White House Royalty, Bro Code Violation, & F*ck You, Pikachu.
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Friday, July 22, 2016

Friday Fun
  • Well F*ck You Too, Pikachu. A dude in a Pikachu costume looked like he was flipping off the crowd during a Pokémon Go skit with the Philadelphia Phillies' mascot, "The Phillie Phanatic." We suppose that's better than Laura Ingraham (possibly) performing a Nazi salute at the Republican National Convention.
  • Olympic Jousting? Let's Make It Happen. Hell yes. A company called English Heritage is pushing a petition to make medieval jousting an Olympic event. Sign the petition here immediately, and let's just hope the safety-conscious International Olympic Committee hasn't seen Game of Thrones.
  • Practice Is Golden. The USA hoops team has begun practicing for the Olympics, and all is well. Kevin Durant's been putting on a shooting clinic, Coach K's dropping f-bombs at Kyrie Irving, and Klay Thompson begrudgingly wished teammate DeAndre Jordan a happy birthday. The gold's as good as ours.
  • Dope Granny. The Stanley Cup is making its rounds between Pittsburgh Penguins players, and the latest stop is with right winger Phil Kessel, whose grandmother chugged champagne out of the trophy like a true champion.

The Main Event
WHAT?
The NBA is moving the 2017 All-Star Game from Charlotte because North Carolina hates the gays.

WHAT ELSE?
Ever since North Carolina enacted the HB2 law in March, which eliminates anti-discrimination protection and restricts public restroom access for the LGBT community, the NBA said it would re-evaluate the location of its 2017 All-Star Game, scheduled to be held in Charlotte. NBA commissioner Adam Silver even spoke of the issue at the NBA Finals in early June, saying that progress would need to be made if the game was to stay in North Carolina. About a month later, lawmakers did revisit HB2, but only made minor revisions to the act, leaving the controversial law mostly intact. That wasn't enough progress for the NBA, because yesterday the league officially announced the game would be relocated from Charlotte. Cities that gay-bash a little less, including New Orleans, New York, and Chicago, are reportedly in the running to host the All-Star Game, with New Orleans being the early favorite. An official announcement on the new location is expected "in the coming weeks." On the plus side for Charlotte, if lawmakers get their shit together, the NBA will consider the city for the 2019 All-Star Game.

THOUGHTS?
We're happy that Charlotte-native Steph Curry isn't happy with this decision.

Good Sport
Royalty At The White House
The reigning World Series Champion Kansas City Royals finally got around to the customary White House visit for championship teams. Obama ripped the Royals for their uncreative player nicknames (Hoz, Moose, Salvy), ribbed outfielder Jarrod Dyson for his dumber than dumb quote ("That's what speed do"), and praised the Royals' ability to squeeze in Fetty Wap references into their press conferences last year. Here's hoping the Royals enjoyed the laughs, because now they have to go back to reality, AKA; their very disappointing season (nine games back in the AL Central).

Honorable Mention: Holy hell, the LA Angels are slightly less shitty as of late. They've won six in a row and have finally climbed out of last place in the AL West.

Bad Sport
Social Distortion
Four men robbed and beat up Moses Malone Jr., son of NBA great Moses Malone, outside of a Houston-area strip club last last month. According to recently released court documents, the beating was retaliation for a negative Facebook post Malone posted about Houston Rockets star James Harden. Harden hasn't been charged and hasn't commented on the issue, but the four aforementioned dudes have been charged with aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon. Moral of the story: Don't throw social shade at Harden, or his goons will come after you.

Ball Buster
George Washington University basketball coach Mike Lonergan is a ball buster, as shown by the verbal and emotional abuse reported by his players. Is telling a player his "son would always be on food stamps" and another to transfer to a "transgender league" not kosher anymore?

G.O.A.T. of the Week (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Hanley "The Hulk" Ramirez. The Boston Red Sox infielder hit three homers Wednesday night in a 11-7 win against the San Francisco Giants. Ramirez claims his final dinger of the evening was the result of getting beaned by Giants reliever Albert Suarez in the fourth inning, saying after the game, "every time I get hit, that fires me up." After getting "fired up," Ramirez shared choice words with Suarez before exacting his revenge by swatting his final home run in the sixth inning. You won't like Ramirez when he's angry.

Goat of the Week (What's a Goat?)
Sammy Ndjock. The Minnesota United FC keeper executed an own goal that is simply beyond comprehension. We assume Njdock had to have pocketed money from the opposing squad after this gem.
(Dis)Honorable Mention: New York Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia, because he's simply too fat to be a baseball player. He fell down while throwing a pitch yesterday in a 4-1 loss to the Baltimore Orioles. Someone really needs to follow him around with a tuba all day. We know Stewie from Family Guy is up for it.

Quote of the Week
"The reason that he’s become so relevant is because of me." - Odell Beckham Jr.

The New York Giants wide receiver couldn't think more highly of himself, insisting the only reason All-Pro cornerback Josh Norman is well known is because of their tumultuous on-field rivalry, which included several fights in a single game last year. Now that Norman signed with the division rival Washington Redskins, we can't wait to see them tussle twice a year... if they can put their phones down long enough to move their trash talking from Twitter to the field.

Good Old Caption Winner
"Hey boys, guess who just got laid?!"
"Bro, that was Trout's sister.." - Derek Bratrud

Kudos to Derek for calling out LA Angels outfielder Ji-man Choi's major violation of the bro code, which still couldn't stop Choi from celebrating his literal and figuratively sexual home run. Please adhere to the bro code while wearing your new Good Old Sport baseball tee, Derek.

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