Home Alone Series, Hooters Floater, & Too Much Sex.
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Thursday, October 6, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Giant Win. After eight scoreless Wild Card innings, SF Giants third baseman Conor Gillaspie's three-run dinger put his team up 3-0 over the hosting New York Mets. Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner then closed out the game and completed his shutout. The Giants will now move on to the Chicago Cubs, as they look to complete their sweep of the Home Alone Series - a series we just made up that involves winning in Illinois and New York.
  • One Way Ticket. You know you have a great life when the amount of sex you're getting interferes with your work. The national Ghana soccer team coach said his players "engage in too much sex," causing them to tire easily during games. Remind us to move to Ghana.
  • He's Not Grrreat. Mike VI, LSU's real life tiger mascot, has been given one to two months left to live by veterinarians after a rare form of cancer spread throughout his body. At least he spent his life the way any tiger would want; stuck in a cage while being pointed at by drunk college students. Don't worry, LSU has already toted that the heartless search to replace that "thing" has already begun.
  • Bro Award. Get Russell Martin a tank top and white Oakley sunglasses, because he's more of a bro than you'll ever be (but not more than former NFL kicker Jeff Reed). The Toronto Blue Jays catcher needed stitches after giving too hard of a high five. He says he'll be ready to play the Texas Rangers in their upcoming playoff series.
  • RIP. After being in a comma for almost a week, UFC fighter Josh Samman passed away yesterday. The fighter was discovered laying unconscious at his Florida apartment, which, surprisingly, wasn't because he just realized that cornrows on a white guy wasn't a good look. Drugs are expected to be involved.

The Main Event
Ichiro's back!

The Miami Marlins exercised their 2017 option on the baseball veteran's contract, which means baseball fans will get at least one more year to watch the legend slap the ball around. While he'll be looking to add to his 3,030 MLB career hits (good for 24th in MLB history), he'll also be looking for his first World Series win. In fact, the 16-year vet has spent his career playing for really shitty teams and has only been to the post season twice - the first time being his rookie MLB season with the Seattle Mariners in 2001 (their last time playing in the post season), the second was in 2012 with the evil New York Yankees. If the Marlins are going to be the team to take him there, they're going to have to play better than they did this year, as they finished 16 games behind the NL East winner (Washington Nationals).

While Ichiro has 3,030 MLB hits, he has 4,308 hits when including his years playing professional baseball in Japan. This incredible feat, along with him being a stand up guy, makes him one of the only players every baseball fan roots for regardless of team allegiances, unless you're grumpy, jealous old-man Pete Rose (who is currently sitting #1 in MLB hits with 4,256 and doesn't want Ichiro to take that away from him).

Good Sport
The People's Reactor
Nobody is cooler than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The former professional wrestler turned actor took to YouTube to commentate his very first wrestling match, complete with a bright blue speedo, rookie on-camera mistakes, and hair that made him look like a pineapple. He really makes it hard not to like The People's Champ.

Bad Sport
After an altercation in a parking lot, a still unidentified man grabbed a machete (no, not him) and entered the University of Colorado's sports complex. Police were called to the scene, and after refusing to cooperate with the police, the suspect was shot and shortly after died from his wounds. Luckily, nobody else was injured.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS GIF of this Hooters Girl's Rookie of the Year-esque floater. This week's winner gets a Good Old Sport koozie and a back massage from anyone who's willing to accept coupons from a sports newsletter.

Send your captions to coach@goodoldsport.com

Remember Your Picks
Get your Week 5 NFL picks in for our Good Old Sport Pick 'Em Challenge! Winner gets a koozie, their name in tomorrow's edition, or an air high five - their choice! Submissions must be entered by 8:20pm ET TODAY.

Our BOLD PREDICTION of the Week: Falcons over Broncos.
Our LOCK of the Week: Patriots over Browns.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
MLB PLAYOFFS. Game 1: Blue Jays at Rangers - 4:30pm on TBS; Game 1: Red Sox at Indians - 8pm on TBS
NFL. Cardinals at 49ers - 8:25pm on CBS
SOCCER. World Cup Qualifying: Ireland vs. Georgia - 2:30pm on ESPN2; World Cup Qualifying: Italy vs. Spain - 2:30pm on FS1
GOLF. Alfred Dunhill Links Championship - 8am on GOLF; Web.com Tour Championship - 3pm on GOLF; Fiji International - 9:30pm on GOLF
NCAA FOOTBALL. Norfolk State at North Carolina A&T - 7:30pm on ESPNU; Temple at Memphis - 8pm on ESPN
WNBA PLAYOFFS. Game 5: Chicago at Los Angeles - 9pm on ESPN2
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