Kim Kardashian's Ex-Husband, Staal Brothers, & Snap It Like Smylie.
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Monday, February 29, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend
  • If You Ain't First, You're Last. Jimmie Johnson apparently took Ricky Bobby's words of wisdom to heart, winning the Honor QuikTrip 500 at Atlanta Motor Speedway, which also tied him with Dale Earnhardt for 7th all-time on the Sprint Cup wins list (76).
  • Saints Spotlight. The New Orleans Saints are reportedly being targeted by the NFL to star as the next team on HBO's Hard Knocks. Along with watching the annual rookie talent show, we can't wait to get a look inside their bounty war room where they evaluate how much money is to be paid for injuring opposing players.
  • City Of Champions. Manchester City won the Capital One Cup, a soccer cup competition open to all 92 teams from England's Premier League and The Football League, by topping Liverpool 3-1 in a penalty shootout after, big surprise, regulation time ended in a draw (1-1). Reserve goalkeeper Willy Caballero made three stops for City in the shootout.
  • Moving Around. The NHL trade deadline is today at 3pm (ET). One of the bigger moves to this point reunites brothers Eric and Marc Staal, as the New York Rangers acquired Eric from the Miami Hurricanes, where he was team captain. Now the Rangers get to hear the Staal bros argue over who coach loves more. Check out the rest of the moves right here.
  • Sad Day. Kris Humphries was cut by the second-to-last place Phoenix Suns, making this the worst moment of his life (besides that brief 72-day marriage to a Kardashian).

The Main Event
The 2016 Honda Classic was a rip-roaring good time complete with f-bombs, pantless shots, clubs broken over knees, and a heart attack.

Australian golfer Adam Scott won the tournament (-9) to capture his first win in almost two years. This despite shooting a quadruple bogey on the 15th hole, such a terrible performance that if you were playing Scott in putt-putt, you'd give him the max score of 6 without even letting him finish the hole to spare any further embarrassment. Nevertheless, Scott topped Spaniard Sergio García by one stroke to collect the win.

The rest of the field brought the weird, with Gary Woodland deciding that pants were optional when he shot out from the edge of a water hazard. Meanwhile, Shane Lowry and Smylie Kaufman both hit the water hazard on the 15th hole, with varying reactions. Lowry immediately called himself a "f*ckin' idiot," and Kaufman snapped his club over his knee a la Ken Caminiti. All the commotion was apparently too much to take for Jason Bohn, who had a heart attack after putting out on the 18th hole. He lived.

The bros on the Good Old Sport team get quadruple bogeys all the time when hitting the links. Does that mean we're close to being the next great golfers on the PGA tour? It's hard to say for certain, so let's just assume it's a hard yes.

Good Sport
Tennis Titans
It was a big weekend for tennis in the Middle East. Swiss player Stan Wawrinka took out Marcos Baghdatis, owner of the greatest derp face in sports history, to win the Dubai Tennis Championship. The victory marks Wawrinka's ninth-straight final win. As for the ladies, Carla "dead tooth" Suárez Navarro of Spain took out 18-year-old Latvian infant Jeļena Ostapenko to win the Qatar Total Open.

Bad Sport
Sour Silvas
It was a bad weekend to be a fighter named "Silva." Lightweight boxer Willian Silva lossed to Felix Verdejo after offering up his face as a speed bag in a very one-sided, 10-round fight. In London, UFC fighter Anderson Silva lost to Michael Bisping in a highly-competitive match that probably scared the hell out of any Brit who watched it. Although Silva lost a fight UFC President Dana White thought he should have won, at least his leg didn't fold in half at mid-shin this time, so he's got that goin' for him, which is nice.

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Steph Curry. One of these days Steph Curry won't appear in our G.O.A.T. segment... but that day is not today. The Golden State Warriors robot continues to annihilate opposing teams like Rebel Wilson annihilates pints of ice cream; swiftly and without mercy. In a 121-118, come-from-behind victory against the Oklahoma City Thunder, Curry scored 46 points, and 12 3-pointers (tied the NBA record for most 3-pointers in a game, and broke the record for most 3-pointers in a season), which included the game-winning 3-pointer from about 873 feet out. Don't worry if you missed it, you can see it again later this summer at the ESPY Awards when it wins "Best Play."

Honorable Mention: Tim Duncan, the San Antonio Spurs' 39-year-old boy wonder, passed Karl Malone for sixth place on the NBA's All-Time rebounds list (14,971 rebounds) while becoming the 5th player with 3,000+ blocks.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Abraham Almonte. The Cleveland Indians' projected starting center fielder was slapped with an 80-game ban after testing positive for an anabolic steroid normally used on horses. To think we were this close to having a real-life BoJack Horseman playing in the MLB this year.

Quote of the Weekend
"My dick came out." - Chris Jones

The 6'6", 308-pound Mississippi State defensive lineman had a wardrobe malfunction while running the 40 at the NFL combine, and immediately made every white NFL coach and owner in the building feel uncomfortable and inferior.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Syracuse at North Carolina - 7pm on ESPN; South Florida at Connecticut - 7pm on ESPN2; Kansas at Texas - 9pm on ESPN; (women's) Texas at Baylor - 9pm on Fox Sports 1
WWE. Monday Night Raw - 11pm on USA
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