Pokémon Stop, Russian Revival, & Cut-off Dress Shirts.
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Monday, July 25, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend

The Main Event
Ken Griffey Jr. and Mike Piazza, former MLBers and cover boys for our favorite N64 baseball games, Major League Baseball and Strike Zone, were inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame yesterday.

Over 50,000 people were on hand to watch Jr. and Piazza blubber all the way through their induction speeches, and we mean all the way. Piazza lost it just 30 seconds into his speech, while Griffey only lasted about 20 seconds. Their tearful addresses marked a historical moment for the Hall of Fame, as Griffey became the highest pick (No. 1), and Piazza the lowest (No. 1,390) to ever be inducted. Although their paths to the big leagues were much different, both of their careers were filled with incredible production. Griffey, know for his time with the Seattle Mariners, was a 13-time All-Star, a 10-time Gold Glove Award winner, and slapper of 630 career dingers (sixth all-time) during his 22-year career. Piazza spent the better part of his 16-year career with the Los Angeles Dodgers and New York Mets, earning 12 All-Star selections and 10 Silver Slugger Awards, while hitting 427 homers, 396 of which he hit as a catcher (most in MLB history). Now those are numbers to get emotional over.

As per usual, the white guy was thoroughly out-swagged. Jr. upstaged Piazza by rocking a suit with subtle "Hall of Fame Class of 2016" pinstripes, while dusting off his patented backward-hat look at the end of his speech, which he'd become so well-known for during his playing days.

Good Sport
Brickyard Tattoo Parlor
NASCAR driver Kyle Busch won the Brickyard 400 for the second year in a row, and set a record for most laps led. Unfortunately, near-record low attendance meant that few fans witnessed his feat, and those who were there looked like they just walked out of an amateur tattoo convention.

Bad Sport
Russian Revival
Unfortunately, the International Olympic Committee decided against banning all Russian athletes from the Rio Games, and will instead "leave the decision on competitors' eligibility up to their respective sporting federations." This decision was met with sweeping criticism, with United States Anti-Doping Agency CEO Travis Tygart calling the ruling "a significant blow to the rights of clean athletes." Considering a wide-spread, state-sponsored doping program isn't enough to get a country disqualified, we may need a nation to film themselves physically injecting every one of their athletes with steroids before we see an outright ban. Let's start handing out GoPros.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Ever since defeating Ronda Rousey in the biggest UFC upset ever, Holly Holm can't seem to remember how to fight. She lost her second-consecutive bout (for the first time in her career) on Saturday night, this time getting her ass whipped by Valentina "The Bullet" Shevchenko.

Somewhat Related: Unlike Holm, boxer Terence Crawford hasn't forgotten how to fight, as he destroyed Viktor Postol to win the World Boxing Council belt, adding to the World Boxing Organization title he already owns. Now he wants a piece of Manny Pacquiao.

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Chris Froome. The British cyclist won his third Tour de France title yesterday, beating second place finisher Romain Bardet (France) by more than four minutes with a time of 89 hours, six minutes, and 48 seconds. Win or loose, Froome just has to be happy a fan didn't throw a cup of urine in his face, unlike last year.

Honorable Mention: American hurdler Kendra Harrison broke the 100-meter hurdles world record over the weekend, which stood for 28 years, by posting a time of 12.20 seconds. Harrison won't be competing at the Olympics, however, because she finished sixth during the U.S. Olympic Trials. We'll see if the U.S.'s bold strategy of not sending their best athletes to compete in Rio pays off for them, Cotton.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Chris Sale. Much like a child, the Chicago White Sox pitcher should not be left with scissors unsupervised. The Sox suspended Sale five games without pay (equating to $250k in lost salary) for cutting up the team's throwback jerseys, which Sale reportedly destroyed because "the jersey collar was uncomfortable for him to pitch in." Much like bros who tear the sleeves off of t-shirts, we really hope Sale cuts the collars off all his dress shirts.

Quote of the Weekend
"I almost feel like putting a kangaroo in front of their building to make them feel at home.” - Eduardo Paes

The mayor of Rio de Janeiro went for low-hanging fruit when firing back at the Australian Olympic team, who called their quarters at the Athletes' Village "uninhabitable" due to plumbing and fire safety issues. Creative comeback, Eduardo, do you have a panda zinger up your sleeve for when the Chinese team throws shade?

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
MLB. Tigers at Red Sox - 7pm on ESPN
SOCCER. International Champions Cup: Manchester United vs. Manchester City - 7:30am on ESPN2
CFL FOOTBALL. Montreal Alouettes at Toronto Argonauts - 7:30pm on ESPN2
AMERICA NINJA WARRIOR. Indianapolis Finals - 11pm on NBC
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