Zootopia, Victory Lap, and Don't Tase Me, Bro.
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Thursday, June 23, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
It's only been four days since the NBA season ended, but dammit if tonight isn't the NBA Draft.

The Philadelphia 76ers will kickoff the two-round draft by reportedly selecting LSU star Ben Simmons, who's already sucking down cheesesteak sandwiches with Jimmy Fallon. Brandon Ingram, a can't-miss talent from Duke with the muscle definition of a 12-year-old girl but the tattoos of a seasoned NBA vet, will most likely be taken by the Lakers with the second pick. Other top prospects, including Jamal Murray (Kentucky), Dragan Bender (Croatia), and Buddy Hield (Oklahoma), can expect to hear their names early, as bottom-feeding teams strive to get a little less atrocious. Take a look at which teams own the top five picks below, and check out the full draft order here.

1. Philadelphia 76ers
2. Los Angeles Lakers
3. Boston Celtics
4. Phoenix Suns
5. Minnesota Timberwolves

As with every other NBA Draft, we'll be watching purely for the suits, which always make the draft look like a 1990's pimp convention.

Good Sport
Kiss Them, They're Irish
Irish fans have been on a rampage at Euro 2016... of good-natured sportsmanship. The "Boys In Green" (as they constantly sing) have been spotted fixing dents in cars, cleaning up the streets, forming conga lines, and serenading local French citizens, nuns, babies, and police alike. Meanwhile, Russian and English fans stirred up so much violence at the tournament (including beer bottle hurling and head kicking) that Riot police were needed on multiple occasions to subdue the mobs (or firms, as soccer gangs like to call themselves). Euro 16: Come for the Irish amiability, stay for a Russian concussion.

Related: Republic of Ireland soccer fans are praising the head atop Robbie Brady's shoulders more than the head atop a pint of Guinness after his header in the 85th minute of Ireland's Euro match against Italy yesterday, which gave the Irish a 1-0 victory that advances them through to the Round of 16.

Somewhat Related: Chile topped Colombia 2-0 in last night's Copa América semifinal match, earning them a trip to face Argentina in the Final, which is, you know... the game the U.S. won't be playing in after Tuesday's pants-shitting loss.

Bad Sport
Don't Tase Me, Bro
Darren Kramer, a prospect for the NHL's Winnipeg Jets, was arrested early yesterday morning for getting into an altercation with a police officer at Disney World. He and a friend allegedly stole bowling pins from a restaurant, and Kramer was tased upon resisting arrest after an officer confronted him about the theft. Thankfully, Disney's Zootopia is still fresh in the minds of young children, so parents of kids who witnessed the assault can put their children's minds at ease by saying it was just Chief Bogo arresting a bad guy.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Get that goddamn microphone out of my face! Portuguese forward Cristiano Ronaldo threw a reporter's microphone into a nearby lake after the plucky young journalist got a little too close. The surly striker can still ball though, as was evident by his two goals (including this ridiculous back-heel goal) against Hungary that led to a 3-3 draw to keep Portugal alive in Euro 2016.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS PHOTO of a little Pirates fan enjoying the hell out of his ice cream. Winner gets a Good Old Sport baseball tee to rock at the ballgame if they promise not to get ice cream all over it.

Send your captions to coach@goodoldsport.com

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA. Draft - 7pm on ESPN
GOLF. BMW International Open, First-Round Play - 9:30am on Golf Channel; PGA Tour: Quicken Loans National, First-Round Play - 3:30pm on Golf Channel
COLLEGE BASEBALL. College World Series: Texas Tech vs. Coastal Carolina - 8pm on ESPN2
OLYMPIC TRIALS. U.S. diving team - 7pm on NBC Sports; U.S. men's gymnastics - 8:30pm on NBC Sports
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