0-16?, Jim Harbaugh > Nobel Laureate, & Call of Duty Sucks.
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Thursday, October 27, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Who's Smarter? A Nobel Laureate physics professor, or the dude who makes millions to coach a football team? If we're going by pay, it's not even close. Escaped psych ward patient Jim Harbaugh makes $9 freakin' million a year as the head coach of the Michigan Wolverines. Alabama's Nick Saban is the second highest-paid college coach with $6.9 million annually, and so on.
  • Already? Former Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps' transformation from historic athlete to unabashed sellout is already complete. Check him out in the new Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare trailer, which looks like butt. (Don't worry, the trailer is set to "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses because F*CKIN' ROCK N' ROLL, BABY! EXPLOSIONS! BOOOOM, BLAMMMM! MARKETINGGGGG!!!)
  • Chief Wahoo: Dead Man Walking. Enjoy the World Series, Cleveland Indians, because MLB commissioner Rob Manfred is coming after your racist-ass logo this offseason.
  • Pants Down. The Cleveland Indians lost Game 2 of the World Series to the Chicago Cubs 5-1 last night, which we'd like to think has everything to do with this full-grown Indians fan going elementary school bare-ass in the men's room.

The Main Event
We're almost halfway through the NFL season, and the Cleveland Browns are the only winless team at 0-7. Will they run the table of misery and join the 2008 Detroit Lions as the only 0-16 teams in NFL history? Let's explore.

Optimists will say, "hey, chief, cut the Browns some slack, they lost some pretty close games this season." True*, but let's slap the fattest asterisk available on that. They did lose three games by less than seven points, but each of those were to absolute garbage squads (Ravens, Dolphins, Titans). The Ravens have lost four in a row and are terrible, the Dolphins have only snuck out a few wins because opposing defenses are just now reviewing tape on how to stop running back Jay Ajayi (plus the Fins have Ryan Tannehill, who is terrible), and the Titans are terrible because no further explanation is necessary.

Looking ahead, the Browns are underdogs for all nine of their remaining games (schedule of teams they'll be losing to). To be fair, they were pegged as underdogs for every single game before the start of the season. Not to mention they’re working on their sixth quarterback of the year. Time to give Johnny Football a call? Well, someone needs to run out of their own end-zone (à la Dan Orlovsky) to put a stamp on this soon-to-be 0-16 turd.

Is it time Browns fans to quit on their team? Yes. Their coach already has.

Good Sport
Beauty In The Beast
Last year, former Seattle Seahawks receiver Ricardo Lockette got hit harder than Brad Pitt hits his kids. His neck injury would prove career-ending, but a story came out this week detailing the actions of former teammate, Marshawn "Beast Mode" Lynch, during his recovery. Beast Mode cried for Lockette, stayed by his side in the hospital, and offered the family his unwavering support. Dammit, now we can't hate all things Seattle Seahawks. Russell Wilson, you're still an insufferable phony. There, that feels better.

Bad Sport
Knight Blows The Head And The Balls
Former Indiana basketball head coach Bob Knight is a notorious piece of shit (note this lengthy list of indiscretions). But of all the terrible things he's done, the incidents detailed by former Indiana basketball player Todd Jadlow in his freshly-released memoir (Jadlow: On the Rebound), are by far our favorite. Jadlow claims that Knight not only rained down blows on his skull during his time at Indiana, but also grabbed and squeezed his balls in a way that would only be enjoyable if it were done by Jennifer Aniston and you were into torture porn. Give Joe Paterno the finger for us when you get to hell, will ya, Bobby?

(Dis)Honorable Mention: The student who designed the 2018 FIFA World Cup mascot only received $500 for her trouble. "Thanks for the work, kid, now go f*ck yourself."

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS GIF! This week's winner gets a Good Old Sport koozie and absolutely no other form of praise because you're an adult and shouldn't need it.

Send you captions to coach@goodoldsport.com

Remember Your Picks
Get your WEEK 8 PICKS in for our Good Old Sport Pick 'Em Challenge! Winner gets a koozie and their name in tomorrow's edition. Submissions must be entered by 8:20pm ET TODAY.

Our BOLD PREDICTION of the Week: Buffalo over New England.
Our LOCK of the Week: Minnesota over Chicago.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA. Celtics at Bulls - 5pm on TNT; Clippers at Trail Blazers - 7:30pm on TNT
COLLEGE FOOTBALL. Virginia Tech(25) at Pittsburgh - 4pm on ESPN; California at Southern California - 7:30pm on ESPN
GOLF. PGA Tour: Sanderson Farms Championship, First-Round Play - 11:30am on Golf Channel; PGA Tour: WGC-HSBC Champions, Second-Round Play - 8pm on Golf Channel
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