House Of Cards, Broncos' Bling, & He Needs A Helmet.
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Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Stayin' Alive. While Golden State Warriors star Draymond Green downed brews at the Oakland A's game to ride out his suspension, his team's D turned into mush, allowing LeBron James and Kyrie Irving to both drop 41 points (NBA record) on the way to a 112-97 Cleveland Cavaliers' win. The Warriors hold a 3-2 lead as the series moves back to Cleveland on Thursday.
  • Perfect Fit. The San Francisco Giants are reportedly exploring a deal to acquire Milwaukee Brewers slugger, and steroid user, Ryan Braun. This would be an ideal landing spot for Braun, as San Francisco is home to the Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative (BALCO), made famous for being an MLB steroid supplier.
  • Easier On The Eyes. For the first time in franchise history, the Detroit Lions will have cheerleaders, finally giving fans something to watch during games besides the constant train wreck that is Detroit Lions football.
  • House Of Cards. Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin has offered OKC Thunder free agent Kevin Durant a cabinet position if he re-signs with the team. In other news, Bryce Harper will be named President of the United States if he ever threatens to leave the Washington Nationals.
  • T-Rex Race. Watch this dude in a T-Rex costume take a bite out of the American Ninja Warrior obstacle course for a quick pick-me-up to start your day.

The Main Event
We're in the midst of the Queen's Club Championships (currently known as the Aegon Championships), an annual English tennis tournament that's one of the oldest (est. 1886) and most prestigious grass-court tennis events in the world.

The tournament was supposed to start yesterday, but typical dreary Brit weather delayed the majority of the matches. The rain will likely do little to deter Britain's own Andy Murray, who's the top-overall seed, and winner of four of the last seven Queen's Club men's singles titles (including last year's). Swiss player Stan Wawrinka, the second seed and No. 5 player in the world, figures to give Murray his toughest challenge. You can check out the rest of the participants in the draw here.

Historically, the Queen's Club Championships have been a battle between The States, England, and Australia, who've won 33, 30, and 26 men's singles titles, respectively. That's right, the U.S. has an edge over King George's goonies on their own home soil. We may not have had a singles champ since 2010 (Sam Querrey), but like most Americans, we have no problem holding onto past triumphs and shouting "scoreboard!" while the present world passes us by.

Speaking of unabashed patriotism, American Steve Johnson was the first player to advance to the second round. Is that because his match was one of the few that wasn't washed out yesterday? Probably, but it's still one step closer toward an American protecting us from having to witness Murray's "Big Book Of British Smiles" grin on the winner's podium.

Good Sport
Broncos' Bling
The Denver Broncos received their championship rings to celebrate their victory in Super Bowl 50, and they're massive. Like, Beyoncé engagement ring-style big. The Broncos' behemoth boasts 212 diamonds, totaling 5.05 karats. Our favorite feature, however, is specific to the ring of defensive coordinator Wade Phillips, who tweeted his bling had the "wrong name" on it. Thankfully, the ring is large enough that Wade could send someone straight to the moon with the lightest of backhanded slaps should they give him lip about it.
Honorable Mention: Fletcher Cox of the Philadelphia Eagles officially has more money than Scrooge McDuck. The Defensive tackle signed a six-year, $103 million extension with the Eagles that includes $63 million in guaranteed money, which is the largest amount of guaranteed money ever for an NFL player who's not a quarterback.

Bad Sport
Hands & Balls
Let's discuss two terrible things that happened in the 2016 Euros that involved hands and balls. First, Brazil was screwed out of the tournament thanks to a painfully-obvious missed handball call against Peru on the game's only scoring play, which secured a 1-0 win for Peru. Second, German national coach Joachim Low blatantly stuck his hand down the front of his pants during a game and played pocket pool for a brief moment before sniffing his soiled fingers. This ball fondle was abhorrently egregious, while the missed handball was irresponsibly ignorant. We can't decide which one was more offensive, so we want you to tell us which hand/ball incident was the dirtier deed.

Select one of the two options below, and come back tomorrow to see where the rest of Good Old Sport nation landed on the issue.
You should never play with your balls in public. Period.
You should never miss calling a hand ball. Period.

Dipshit Fans Get Their Due
Six England fans have been sent to prison for Euro 2016 violence (1-3 month sentences), and the dude who threw a bottle at Philadelphia Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard was slapped with disorderly conduct. Thanks to cameras, the days of throwing a bottle or haymaker before blending back into a crowd consequence-free appear to be over. Technology is truly a Buzz Killington.

Never Forget
When Uruguay striker Luis Suárez's wave before last week's Copa América Centenario match against Mexico made us think he needed a helmet. Never forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
SOCCER. UEFA Euro 2016: Austria vs. Hungary - 11:30am on ESPN; UEFA Euro 2016: Portugal vs. Iceland - 2:30pm on ESPN; Copa America Centenario: Chile vs. Panama - 8pm on Fox Sports 1; Copa America Centenario: Argentina vs. Bolivia - 10pm on Fox Sports 1
WNBA. Indiana at Minnesota - 8pm on ESPN2
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