Tis But A Scratch, Major Beef, & The Patriot Way.
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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Tis But A Scratch. Thomas Davis, the Carolina Panthers' Pro-Bowl linebacker, may have broken his forearm in the NFC Championship game, but he still expects to play in the Super Bowl just two weeks from now. Admirable fortitude, no doubt, but we've seen greater injuries overcome in the past.
  • Rankings. Despite a recent (and surprising) loss to Iowa State, Oklahoma still sits atop the latest college basketball AP Top 25 poll, with the North Carolina Tar Heels just five points behind at #2. Duke currently sits at #24, but may find themselves out of the next rankings with their latest defeat to Miami (80-69) giving the Blue Devils four loses in five games.
  • It's Settled. Quarterback Jameis Winston, that guy the Tampa Bay Buccaneers thought was a good enough human being to draft No. 1 overall, had a lawsuit settled between his former alma mater, Florida State, and Erica Kinsman, who said Winston raped her while they were both students. FSU agreed to pay Kinsman $950k. What size Winston jersey did you want for your kid again?
  • Major Beef. Boxer Floyd Mayweather said UFC fighter Conor McGregor is "proof" that racism still exists. McGregor told Mayweather to check himself, claiming "there are people buried in the desert for less than that (comment)." Mayweather responded in a FightHype interview, calling McGregor, in so many words, thin-skinned. Race War!
  • Gotta Catch 'Em All! One of the first Super Bowl commercials has been released, and it's for "Pokémon." God help us.
  • Still Racist? The Philadelphia Eagles signed tight end Zach Ertz to a five-year, $42.5 million contract extension, with $20 million guaranteed. Now we lie in wait for ESPN commentator Stephen A. Smith's inevitable comment on the Eagles affinity for white players, despite former coach, and accused racist, Chip Kelly being run out of town.
  • Big Names Get Big Wins. Tennis stars Serena Williams, Roger Federer, and Novak Djokovic posted clutch wins to advance to the Australian Open semifinals.

The Main Event
WHAT?
Last night's "Real NBA Finals preview" between the San Antonio Spurs and Golden State Warriors confirmed you should drop whatever you're doing, go to Vegas, and put your life savings on the Golden State Warriors to repeat as NBA champions.

WHAT ELSE?
Just days after pulling LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers' pants down, Steph Curry and the Warriors put a pie in the face of the Spurs in the form of a 120-90 ass-whooping. A surprising result, given the game was billed by many to be the best regular season match ever. Both teams entered the contest riding impressive win streaks. The Spurs were winners of 13-straight, while the Warriors hadn't lost at home in 38 games. Something had to give. Unfortunately for San Antonio, it was the Spurs' defense, which allowed 120 points, 37 by Curry, in a loss that was Nick Nolte-caliber ugly.

THOUGHTS?
Get ready to see a lot more of Riley Curry during Golden State victory pressers this June.

NFL Pick 'Em - Super Bowl 50
Tom Brady and the New England Patriots took a dump in the AFC Championship game, taking everyone's picks down the shitter with them. A surprising amount of Good Old Sporters also chose the Arizona Cardinals for god knows why, so the conference title games ended up being a near wash across the board. Now's your chance for redemption. GET YOUR FINAL PICKS OF THE SEASON IN FOR SUPER BOWL 50. Winner gets a $25 gift card to NFLShop.com and the unspoken contempt of their peers.

We'll reveal our bulletproof prediction next week. Editor's Note: Good Old Sport went 2/2 for the conference championship round. NBD

Good Sport
HOCKEY HOMAGE
The Edmonton Oilers wrapped their hockey sticks in rainbow-colored "Pride Tape" in an open practice for fans to show support for LGBT hockey players. It's a commendable endorsement, which welcomes people of all backgrounds to enjoy the many things that make hockey a beautiful sport, like getting their face slashed by a skate or teeth knocked out by a puck. Can you feel the love?

Bad Sport
I'M NOT AS THINK AS YOU DRUNK I AM
Former Heisman winner, and NFL flameout, Vince Young, who appears to have eaten the younger version of himself since his playing days, was arrested on DWI charges after a night out at an Austin-area hotel bar. Police reported Young reeked of booze, was three hours off when asked what time it was, and stumbled during a field sobriety test. Recently, Young had been working with the University of Texas as a "role model" for at-risk students. It appears Young adopted a hands-on method of instruction by showing students what not to do.

THE PATRIOT WAY
The night before the New England Patriots lost to the Denver Broncos in the AFC Championship game, Pats practice squad player J.J. Worton went out for a night on the town to uphold "The Patriot Way" the best way he knew how... by getting arrested. Worton has been accused of groping two women (butt touching) and knocking out one of their boyfriends while boozing at a local Irish pub in Foxboro. Sorry, Worton, but when coach Bill Belichick said "Do Your Job," we don't think he meant your off-field occupation as town pervert.

What Has The Rio Olympic Committee F*cked Up Now?
Welcome back to our recurring segment, "What Has The Rio Olympic Committee F*cked Up Now?" We'll be keeping you up-to-date on all the disastrous developments coming out of Rio, host of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games.

The latest calamity ought to have our aquatic-based athletes tickled (again). Rio is scrambling to contain an outbreak of the Zika virus, which is "a mosquito-borne virus linked to a rare birth defect and a condition that can cause paralysis." The mosquitoes that carry the debilitating disease breed around stagnant bodies water, kind of like the ones Olympic athletes from around the world will be using to compete in. Rio has promised daily water examinations to "monitor the issue." Comforting. Cheers to the next generation of mutant athletes, courtesy of the 2016 summer games.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NHL. Blackhawks at Hurricanes - 7:30pm on NBC Sports; Avalanche at Sharks - 10pm on NBC Sports
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Indiana at Wisconsin - 7pm on ESPN; Texas Tech at Oklahoma - 7pm on ESPN2; Creighton at Georgetown - 6:30pm on Fox Sports 1; Georgia at LSU - 9pm on ESPN; Xavier at Providence - 8:30pm on Fox Sports 1
TENNIS. Australian Open: Women's and Men's Quarterfinals - 9pm on ESPN2
SKIING. FIS World Cup: Men's Slalom - 2:30pm on NBC Sports
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