Compound Fracture, Dome Shot, & O Canada.
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Monday, May 9, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend
  • 40s. Kevin Durant and Damian Lillard like 40s almost as much as Ice Cube does. Lillard dropped 40 points on the Golden State Warriors to give the Portland Trail Blazers a 120-108 win and pull them to within a game of the Dubs (Warriors lead 2-1), while Durant evened the Oklahoma City Thunder's series (2-2) by putting up 41-points in a 100-96 win against the San Antonio Spurs last night.
  • Pack Your Bags. The NHL's New York Islanders and the NBA's Atlanta Hawks have the dubious honor of being the only teams in their respective leagues to be booted from the second-round of the playoffs this weekend. In other news, the Cleveland Cavaliers, who sent the Hawks packing, may never lose again... they're 8-0 in the playoffs this year.
  • His Father Was A Mudder. Nyquist won the rain-soaked 142nd Kentucky Derby on a muddy track for his eighth-consecutive victory. This baby loves the slop. Loves it. Eats it up!

The Main Event
It was a particularly painful weekend for hand-to-hand combat sports. Did someone's bone rip through their own skin for some fresh air? Yuuup®. Let's explore.

In boxing, Canelo Alvarez defended his WBC middleweight title by literally knocking the snot out of challenger Amir Khan (shown above). Khan, who was knocked out cold in the sixth round, moved up two weight divisions to fight Canelo, which proved to be just as bad of an idea as it sounds. Even an eight-year-old knows you fight down, not up. No third-grader would be dumb enough to pick a fight with a fifth grader... unless, of course, their name is Amir Khan.

Saturday was also a big night for the UFC, as Alistair Overeem and Andrei Arlovski headlined UFC Fight Night 87. Clearly a fan of The Karate Kid, Overeem delivered a Crane Kick-esque blow to Arlovski's jaw to seal a second-round, knockout victory. The "badass of the night" award, however, went to lightweight Josh Emmett, who beat Jon Tuck despite suffering a compound fracture in his hand. Check out an up-close video of his injury here. Keep in mind, it's just as utterly horrifying as you'd expect.

When will we see a crossover between UFC and boxing? Luckily for us, it could be sooner than later. MMA star Conor McGregor revealed a poster suggesting a fight with boxer Floyd Mayweather, who didn't deny the possibility of a fight. But which sport's equipment and rules would they abide by? Better make it a bare-knuckle brawl to the death... just to be fair.

Good Sport
Dome Shot
South Korean golfer James Hahn may have beat Roberto Castro in a playoff to capture the Wells Fargo Championship yesterday, but Castro is the true winner in our eyes for hitting a shot that nailed some dude in the dome before it bounced into another guy's empty loafer. Unfortunately, Castro took a drop on his next shot instead of hitting the whole shoe liked we'd hoped.

Bad Sport
Just Awful
After receiving a red card, USL (United Soccer League) player Romeo Parkes of the Pittsburgh Riverhounds kicked an opposing player in the back harder than a SWAT Team point-man kicking down a meth lab door. The kick sent the victim off the field on a stretcher, and resulted in Parkes' release from the Riverhounds. Just awful... we didn't know there was an even more watered-down version of soccer than the MLS either.

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Bartolo Colón. The 42-year-old New York Mets pitcher, and perhaps the fattest guy in MLB, laughed his way around the bases after becoming the oldest player in league history to hit his first major league home run. His 2-run dinger helped give the Mets a 4-3 win over the San Diego Padres yesterday. Good things come to those who wait eat.

Honorable Mention: Washington Nationals star Bryce Harper looked like he held his own personal "Race for the Cure" walk on Mother's Day. While rocking pink floral cleats, he was walked six times and hit by a pitch to reach base a total of 7 times without an official at-bat, which is the first time in 100 years such a thing has happened.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Dwyane Wade. The Miami Heat guard is in some deep maple syrup for taking practice shots during a rendition of "O, Canada" before the Heat's Game 3, 95-91 loss to the Toronto Raptors. The Canadians are so pissed that Ontario's Parliament demanded an apology from Wade. Canada isn't Dwyane's buddy, guy.

Quote of the Weekend
"Either right hand or left handed, get down there, jerk off the defender."

Uh, phrasing?! Secret agent Sterling Archer would not be pleased to hear the poorly chosen words an NBA announcer selected while covering last night's Cavaliers/Hawks game.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
MLB. Tigers at Nationals - 7pm on ESPN
NBA PLAYOFFS. Game 4: Raptors at Heat - 8pm on TNT (Raptors lead 2-1); Game 4: Warriors at Trail Blazers - 10:30pm on TNT (Warriors lead 2-1)
NHL PLAYOFFS. Game 6: Stars at Blues - 8pm on NBC Sports (Blues lead 3-2); Game 6: Sharks at Predators - 9pm on CNBC (Sharks lead 3-2)
WORLD HOCKEY. IIHF World Championship 2016: Finland vs. U.S. - 1pm on NBC Sports
INVICTUS GAMES. Orlando 2016 - 7pm on ESPN2
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