Casting Couch, BFFs, & Pooping In The Stanley Cup.
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Friday, February 19, 2016

Friday Fun

The Main Event
WHAT?
The NBA trade deadline has come and gone... twice if you're Lakers guard Nick "Swaggy P" Young. All-Stars Kevin Love, Dwight Howard, and Blake Griffin were all rumored to be on the trade block, but no blockbuster deals were made when the clock struck "12," leaving us with the leftovers to begrudgingly discuss.

WHAT ELSE?
The trade we mentioned on Wednesday between the Detroit Pistons, who received Tobias Harris, and the Orlando Magic, who got Brandon Jennings and Ersan Ilyasova, ended up being the biggest deal of all the boring deals, so count that as a win, Detroit! You're the champs!

Other "exciting" deals include the Hornets' acquisition of Courtney Lee, Markieff Morris being shipped to the Wizards after requesting a trade back in August, and the least titillating three-way you could ever imagine, a trade that sent Channing Frye to the Cavaliers, Jared Cunningham to the Magic, and Anderson Varejao to the Trail Blazers.

THOUGHTS?
Although the rumored high-profile trades failed to materialize, the many mid-level moves, while not splashy, provided teams with what they believe to be the missing piece, or at least a building block for the future, which could explain why the Lakers did jack shit. It appears they've given up hope for a while.

Click for more trade info.

Good Sport
STANLEY COMES TO TOWN
The reigning Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks met with President Obama at the White House yesterday to celebrate their 2015 Stanley Cup victory. Obama, a well-known Chicago sports fan, welcomed the team with open arms and commented on the Stanley Cup trophy, saying, "It truly is the best trophy in sports. I’ll admit I was hoping you’d give me a day with it this time around." Knowing what the Cup has been through over the years, it would probably be a national security threat to hand it off to the POTUS. It's been soaked in a chlorine pool, shit and pissed in by a baby, and used as both a dog bowl and stripper pole.

Bad Sport
STANK-EES
The New York Yankees new ticket policy prohibits the use of printable PDF versions of tickets, accepting only hard stock paper tickets or mobile tickets, formats which can only be obtained when purchasing through Ticketmaster, who just so happens to be a New York Yankee partner. Unlike rival StubHub, Ticketmaster sets a minimum price for ticket sales (something the New York Attorney General isn't too fond of), making it impossible for tickets to be listed at below face value. This effectively eliminates supply and demand, along with making it much harder for low-income earners to attend games, because paying to watch the Yankees lose is a luxury only the rich should be able to afford.

What Has The Rio Olympic Committee F*cked Up Now?
We have another chapter to share in our ongoing series chronicling the disastrous developments coming out of Rio, host of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games.

After initially promising to "eliminate 80 percent of the sewage" in the contaminated waters Olympic athletes will be competing in, Rio 2016 spokesman Mario Andrada recently told an Outside The Lines reporter, "It’s not going to happen because there was not enough commitment, funds and energy." Sorry, athletes, but Rio doesn't have the scratch to keep you from swimming in feces.

G.O.A.T. of the Week (What is G.O.A.T.?)
SooBin Kim. Unlike her name, Kim's golf game is no joke. The South Korean golfer shot a course-record 63 (9-under par) during the first day of the Women's Australian Open.

Goat of the Week (What's a Goat?)
Tennessee Volunteers. Good god has it been a shitty week for Tennessee football. Human forehead and Volunteer alum, Peyton Manning, may or may not be guilty of sexually assaulting six women while at the school, a baby-faced offensive lineman sent dick pics to a 14-year-old, and a defensive lineman, who's obviously a big fan of Chris Brown, was sent to jail after choking a woman to near unconsciousness. Who knew the gate to hell ran through Knoxville, Tennessee?

(Dis)Honorable Mention: A judge determined nine years in prison was not enough for serial rapist, and former NFL safety, Darren Sharper. His plea deal was rejected because this roofie-enthusiast needs way more time than nine years behind bars.

Quote of the Week
"You can’t be a fighter and be in 10 movies a year" - Brock Lesnar

The former UFC heavyweight champion doesn't think Ronda Rousey can be a fighter and a movie star at the same time. While Rousey does suck at acting, (and UFC as of her last fight) that doesn't mean all fighters don't have the chops for acting. See certified cinema and fighting badasses John Cena and The Rock.

Good Old Caption Winner
"Jimmy Johnson's secret dream come true"

Blake Garner is this week's winner! We always thought there was something between Jimmy and Terry on Fox NFL Sunday too. An über dope Good Old Sport shirt is on the way!

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
Go out and get some exercise this weekend? Or stay in, drink beer, and watch sports? We thought so. Check out all the action RIGHT HERE!
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