Deserted Island, You Can Ball, & I'm So Excited.
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Thursday, December 1, 2016

Quick Hits
Revis Island. The one island that can't blame its current horrible state on global warming is no more. Darrelle Revis, the New York Jets cornerback who at one point was so good he was nicknamed "Revis Island," knows he now sucks and wants to retire. We'll always remember you for the time you sat out from playing football with three years left on your contract.
Cyclops. After scratching and tearing the retina in his right eye a month ago, Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer will miss his team's game tonight after undergoing emergency eye surgery yesterday to prevent him from becoming an ugly one-eyed monster.
You Can Play In The NBA. Want to know how we know? Because a world champion "plays" defense like this. His reasoning for the flub was even better.

The Main Event
Slap-ass, because baseball has been saved!

Only three hours before the 12:01pm ET deadline, MLB owners and players union reached a 5-year agreement to make sure baseball's in the stadiums, and fans are there drunk without a shirt (hey, good lookin').

While all the agreement details haven't been released (probably because everyone involved is sleeping after staying awake for over 24-hours to get this deal figured out), the biggest change from the previous agreement is probably to the luxury tax, which is way more complicated than Monopoly's luxury tax. The system, meant to penalize teams with exorbitantly high payrolls (looking at you Dodgers), will increase from $185 million to $195 million, before jumping somewhere between $210-215 million over the five-year deal. The penalty for teams who go over the threshold is also expected to rise from a 50% penalty to a 60-70% penalty.

By agreeing to this deal, baseball has proven that, along with football, they're the true game of gentleman, as neither sport has missed a regular season game due to labor talks in over 26 years. Basketball and hockey, on the other hard, are for savages.

Good Sport
Nice Work
After the Brazilian soccer team Chapecoense's flight crashed earlier this week, there's been an incredible amount of support from everyone in the soccer and sports community (like the cartoon pictured below). Although the game Chapecoense was supposed to play tonight didn't take place, more than 100,000 fans showed up to the stadium to show their support, while Fox Sports Brazil, who would have been broadcasting the game, aired 90 minutes of silence. Elsewhere, Brazilian teams offered to loan players to Chapecoense for free and are petitioning to prevent the league from relegating the team for three years.

Bad Sport
Do It Or Don't
UFC fighter, and world's most confident person, Conor McGregor got his California boxer's license, which is something a UFC fighter doesn't need, unless... he's going to box. Apparently people (mostly McGregor) have been asking for McGregor to box Floyd Mayweather, who appears like he couldn't care less about the Irishman. One lesson we learned as a child we think is applicable here: shit or get off the pot. Either exchange fisticuffs, or stop teasing us.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS GIF of Andrew Shaw being a Grumpy Gus. This week's winner gets a Good Old Sport koozie which we'll swear at before sending your direction.

Send your captions to

Remember Your Picks
Get your Week 13 NFL picks in for our Good Old Sport Pick 'Em Challenge! Winner gets a koozie, or, and we're serious about this, reimbursement for a nipple piercing as long as you're willing to share the video of it going down. Your choice! Submissions must be entered by 8:20pm ET TODAY.

Our BOLD PREDICTION of the Week: Vikings over Cowboys.
Our LOCK of the Week: Patriots over Rams.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
GOLF. Alfred Dunhill Championship - 7:30am on GOLF; Hero World Challenge - 1:30pm on GOLF; Australian PGA Championship - 8pm on GOLF
NCAA HOCKEY. Michigan at Penn State - 6:30pm on ESPNU
NCAA BASKETBALL. Columbia at Seton Hall. - 7pm on FS1; Cincinnati at Iowa State - 9pm on ESPN; Oregon State at Mississippi State - 9pm on ESPNU
NBA. Clippers at Cavaliers - 8pm on TNT; Rockets at Warriors - 10:30pm on TNT
NFL. Cowboys at Vikings - 8:20pm on NBC
HS BASKETBALL. Hamilton Heights vs. Memphis East - 9pm on ESPN2
Link of the Day: Is magic...really magic?
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