Something Stinks, No More Skittles, & Too Fat To Play.
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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Something Stinks. The Duke University women's basketball team is historically shitty this year, and are now unranked for the first time since 1999. The men's squad cut an even smellier turd, having lost three-consecutive games to unranked opponents for the first time in 47 years.
  • Brief Glory. Duke isn't the only basketball program feeling blue this morning. The country's top ranked team, the Oklahoma Sooners, were upset by #19 Iowa 82-77 just hours after becoming a #1 team for the first time since 1990. Get ready to step back down that ladder, boys.
  • Just Walk, Douchebags. Carolina Panthers coach Ron Rivera has banned his players from using those ridiculous "hoverboards" that don't actually hover. Rivera grew concerned after learning players were drag racing them down the halls, and he should be worried, considering all the painfully funny fail videos that have surfaced featuring the back-breaking gizmo.
  • No More Skittles. Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch is reportedly "100% done" in Seattle. Lynch's cap hit ($11.5 million) and age (30 by next season, or 100 in running back years) were cited as primary factors.
  • This Just Got Interesting. A Canadian junior hockey game turned watchable when a referee punched a player for no reason after a big brawl. A team trainer burst onto the ice in sneakers and clumsily clobbered the ref as retribution.
  • Elevens. The Chicago Blackhawks of the NHL and the San Antonio Spurs of the NBA have both won 11 games in a row. #Swag
  • Weight Watchers. Green Bay Packers running back Eddie Lacy is so fat it looks like he ate the Scouting Combine version of himself, then had dessert. Head coach Mike McCarthy is over it, saying the fat back "can't play" at the same weight again next year.
  • Sibling Rivalry. Outfielder, and 3x All-Star, Justin Upton, the younger, more talented, and now richer version of his brother, B.J., agreed to a six-year $132.75 million deal with the Detroit Tigers.

The Main Event
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day featured a flurry of NBA activity, including four nationally televised games, the most you'll see on a single day this season next to Christmas (5).

Tributes were plentiful and powerful as teams paid homage to the late civil rights leader, whose accomplishments are particularly impactful for a league largely comprised of African-American players. TNT's postgame show, Inside the NBA, interviewed King's son, Martin Luther King III at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center for Nonviolent Social Change. In Memphis, where King was killed, the Grizzlies hosted remembrance events all week. The league also released a reflection video featuring today's top stars discussing King's influence on their lives.

Luckily, teams also honored King with some great b-ball on the court. The Knicks, who've hosted a game on MLK, Jr. Day every year since 1987, beat the 76ers 119-113 in double overtime. Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony tied the game by hitting a 3-pointer with 3.4 seconds left in regulation to send it to OT, where the Knicks battled ahead for the win. It's a special win on a special day for the Knicks, even if it was against the godawful 76ers (5-38). The Charlotte Hornets and Utah Jazz also pushed their game to double OT, where Hornets point guard Kemba Walker's franchise-record 52-point game put the Hornets on top of the Jazz, 124-119. You can check out scores from the rest of yesterday's games right here.

If you missed all the great games because you were at work, just call your boss a "Donald Sterling-type of racist" for not letting you have the day off. That should free up the day next year... or everyday this year depending on how they take it.

NFL Pick 'Em - Championship Round
The Divisional round is in the books, and the Good Old Sport Playoff Pick 'Em Challenge is coming down to the wire! GET YOUR CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP PICKS IN NOW to win a $25 gift card to! You may as well join the fun while you have the chance, because there's just three football games left until we enter the annual, cripplingly-depressive dark age known as the NFL offseason. Get the Zoloft ready.

Our picks:

Denver over New England, because we really hope so.
Carolina over Arizona, because we really think so.

Good Sport
The future gold medal basketball team for the 2016 Rio Summer Olympics is beginning to take shape. 30 finalists have been announced, including last year's League MVP, Steph Curry, plus three-time gold medalists LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony. Team USA's looking for a three-peat, having won gold at the 2012 and 2008 games. The final 12-man roster will be released later this year.

Bad Sport
Oregon State forward Jarmal Reid has been suspended for "at least four games" for intentionally tripping a referee. Reid made the adult decision to trip referee Tommy Nunez after Nunez failed to call a foul on Utah Utes center Jakob Poeltl, who bumped into Reid, causing him to fall to the floor. Reid issued an apology, saying he was "not raised to act in that manner," despite acting exactly in that manner.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NHL. Blackhawks at Predators - 8pm on NBC Sports
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Illinois at Indiana - 7pm on ESPN; Kansas at Oklahoma State - 7pm on ESPN2; Butler at Providence - 6:30pm on Fox Sports 1; LSU at Texas A&M - 9pm on ESPN; Georgetown at Xavier - 8:30pm on Fox Sports 1
SOCCER. FA Cup: Bristol City vs. West Brom - 2:30pm on Fox Sports 1
TENNIS. Australian Open, Second-Round Play - 9pm on ESPN2
BOXING. Premier Boxing Champions: Jamal James vs. Javier Molina (welterweight) - 11pm on Fox Sports 1
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