Naval Warfare, UFOs, & Steve Hex
View this email in your browser
MailChimp Logo
Friday, March 25, 2016

Friday Fun
  • Sweet Revenge. Unlike the first two rounds of March Madness, which were littered with upsets, the first four games of the "Sweet 16" round proved the favorites wouldn't be dicking around this time. All four higher-seeded teams in yesterday's games (No.1 Kansas, No. 2 Villanova, No. 1 Oregon, and No. 1 Oklahoma) won by at least 14 points. The big boys are back.
  • Naval Warfare. Unbeknownst to you, the French and British Navies engaged in a fierce battle this week… on the rugby field. A rugby match between the French Navy and British Navy deteriorated into a full-team brawl, signaling the return of a bitter hatred between France and Britain not seen since the Hundred Years’ War. Ya, we paid attention in history class, what of it?
  • Steve Hex. With 11 games left in the season, Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr finally admitted the 64-7 Warriors are indeed looking to break the record for regular season wins (72-10, set by the '95-96 Chicago Bulls). Like a pitcher announcing mid-game he’d like to throw a no-hitter, Kerr has officially hexed the Warriors.
  • Close Encounters Of The Orange Kind. Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers told “You Made It Weird" podcast host Pete Holmes he had an alien encounter with a “large, orange” UFO. If you see Rodgers running around the field with a tinfoil hat on instead of a helmet this fall, you’ll know why.
  • Best Laid To Rest. Johan Cruyff, widely considered to be one of the greatest soccer players ever, has died at age 69 of cancer. The Dutch footballer earned a number of accolades as a players and coach, including being named European footballer of the year three teams, making you feel all the shittier for (likely) only having heard of him just now.
  • Along For The Ride. Check out this GoPro video of a snowmobiler who survived a fat avalanche. That is all.

The Main Event
The Cleveland Browns made a very Cleveland Browns move yesterday by proudly signing another flawed quarterback, Robert Griffin III, to save their franchise.

After washing out with the Washington Redskins, RG3 comes to Cleveland on a two-year, $15 million deal as the latest representation of false hope for Browns fans everywhere. It’s the same false hope that led the Redskins to foolishly trade three first-round picks (a King’s ransom) to the Rams so they could move up in the 2012 NFL Draft to get a quarterback who barely knows how to play the position. RG3’s former coach, Jay Gruden, said as much after a 2014 loss, stating, “Robert had some fundamental flaws. His footwork was below average. He read the wrong side of the field a couple times. It was not even close to being good enough to what we expect from the quarterback position.”

So he sucked in DC, big deal. Does that mean he’ll suck in Cleveland? Our magic 8-ball says “All signs point to yes.” RG3 is a player who needs plenty of help from a great supporting cast. He said so himself when he claimed great quarterbacks “don't play well if their guys don't play well." Luckily, it’s recently been suggested the 2016 Browns will field the worst team in modern NFL history. We’ve seen recipes for disaster before, and this signing has all the ingredients.

Even if you actively dislike the Browns, it’s tough to watch a perennially-shitty franchise make the same mistakes over and over again. It’s like watching a small child continually touch a hot stove without learning anything. Although, it’ll be amusing to see RG3’s name added to the Browns’ infamous jersey of shame, which contains the many failed quarterbacks Cleveland has shuffled through in the last decade and a half. He’ll fit in nicely right after Johnny Manziel.

Good Sport
World No. 2 golfer Jason Day is inhuman. He beat Graeme McDowell on Day 1 (this past Wednesday) of the Dell Match Play tournament, despite experience “searing” back pain that caused him to seek medical attention after their match. Yesterday, he surprised by not only playing, but by beating his Day 2 opponent, Thongchai Jaidee, thanks in no small part to a 372-yard drive on the first hole, which landed on the green. Considering Day’s injury, how is it possible he hit a tee shot almost 400 yards? Our theory: Day was replaced with a Terminator 2-style liquid metal robot with a humanoid exoskeleton of his likeness. Either that, or he’s just good at golf. We’ll go with the former. Keep up on the Day 3 Dell Match Play action right here.

Bad Sport
NFL = Big Tobacco
Somehow, the NFL is even more full of shit than we initially thought. A New York Times investigative report found the league omitted “more than 100 diagnosed concussions from 1996 to 2001” from a league-funded study on concussions. Obviously, this made it seem like the league experienced less concussions than it actually did. The report even compared the NFL to big tobacco, as the tobacco industry often used questionable data to downplay the dangers of cigarettes. Does this mean we’ll see the NFL featured on the next dubstep-infused Truth anti-cigarette commercial? Probably not, but remember; an occasional concussion is still a concussion, kids. #Truth

(Dis)Honorable Mention: A pair of big-name NASCAR drivers have been fined and placed on probation. Danica Patrick was fined $20k for walking onto the track (dumbass), and Kyle Busch was fined $10k for not doing a post-race interview (lazy).

G.O.A.T. of the Week (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Craig Sager. TNT's longtime basketball sideline reporter known for his hid·e·ous suits and rocky on-screen relationship with Gregg Popovich, told HBO’s Real Sports his leukemia is no longer in remission and doctors estimate he has 3-6 months left to live. Craig isn't giving up, saying, "I'm fighting this thing to the end." Give it hell; we aren't ready to not see your ridiculous suits courtside.

Goat of the Week (What's a Goat?)
Jonas Borring. The former Randers FC soccer player said of Christian Keller, the team's caption, "He has broken rule No. 1 in the dressing room." That of course isn't referring to being way too eager to help a teammate fetch the dropped soap in the shower (which is rule No. 2), but rather sleeping with your teammate's wife. Borring, who looks like a ton of fun, has decided to leave the team, while Keller gets the wife, the team, and the respect of no one... except for Borring's wife. You win some, you lose some.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: After being sentenced to six years in prison for doin' the dirty with a 15-year-old, news came out that former Sunderland A.F.C. soccer player Adam Johnson was also facing charges for possessing a beastiality video on his computer. This lead us to believe he just multiplied the 15-year-old's age by 7, like dog years. In any case, he'll probably have a better time in jail than Jared Fogle.

Quote of the Week
"Anybody get this on film?" - A Little League first base coach

After making it safely to first base, a young runner did a hilariously cute celebration dance. This one's worth forwarding to mom.

Good Old Caption Winner
"We're all victims of our own hubris at times" - Kevin Spacey

Kudos to Jim Swantusch for calling out Kevin Spacey on living out his own proverb. A Good Old Sport pint glass is on the way so you can enjoy a big gulp of Spacey-style self-satisfaction.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
Check out what's on right here.
Copyright © 2016 Good Old Sport, All rights reserved.

receive a 'Weekly Recap' instead of unsubscribing    unsubscribe from this list