Cha-Ching, Underpants Gnome, & Your Ass Is Grass.
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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
The 2016 Winter X Games are in the books. Record single-day crowds and heavy snowstorms set the scene for one of the more compelling, and memorable X Games events in recent years.

History was made, records were toppled, and barriers were broken thanks to a number of inspired performances. Estonian skier Kelly Sildaru became the youngest athlete ever to win an X Games Winter gold medal at age 13. The previous owner of the record, American Chloe Kim, would not be outdone, as she won the Women’s Snowboard SuperPipe, becoming the first athlete in X Games history to win two gold medals before age 16. The veterans flexed their muscles as well, with American snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis winning her 10th gold in Snowboarder X, extending her own record for most gold medals won by any woman in X Games history. American snowmobile racer Tucker Hibbert also marched his way into the record books, winning his ninth consecutive gold medal, making him the only athlete to win nine golds in a row, and giving him the most total medals in a single discipline. American skier Gus Kenworthy, who made headlines last year when he came out as gay, took home silver medals in both the Slopestyle and SuperPipe events, and was the only athlete (skier or snowboarding) to compete in both events.

What the hell was with the license plate medals? Complete with a neck chain instead of a ribbon, they looked more fitting of Rick Ross or Ghostface Killah than an X Games athlete.

NFL Pick 'Em - Super Bowl 50
Remember to GET YOUR PICKS IN FOR SUPER BOWL 50! Winner gets a $25 gift card to and the honor of being preserved in frozen carbonite (in the pose of their choice) to become a monument to themselves and their incredible Pick 'Em season.

Good Old Sport's "Hard Maybe" Prediction: Defense stands tall on the big stage yet again, as the Denver Broncos upset the Carolina Panthers 20-17.

Madden NFL 16 Prediction: Carolina Panthers 24, Denver Broncos 20.

Good Sport
Argentinian soccer player Lionel Messi is good people. When an online photo showing a young Afghan boy wearing a Lionel Messi jersey made out of a plastic bag went viral, Messi and his social team launched the largest search for a person in Afghanistan since bin Laden. Luckily for the young boy, it didn't take 10 goddamn years for the search to end (looking at you, U.S.). Messi will reportedly meet the young fan, who says he "wants to be like Messi when [he] grows up. " (Aww)

Bad Sport
Welp, Joseph Randle was arrested again. Police were called when the former Dallas Cowboys running back showed up on the doorstep of his ex-girlfriend's house, where he's apparently not welcome, and refused to leave. The fuzz booked Randle on an outstanding warrant for speeding, and set his bail at $359. This is the most recent in a line of arrests for Randle. He was arrested for stealing underwear from a Dallas-area mall in 2014, and again for drug possession in 2015, with the former offense clearly revealing Randle's true identity as one of South Park's underpants-stealing gnomes.

What Has The Rio Olympic Committee F*cked Up Now? 
Behold, as we present another installment in our ongoing series chronicling the disastrous developments coming out of Rio, host of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games.

By now, it's well known the locations for sailing and other aquatic events at the Rio Olympics are incredibly polluted. Peter Sowrey, the former chief executive of World Sailing, wanted to move the location of these events to protect the well-being of the 1,600+ athletes competing in those waters. Makes sense, if you're a human being capable of rationale thought. But alas! Olympic officials, in their infinite wisdom, thought Sowrey's stance was "too aggressive," and fired him because he didn't think it was appropriate that athletes swim in human shit. Note to athletes: Bring a nose plug.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NHL. Panthers at Capitals - 7:30pm on NBC Sports
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. Kentucky at Tennessee - 7pm on ESPN; Georgetown at Butler - 7pm on Fox Sports 1; Indiana at Michigan - 9pm on ESPN; West Virginia at Iowa State - 9pm on ESPN2; Providence at DePaul - 9pm on Fox Sports 1; Colorado State at San Diego State - 11pm on ESPN2
CONAN. The meatiest of meatheads, New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, stops by to spike a ball off Conan's giant head - 11pm on TBS
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