Wicked Skid, London Calling, & The Best Worst Guy.
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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Comeback Cavaliers. The #11 Virginia men's basketball squad put up 18 points in just 80 seconds, including a buzzer-beating three-pointer, to complete a 72-71 come-from-behind victory against Wake Forest. How the hell did Wake Forest blow this one in such epic fashion? It's tough to say, but our best guess is micro-aliens stole their talent via nasal cavity à la Space Jam.
  • Batter Up. After an initial report suggested MLB's National League could get designated hitters by 2017, baseball commission Rob Manfred backtracked, saying there wouldn't be a DH in the NL for the "foreseeable future." Lucky us! This means we still get to watch pitcher Bartolo Colón literally swing himself out of his helmet every time he bats.
  • What About Us? With the Rams heading to LA and no longer in need of St. Louis taxpayer dollars for a new stadium, the Blues of the NHL are holding out their tin cup for stadium renovation money. Good luck getting a city that wouldn't fund a stadium for the Rams, who hadn't won a title since 1999, to pay for stadium upgrades for a Blues team that hasn't won a title ever.
  • Wicked Skid. A (not surprisingly) stubborn Boston sports fan says he doesn't regret getting a New England Patriots "Super Bowl 50 Champs" tattoo on his leg, which was finished just days before the Pats lost to the Denver Broncos in the AFC Championship game. What are you, retahdid?
  • Fashion Statement. Speaking of Denver, the Broncos (designated home team for Super Bowl 50) have decided to wear their white, road uniforms for the big game. The Broncos are 0-4 in the Super Bowl when wearing those hideous orange ensembles, including that laugher against the Seahawks two years ago.
  • London Calling. Not to be outdone by the NFL on an international level, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred has pledged to bring regular season games to London by 2017. Hopefully baseball is as confusing for the Brits as cricket is for us.
  • Filthy. Kevin Durant is a bad man. The Oklahoma City forward dropped 44 points on the New York Knicks in the Thunder's 128-122, overtime win.

The Main Event
The United States will potentially be awarded the 2022 FIFA World Cup if dirtbag FIFA officials are found guilty of accepting bribes from Qatar.

Qatar was awarded the 2022 World Cup in 2010, beating out the United States by six votes (out of 22 total). However, several voting members of the FIFA executive committee were indicted in the 2015 FIFA corruption scandal, and are suspected to have taken brides in exchange for pushing votes to Qatar as host country for the 2022 World Cup. Jerome Champagne, whose name sounds more like an R&B singer's than that of a FIFA presidential candidate, believes hosting rights should go to the United States if corruption is conclusively linked to Qatar's bid win. American federal prosecutors and Switzerland's attorney general are conducting an on-going investigation to uncover the full details of the scandal.

Let's pull the plug on Qatar before a thousand more migrant workers die, shall we?

Good Sport
Whether or not you like the Carolina Panthers, you definitely want to work for them... at least for the next two weeks, anyway. Owner Jerry Richardson is paying for his entire staff to attend Super Bowl 50, including interns. A generous offer to say the least, considering it costs $7,300+ to go to the Super Bowl. And this is coming from a grumpy burger billionaire (Hardee's) who forced his own sons out of business. Yay for shitty people pulling off positive PR stunts!

Bad Sport
Blake "Iron Fist" Griffin of the Los Angeles Clippers embraced his inner ginger boxer when he broke his hand in a fight with a member of the Clippers' equipment staff. Griffin, who has already been out for over a month with a quadriceps injury, is expected to miss several more weeks. Not that the Clippers are too concerned, as they've gone 12-3 without him this year. Take all the time you need, Blake.

University of Missouri quarterback Pablo Escobar Maty Mauk is all about the yay. Mauk, who definitely looks like a guy who would do cocaine, has been suspended indefinitely from the Mizzou football team for doing cocaine. A video surfaced showing the QB snorting a line off a table, before letting out a spirited "I'm high" roar. Even more questionable than Mauk's decision to do coke in the first place, is he chose to have it recorded. Yo bro, can you film me doing this line? Coach is going to love it!

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Holy hell, there's been a lot of shitheads in sports the last 24 hours. Anaheim Ducks centerman Shawn Horcoff joined the party by getting suspended 20 games for violating the NHL's Performance Enhancing Substances Program. See you in March, dude!

Never Forget
The time Maria Sharapova completely emasculated Floyd Mayweather. Never forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA. Rockets at Spurs - 8pm on ESPN; Mavericks at Warriors - 10:30pm on ESPN
NHL. Flyers at Capitals - 8pm on NBC Sports; Avalanche at Kings - 10:30pm on NBC Sports
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. St. John's at Seton Hall - 7pm on Fox Sports 1
GOLF. Singapore Open, First-Round Play - 8pm on Golf Channel; Qatar Masters, Second-Round Play - 11:30pm on Golf Channel
TENNIS. Australian Open: Women's Semifinals - 9:30pm on ESPN2
JIMMY KIMMEL. Retired basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal stops by Jimmy Kimmel Live! to talk about how he was illegally paid "very well" by LSU during his time in college basketball - 11:35pm on ABC
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