Last night was the ESPYs, ESPN’s annual award show that recognizes outstanding individual and team athletic performances over the past year. You’re probably thinking, “Son of a bitch, not another goddamn award show.” While it’s true that most award shows suck, this one sucked a little less.
Host John Cena’s opening monologue was on point
, as he barbed J.R. Smith for actually wearing a shirt, Roger Goodell for being a maniacal, manipulative string-puller, and Peyton Manning and Kobe Bryant for their strikingly-similar final games (memorable, with no passing). Well done, Doctor of Thuganomics
. The show wasn’t without its poignant moments, however, with NBA stars LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Paul, and Carmelo Anthony delivering a powerful message
about ending police/race-related violence. Also, sideline reporter Craig Sager, who is dying of leukemia, gave a warm, tear-inducing speech
as he accepted the Jimmy V Perseverance Award. In typical Sager fashion, he did so in an ungodly colorful sport coat
. #SagerStrong. And now, onto the awards:
Best Male Athlete:
LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Best Female Athlete:
Breanna Stewart, UConn women's basketball
Best Record-Breaking Performance:
Stephen Curry, Golden State Warriors (NBA record 402 3-pointers in a season)
Best Breakthrough Athlete:
Jake Arrieta, Chicago Cubs (2015 NL Cy Young winner)
Check out the full list right here
Bar none, the best moment of the night came from a (probably) drunk Lindsey Vonn, who was very handsy with J.J. Watt on the red carpet during a live interview, caressing his biceps while discussing "lots of massages" to his "groin area."
Keep it in your pants, Linds.