Cultural Savant, Death Wish, & Where's The Love?
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Wednesday, January 6, 2016
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Quick Hits
  • Cultural Savant. Irish UFC fighter Conor McGregor is a popular man, and boxer Floyd Mayweather thinks that's bullshit. Mayweather believes McGregor is only in the limelight because he's white. Sound thoughts on racism in sports from a man who once referred to boxer Manny Pacquiao as a "little yellow chump."
  • Death Wish. UK’s leading base jumper, Dan Witchalls, completed three illegal jumps in one night (one of which was just 170ft off the ground) in the Canary Wharf district of London. We'll be back to report on his death later this month.
  • No Red Rifle. Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton had a cast removed from his right hand that was protecting a fractured finger, but he still won't play in the Bengals' wild card matchup against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Saturday. Friendly reminder that Bert Trautmann of Manchester City broke his neck in a soccer game... and he still finished the game.
  • Funny Fighter. After generating plenty of laughs from her hilariously brief fight against Holly Holm, UFC star Ronda Rousey is set to expand her comedic routine when she hosts 'Saturday Night Live' on January 23rd.
  • BK 4 Lyfe. Golden State Warriors stud Steph Curry and his dad (former NBA player Dell Curry) were in a series of Burger King ads in the early '90s, which strongly implied that eating cheeseburgers would make you a great athlete. Brb. Hitting up the drive-thru real quick.
  • Planning Ahead. The NFL released the 2016 season opponents for all 32 teams. Check out which squads will be providing the disappointment for your team next year.
  • Shit Storm. Ryan Zimmerman of the Washington Nationals and Ryan Howard of the Philadelphia Phillips, who were just two of several athletes (including Peyton Manning) implicated in a doping scandal by Al Jazeera America, are suing the news network for defamation. The shit's only going to get thicker, as future Hall-of-Fame shortstop Derek Jeter has now been linked to the scandal.
  • Double The Fun. Three players on the LSU men's basketball squad put up double-doubles, which included a ridiculous half-court alley-oop, in their 85-67 upset victory over #9 Kentucky.

The Main Event

Paul DePodesta, former New York Mets VP of Player Development and Scouting, has been hired by the Cleveland Browns as flame retardant for their dumpster fire of a franchise. DePodesta will assume the role of Chief Strategy Officer, with responsibilities to focus on player development, including support for the Brown's High Performance and Analytics departments. DePodesta has had tremendous success throughout his career, helping to build a Mets team that went to the World Series last year, and a 103-win Oakland Athletics team on a shoe-string budget in 2002, which was famously portrayed in the 2011 film, Moneyball. If you recall, actor Jonah Hill played a much fatter version of DePodesta in the film.

As respected as DePodesta is within the sports community, this acquisition screams "budget buy" for the Browns. It's apparent they're looking to leverage DePodesta's analytical and scouting prowess to build the best team possible without having to spend money like a real NFL team. DePodesta has worked wonders for the Mets and Athletics, so we can't wait to see how Cleveland, the pit stain of the NFL, will tarnish his great reputation.

Good Sport
NHL badass Jarome Iginla scored his 600th career goal, becoming just the 19th player in league history to accomplish that feat. The Colorado Avalanche right winger recorded the milestone moment in a 4-1 throttling of the Los Angeles Kings, which snapped LA's 5-game win streak. Iginla's record goal is great and all, but we mostly like him because he has practically registered as many fights as goals. How can you not love a guy who thinks hockey is better and safer with fighting in it?

Bad Sport
Sports fans in Philadelphia have had a rough year, and the Eagles' freshly-cut turd of a season (including the firing of head coach Chip Kelly) is the partially-digested cherry on top. All four of Philly's professional sports teams are a disaster. Eagles aside, the 76ers (NBA) are in the midst of the worst season in league history, the Phillies (MLB) were the worst team in baseball last year, and the Flyers (NHL) are sixth (out of eight teams) in their division. As tough as times are for the "City of Brotherly Love," it's hard to feel bad for a fanbase that booed Santa Claus and had one of their own intentionally vomit on an 11-year-old girl at a Phillies game. "He was still vomiting on the other fans that were holding him down." That, Philadelphia, is the smell of victory.

What Has The Rio Olympic Committee F*cked Up Now? 
We'd like to welcome you to a new, reoccurring segment we've decorously dubbed, "What Has The Rio Olympic Commitee F*cked Up Now?" We'll be keeping you up-to-date on all the disastrous developments coming out of Rio, host of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games. Previous stories include Rio's problem with fecal-filled water, and over-budgeting to the tune of a modest $520 million.

On this week's episode, water and electricity were turned off to Joao Havelange Stadium, future site of Olympic soccer and track and field events. A disagreement between the Brazilian government and Rio's Botafogo soccer club over payment responsibility has bloated the unpaid bill to over $200,000. Our suggestion to raise the necessary funds: bake sale? Brownies starting at just $9,999!

Never Forget
The time a Segway almost killed Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt. Never Forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern) 
NBA. Knicks at Heat - 7pm on ESPN; Grizzlies at Thunder - 9:30pm on ESPN
NHL. Penguins at Blackhawks - 8pm on NBC Sports
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. (women's) Rhode Island at George Washington - 12pm on NBC Sports; Florida at Tennessee - 7pm on ESPN2; Seton Hall at Villanova - 7pm on Fox Sports 1; California at Oregon - 9pm on ESPN2; Xavier at St. John's - 9pm on Fox Sports 1
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