Pool Noodle, Grass Eater, & A Friendly Concussion.
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Monday, September 26, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend
  • RIP. Golf legend Arnold Palmer passed away yesterday at the age of 87. We'll of course remember for his seven major championships, but also for this hilarious ESPN commercial.
  • Kevin Garnett. We mentioned it last week, but now it's official: the Minnesota Timberwolves star has decided to retire. Kudos to the Timberwolves organization for realizing in Garnett's prime that they were too awful to help him win a championship, and trading him to greener pastures (Celtics, where he won a ring).
  • The Butterfly. While in the Jacksonville Jaguars pool, this gentleman must have been experiencing what Steve-O calls, "The Butterfly," and was caught adjusting his berries on live TV.
  • A Little Less Les. Les Miles has been fired as head coach of the LSU Tigers. His 12-year tenure culminated in 114 wins, 34 losses, and approximately 148 blades of grass eaten.
  • Teammate Hate. After Washington Capitals defender Patrick Sieloff crashed into oft-concussed teammate Clarke MacArthur in practice, a fight broke out. Apparently, some people don't understand how crucial it is to practice delivering concussion-inducing blows.
  • Teammate Love. Eduardo Núñez saved SF Giants catcher Buster Posey's butt, because good teammates don't do what Sieloff does.

The Main Event
Los Angeles said goodbye to the Dodgers' longtime (67 years) play-by-play announcer.

No, he didn't die or anything. Yesterday was his last home game. Scully was honored throughout a tear-filled weekend by the team and celebrities, including Kevin Costner, whose hideous soul patch made us wish he was also old and retiring.

Starting with the team back in its Brooklyn Dodgers days, Scully took over for broadcaster Red Barber after he got into a salary dispute with The Gillette Company (razors), and never looked back, moving with the team to Los Angeles for the 1958 season. Although the Dodgers haven't been to the World Series since 1988, Scully witnessed them win their six World Series titles, and he must have shared his Austin Powers' mojo with the current squad, because yesterday the Dodgers clinched the NL West for the fourth year in a row, this time in dramatic fashion.

Don't be bummed if you missed the celebration, Scully's real last game is Sunday Oct. 2 against the SF Giants. Make sure to tune-in (and bring a box of tissues).

Good Sport
Bob Saget Commentary, Please.
The Baylor Line may have failed, but props to the school for coming up with a school tradition that allows us to laugh at their America's Funniest Home Videos-style failure.

Bad Sport
Jose Fernandez, the Miami Marlins pitcher, passed away early Sunday morning after the boat he was on crashed into a jetty. He and two others, who also lost their lives, were out fishing. No drugs or alcohol is expected to have been involved in this tragedy. The Marlins cancelled yesterday's scheduled game with the Atlanta Braves to honor and morn Fernandez, who was considered one of the best pitchers in the league.

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Daniel Carlson. The Auburn kicker, who drilled a kickoff into this girls face, scored the only points for his Tigers (six field goals) on their way to beating the... well, Tigers (from LSU) 18-13. It also helps when the refs take away your opponent's game-winning touchdown, but that's a tale for another day.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Rashaan Gaulden. The Tennessee defender took flopping to a FIFA level with this ridiculous fall. Get that "man" some shin guards and a one way plane ticket to Italy.

Quote of the Weekend
"And I'm like, dude, I know what a knockout is. I knock people out. That's what I do for a living. I know what a knockout is." - Roy Nelson

The lumberjack-looking UFC fighter was not too pleased with the match's referee's delay in ending the match against Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva, so he kicked and flipped him off.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NFL. Monday Night Football. Falcons at Saints - 8:15pm on ESPN
SOCCER. Burnley vs. Watford - 2:55pm on NBCSN
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