Chance The Rapper, 0 SB Rings Combined, & Cats In The Cradle.
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Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Two Reds Don't Make A Right. A couple of Roma (Italian soccer team) players had some very dirty and dangerous tackles (1 and 2) on their opponents. Both players deservedly received red cards during their 0-3 loss to FC Porto, and just like that you received all the game's essential news without having to watch it.
  • What Else Is New? The NFL is getting sued. This time, it's because of the cancelled Hall of Fame game, which was scrapped because the field was somehow worse than that at Levi's Stadium. Fans weren't notified of the cancellation until about an hour before the game began, so imagine how drunk they must have been when they received he news.
  • Ball Don't Lie. Former professional fouler (most career and single-season technical fouls, and most ejections) and part-time basketball player Rasheed Wallace took on Chance The Rapper's 'So Gone Challenge' and dropped a verse of his own.

The Main Event
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers don't know what they're doing.

In this year's NFL draft, the Bucs wasted their second-round pick by selecting a kicker, but hold on, it gets worse. They actually traded up, sending their third-round and fourth-round picks to the Kansas City Chiefs, to grab their kicker, Roberto Aguayo, in the second round.

We get it. Aguayo was a great college kicker. He's the most accurate kicker in NCAA history and never missed a field goal from inside the 40-yard line while playing at FSU. All of that is super impressive. But you must be high out of your mind to think he's worth of a second, third, and fourth-round pick, because apparently, he's not. Aguayo's been struggling mightily during his rookie preseason campaign, missing his very first attempt (an extra point), going 2-4 in game two, and now struggling to make kicks in practice.

We know he's a rookie, that this is preseason football, and his struggles are more mental than physical, but using a second, third, and fourth-round pick on a kicker is management's way of saying they feel their only a kicker away from becoming a Super Bowl winning team. News flash: they aren't (finished last season 6-10).

No kicker is worth a second, third, and fourth-round pick, but here are three kickers who were picked earlier than Aguayo during their respective Drafts:
  • Sebastian Janikowski. 1st-Round - 17th Overall. 2000 Draft Class. 0 Super Bowl Rings.
  • Mike Nugent. 2nd-Round - 47th Overall. 2005 Draft Class. 0 Super Bowl Rings.
  • Jason Hanson. 2nd Round - 56th Overall. 1992 Draft Class. 0 Super Bowl Rings.
Notice a pattern?

Good Sport
Joel Jensen
Even in the Little League World Series, this coach showed us that although he's nothing like the dads in Cats In The Cradle, he can still make us cry. In the top of the fifth inning, Jensen called a timeout to tell his pitcher son to that he loves him. 😭

Bad Sport
Dez Bryant
The Cowboys receiver who's known for losing his cool more than losing his giant diamond earrings, voiced his displeasure with his 90 Madden rating, saying, "I play Madden, I [expletive] love Madden… They would do me like that? Oh my God. That is an insult, like why would you do that to me?” Bryant later went on to say he was joking, but you can only cry wolf so many times before the public justifiably takes your various reasons for whining seriously.

Wet Your Whistle Wednesday
Tomorrow is National Whiskey Sour Day. Take note of the following so when people annoyingly ask, "What's even in a Whiskey Sour?" you can pretend like you've known all along.
This recipe comes straight out of Grandpa's bartender's guide, so you know it'll get you sloshed. Grab a fresh lemon (this crap sucks). Juice half of it into a cup and use the other half to write your friends secret messages in front of your teacher (We totally can't believe how fat her butt looks either). Now, dump two shots of whiskey into the same cup. We're not going to tell you what whiskey to choose, because discovering what you like is part of becoming an adult. It just needs be whiskey. Pretty unfu*kupable. Boil (it'll be worth it) 1 cup water and 1 1/2 cups of brown sugar until the sugar dissolves; let it cool. Add your brown sugar syrup to taste, garnish with a cherry and lemon slice, and whala! You're drunk.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES. International Elimination Game - 1pm on ESPN; U.S. Elimination Game - 3pm on ESPN; International Winners-Bracket Game - 5pm on ESPN; U.S. Winners-Bracket Game - 7:30pm on ESPN
UEFA SOCCER. Manchester City vs. Steaua Bucharest - 2:30pm on FS1
MLB. Giants at Dodgers - 10pm on ESPN
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