Red-Headed Stepchild, Boy-Man, & The Cantina Band.
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Thursday, May 5, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
Atlético Madrid will play Real Madrid in the UEFA Champions League (Europe's top soccer league) Final, a match that features just so much goddamn Madrid.

The Madrid squads earned their spots in the Final with victories in the semis this week. Despite losing to Bayern Munich 2-1 on Tuesday, Atlético advanced via aggregate score because they beat Bayern 1-0 last week. If you're saying to yourself, "hey, that adds up to 2-2 tie," congrats, you can count to two! Atlético moves on thanks to the "away goals rule" tiebreaker, which is exactly what is sounds like. The other Madrid, Real, earned its spot by taking down Manchester City 1-0 last night (1-0 aggregate).

What does history have to say about this Final matchup? Nothing good for Atlético. They've been to the Champions League Final twice, losing both times, while Real has won the most titles of any team (10). What's more, one of Atlético's Final losses came at the hands of city rival Real, a 4-1, extra-time heart-breaker, just two years ago.

Brothers from the same municipal mother, it's clear that Real is the golden boy while Atlético is the red-headed stepchild. Will the soulless-ginger Atlético finally get some Champions League love this time around? We'll find out when the two teams square off in the Final on May 28th in Milan, Italy.

Good Sport
The Boy-Man
John Chayka will be the next general manager of the Arizona Coyotes. We weren't all that impressed either, until we learned he's just 26 years old, making him the youngest GM in NHL history. So what's so damn special about this kid? He was an assistant GM with the Coyotes last year, and before that he co-founded and served as director of hockey operations at Stathletes Inc., a hockey performance data and analytics company. Not bad, considering when we were 26 our biggest concern was whether or not to drive an extra two miles from the convenience store to the supermarket to save $2 on a 30-pack of Keystone Light.

Bad Sport
New Talent
Former NBA D-League All-Star Eric Griffin is well on his was toward becoming the Aaron Hernandez of the basketball world. Griffin, who currently plays pro ball in the United Arab Emirates, has been charged with attempted murder for his alleged role in a "revenge shooting" in Orange County, FL. It looks like the Florida Department of Corrections has good news for inmate intramural teams looking for new talent.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Don't eat the meat! The NFL has warned players that "consuming large quantities of meat" while in China or Mexico could lead to a positive test for clenbuterol, a banned substance. We recommend players play it safe by avoiding meat and stick to safe, reliable tap water while visiting the aforementioned countries.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS PHOTO of the Star Wars Cantina Band's night out at the game. If you're not familiar, here's 10 hours of them playing their hit song. Winner gets a Good Old Sport t-shirt to rep at the next Cantina Band concert.

Send your captions to

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA PLAYOFFS. Game 2: Heat at Raptors - 8pm on ESPN (Heat lead 1-0)
NHL PLAYOFFS. Game 4: Stars at Blues - 8pm on NBC Sports (Blues lead 2-1); Game 4: Sharks at Predators - 9pm on CNBC (Sharks lead 2-1)
SOCCER. Europa League: Liverpool vs. Villarreal - 3pm on Fox Sports 1
GOLF. Trophee Hassan II, First-Round Play - 10:30am on Golf Channel; LPGA Tour: Yokohama Tire LPGA Classic, First-Round Play - 12:30pm on Golf Channel; PGA Tour: Wells Fargo Championship, First-Round Play - 4pm on Golf Channel
COLLEGE BASEBALL. Vanderbilt at Texas A&M - 7pm on ESPN2
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