Super Trooper, Notable Mullet, & Handlebar Mustache.
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Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Bringing The Boom. The best part of last night's terrible MNF game that saw the Colts beat the Jets 41-10 was easily when two fans took off their shirts and ran on the field, only for one to get obliterated by a New Jersey State Trooper. For reals, check out this picture.
  • Old Man's Got Game. One very notable mullet was missing from the Pittsburgh Penguins 1991-92 Stanley Cup 25-year anniversary celebration on Saturday night, and that's because the mullet's owner is still playing hockey. That's right, while his former teammates were celebrating the anniversary, Jaromir Jagr, now of the Florida Panthers, was skating the frozen water on his way to a 0-2 loss to the Ottawa Senators. 
  • Not Gonna Win. The 2016 NCAA Heisman finalists have been announced. Included on the list are four players who have a shot and one player who doesn't. That not-a-chance player is LB/DB Jabrill Peppers from Michigan. We're not saying that's because he sucks, he's great, plus he can beat us to a pulp, so we'd never say something that foolish. We're saying he won't win because only one primarily defensive player has ever won the Heisman, and that was Charles Woodson way back in 1997. Keep dreamin', Peppers.

The Main Event
Holy crap, have the New York Jets turned into the Cleveland Browns?

Despite winning three more games than the Browns (the Jets are 3-9), they got their ass handed to them last night in primetime and have had a myriad of quarterbacks start for them this season, none of which are viable options for the future. Now, if you heard all of that without already knowing we were talking about the Jets, we'd wager you would have imagined we were talking about the team that wears poop brown, high school looking uniforms, not the formerly great team of old (see picture above).

Not to beat a dead horse, but their quarterbacks are:
  • Ryan Fitzpatrick - a veteran player who so clearly reached his ceiling last year, he smartly decided to hold out until the Jets paid him $12 million to play this year. It's clear Fitzpatrick learned something at Harvard (and it wasn't how to be a good quarterback).
  • Geno Smith - a player who is disliked so much, his own teammate risked being kicked off the team (which he was) and losing thousands (which he did) to punch Geno Smith over a $600 plane ticket.
  • Bryce Petty - who, in his one game as a starter, led his Jets to 6-9 loss against the very bad LA Rams. He also threw the defeat-sealing interception.
  • Christian Hackenberg - who hasn't played (yet) for the Jets, which means he's somehow worse than the three aforementioned clowns.
Can we Mark Wahlberg this Jets situation and walk-on to the team?

NFL Pick 'Em
Hot damn, Drew Ahlers left all you rubes in his wake by going a ridiculous 13-2 this week. He’ll be laughing all the way to the bank and/or his refrigerator with his Good Old Sport koozie.

The best of the rest include:

1. Drew Ahlers (13-2; 54*)
2. Alex Edlin (12-3; 38*)
3. Jeff Osborn (11-4; 49*)
4. Mel "0 for 2016" Eperthener (11-4; 42*)
T-5. Landon Davison (11-4; 38*)
T-5. Ellen Barkemeyer (11-4; 38*)

*Total points estimate for Monday Night Football. Actual: 51

GET YOUR WEEK 14 PICKS IN NOW. Winner gets a Good Old Sport Koozie. Submission deadline is Thursday, 12/8 at 8:25pm ET.

Good Sport
The Best Player You Don't Know
Frank Gore, a running back who's played for almost exclusively shitty teams during his NFL career, just passed Tony Dorsett for eighth on the NFL's all-time rushing list. Imagine what he would have done on good teams, and then imagine what he would have done in outer space, then eat another edible muffin because you're right, that is a genius way to get high while at work without anyone knowing.

Bad Sport
While we think basketball is now WAY too soft of a sport (Bad Boys, anyone?), we don't think trucking a guy way smaller than you is the way to convince management to let players get a bit physical, sorry Amar'e.

Never Forget
How cool personalized license plates can be. Never forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
SOCCER. Bayern Munich vs. Atlético Madrid - 2:30pm on ESPN2; Manchester City vs. Celtic - 2:30pm on FS1
NCAA BASKETBALL. Purdue vs. Arizona State - 7pm on ESPN; Villanova vs. La Salle - 7pm on ESPN2; Youngstown State at Michigan State - 7pm on ESPNU; Princeton vs. California - 7pm on FS1; Florida vs. Duke - 9pm on ESPN; Texas at Michigan - 9pm on ESPN2; IPFW at Notre Dame - 9pm on ESPNU; Seton Hall vs. Hawaii - 9:30pm on FS1
Link Of The Day: Shit Just Got Real
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