Thanks J.J. Abrams, Puig The Dentist, & Goodbye Harambe.
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Thursday, September 15, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
WHAT?
We want to be Cristiano Ronaldo.

WHAT ELSE?
Not only is Ronaldo handsome, nice, and honest, he's also having one hell of a year.

Just last night, the Real Madrid Forward drilled a beautiful free kick in the 89th minute to tie up a Champions League Group stage match against Sporting CP, then inspired his team to score only 5 minutes later in the 94th minute for the win. Although we're only three games into the season, Real Madrid is undefeated and sitting in first place in La Liga. "Must be nice," thinks all the Celta de Vigo fans (0-3, last place).

Also, a few months before, Ronaldo lead his fellow countrymen to Portugal's very first Euro Championship win, and won a Silver Boot in the process (not as cool as Michael Johnson's gold cleats). He's also the world's highest paid athlete ($88 million in 2016)... So can we pull a Hot Chick and swap places? Cool.

THOUGHTS?
If anyone knows Cristiano, tell him we'd like to introduce him to a witch friend we know.

Good Sport
2012 & 2016
Alex Zanardi, a former racecar driver who lost both his legs in a massive crash that tore off the front of his car, just repeated his 2012 London Paralympics performance and is now the two-time gold medal winner in hand-cycling.

Bad Sport
You're Pathetic
After losing on an incredible Hail Mary that never should have happened, Oklahoma State University's school newspaper wrote a passive aggressive article calling into question unranked Central Michigan University's integrity, and then pleaded for them to retroactively forfeit the game that State blew. Just because their Cowboys suck shit, overlooked their opponent, and lost a game they should have won, the nerds at the school paper (aka, the only people at State they could find who could write) think the team deserves a second chance. If it was up to us, we'd let all their opponents this year have five downs instead of four to get a first.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS GIF of a kid who will never be an athlete. NEVER!!! This week's winner gets a Good Old Sport koozie and no foam-to-head caused concussions.

Send your captions to coach@goodoldsport.com

Remember Your Picks
Get your Week 2 NFL picks in for our Good Old Sport Pick 'Em Challenge! Winner gets a koozie and their name in lights by way of black digital text in our newsletter. Submissions must be entered by 8:20pm ET TODAY.

Our BOLD PREDICTION of the Week: St. Louis Rams over Seattle. Just kidding. Tampa Bay Buccaneers over Arizona Cardinals.
Our LOCK of the Week: Green Back Packers over Minnesota Vikings.

What to Watch
NFL. New York Jets at Buffalo Bills - 8:25pm on CBS
COLLEGE FOOTBALL. Houston at Cincinnati - 7:30pm on ESPN; Arkansas (Pine Bluff) at Alcorn State - 7:30pm on ESPNU
GOLF. LPA Evian Championship - 9:30am on GOLF; Boise Open - 3pm on GOLF; U.S. Mid-Amateur - 3pm on FS1
SOCCER. Feyenoord vs. Manchester United - 1pm on FS1; Women's International Friendly Soccer: U.S. vs. Thailand - 7:55pm on ESPN2
PARALYMPICS. Rio 2016 - 2pm on NBCSN; Rio 2016 - 7pm on NBCSN
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