would not want to accept money from such a villainous company, but one look at the price of a Disneyland day pass suggests Mickey wouldn't hesitate to take advertising cash from the devil himself if he offered to sponsor It's a Small World. It's more likely that DraftKings can't afford the shitload of money needed to commit to ESPN each year (reportedly $200 million), as any extra income will go towards those extensive legal fees.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Adam Johnson, the Jared Fogle of soccer, has pleaded guilty to two child sex charges. Still, Johnson was somehow allowed to play this season for Sunderland A.F.C., after the club found out about the allegations.

Good Old Caption
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What to Watch
NBA. Pelicans at Thunder - 8pm on TNT
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Florida State at Syracuse - 7pm on ESPN; Connecticut at Temple - 7pm on ESPN2; Iowa at Indiana - 9pm on ESPN; Oregon at California - 9pm on ESPN2; Oregon State at Stanford - 11pm on Fox Sports 1
GOLF. Tshwane Open, First-Round Play - 7:30am on Golf Channel; PGA Tour: Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, First-Round Play - 3pm on Golf Channel
SNOWBOARDING. USSA Fenway Big Air (check out how big this damn snow ramp is) - 8:30pm on NBC Sports
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