Drake, Yeezus, & Stinky Fingers.
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Friday, February 12, 2016

Friday Fun
  • Yeezus. Lamar Odom joined the entire Kardashian crew at Kanye West's fashion show/album release event. This was Odom's first public appearance since almost dying at a Nevada brothel in October, which was nothing compared to spending 5 minutes with Khloe.
  • Flight For Dwight. The Houston Rockets are trying to trade center Dwight Howard. Which team will fail to live up to the hype after trading for him this time? Stay tuned!
  • Boo. Kevin Randleman, the former UFC heavyweight champion, two-time NCAA wresting champion, and three-time NCAA All-American, passed away due to heart failure. He was one of the most feared fighters during his prime, and judging by his size, will be one of the most feared ghosts in whatever place he decides to haunt.

The Main Event
WHAT?
It’s NBA All-Star time, and this year's star-studded exhibition is already breaking records. It'll be the first time any country other than the good old US of A has hosted the event, and the NBA is having a little fun with the country vs. country rivalry…

WHAT ELSE?
Tonight’s celebrity game pits Team USA, lead by Jason Sudeikis, O’Shea Jackson Jr., and coach Kevin Hart, against their unruly brothers from the North, Team Canada, who’s stars include the hunky real estate and contracting dream team, twins Drew and Jonathan Scott, and coach Drake. We hate to say it, but we have to give Team Canada the edge here. After all, they have the most resourceful(?) duo on TV, and Drake, who only manages the best he's ever had.

Saturday features the All-Star events we actually give a shit about: the Three-Point and Slam Dunk contests. Last year, Steph Curry, the guy with un-be-lievable range, took home the Three-Point championship, and is back to defend his throne. Returning Slam Dunk champ Zach LaVine will be looking to one-up his own Space Jam dunk.

THOUGHTS?
The actual All-Star Game is like an NBA/Harlem Globetrotters hybrid, but worse than both individually. There’s a lot of offense, absolutely no defense, and it's in desperate need of a white guy getting pantsed. So, much like the NFL's Pro Bowl, you can probably skip it. We'll let you know if anything noteworthy happens (nothing will).

Good Sport
KOBE'S FAREWELL TOUR
Unless he pulls an MJ, this will be Kobe Bryant’s last All-Star game. We first saw him at the game when he was just 19 years old, where he was the youngest starter in NBA All-Star game history. 18 All-Star appearances later, Kobe's still getting it done. Sure, he’s older, slower, and is more of an asshole to his teammates than he's ever been, but this man has reshaped an entire sport in a way that very few ever will. Whether you’ve been a Kobe lover or hater, there comes a time when a hat, even those silly Canadian ones, needs to be tipped in honor of an all-time great. So this weekend, watch the legend go up against the soft All-Star defense we’ve come to expect, and maybe, if you squint your eyes, he’ll remind you of Kobe in his prime.

Bad Sport
MACGRUBER CLOCKS
We're still experiencing fallout from Wednesday night’s horrible call during the Boise State/Colorado State men's basketball game. With just .8 seconds left in overtime, Boise State forward James Webb received an inbounds pass and nailed an awesome, game-winning three-pointer (Slowmo? Yes please!). While verifying the shot, the refs said, “the game clock was not started upon touch [of the ball].” After they moved the start of the clock to the exact moment he touched the ball, they saw that the shot took place after the .8 seconds left in overtime. The only problem was, the replay and timer they were using to verify the shot were set to different speeds, making his shot look like it took twice as long as it did. The refs, and their MacGruber-made clock, said the shot took 1.3 seconds, but in reality, the shot only took .57 seconds. The refs disallowed the basket, the game went to double overtime, and Boise State lost. Nice work, refs. Also, what’s up with that double-dickhead Satan mascot, CSU?

G.O.A.T. of the Week (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Jamey Schilling. The Marquette student (class of 2018) is a man of his word. As Providence guard Kris Dunn stepped up to the free throw line, Schilling yelled, "I will literally give you $10 if you miss this shot." Dunn missed the shot (no word if he missed on purpose to pocket $10) and Schilling wrote a check to Providence Athletics.

Goat of the Week (What's a Goat?)
Josh Morgan. The former NFL wide receiver shot himself in the leg while cleaning his gun at home. At least when Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg, he was smart enough to do it outside of his home. Blood's a tough thing to get out of alpaca carpet. Morgan is being charged with a misdemeanor for reckless use of a firearm.

Quote of the Week
"That boy a bitch!" - Frank Clark

The Seattle Seahawks rookie defensive end provided his own commentary while watching Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton not go for a fumble in Super Bowl 50. Sounds like Clark is still a little upset Cam shredded his defense and knocked them out of the playoffs.

Good Old Caption Winner
"One in the pink, one in the stink."

Thanks for getting weird with it, Frank Bradford. Your pint glass and koozies are on the way, and please keep your hands to yourself.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
Don't know what the hell to watch now that football season's over? We got your back.
COACH'S NOTE
We're taking off Monday because it's Presidents' Day, and we're Americans, dammit! We'll be back on Tuesday with a recap of the long weekend.
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