Sharing Is Not Caring, The Notorious Rolls, & Japanese Game Shows.
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Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Quick Hits
  • LA Chargers. Voting for Ballot Measure C, which would approve a hotel tax that would raise $1.15 billion for a new San Diego Chargers stadium, may already be tits-up. Although voting is still underway (as of this writing), early reports are the vote is likely to fail and that the Rams can expect a roommate in LA soon.
  • Major League Baseball Hates The Third World. Instead of shipping all the Cleveland Indians' World Series Champs gear to the Third World, as is customary for championship series/game losers, the MLB will destroy it all instead, because they want to "protect the team from inaccurate merchandise," even if that means taking the shirts off homeless kids' backs.
  • "You Can't Fire Me, I Quit!" Three-time Pro-Bowl safety Antrel Rolle has announced his retirement from the NFL, probably because no one wants him anymore. Rolle's last NFL gig was for the Chicago Bears in 2015.
  • Sharing Is Not Caring. Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is your crazy girlfriend who doesn't want you even looking at another woman. He and the Mavs revoked media credentials from two ESPN NBA reporters, allegedly because they started covering other teams. Whores!
  • Refs Wet The Bed Once Again. Thanks in part to a bullshit non-call that should have gone against the Seahawks, Seattle pulled off a narrow 31-25 win over the Buffalo Bills on Monday Night Football.

The Main Event
Booze-infused vomit still stains the streets of Chicago in the wake of the Cubs' insane championship parade, but alas, the 2017 season is already upon us!

MLB free agency officially began this morning at 12:01am ET, with 139 free agents hitting the market. This year's crop is widely-viewed as trash, but you can bet your ass that won't stop teams from throwing an irresponsible amount of money at these rubes. Yoenis Cespedes (pictured), who opted out of his contract with the New York Mets, figures to garner the largest payday, with some expecting Cespedes to sucker some team into giving him a $150 million contract. Just think of all the ridiculous three-wheeled cars and custom Lamborghinis that could buy! Here's a look at the top free agents that figure to cash-in this offseason:

1.) Yoenis Cespedes (New York Mets)
2.) Justin Turner (Los Angeles Dodgers)
3.) Edwin Encarnacion (Toronto Blue Jays)
4.) Dexter Fowler (Chicago Cubs)
5.) Ian Desmond (Texas Rangers)

Check out the full, team-by-team list of free agents here.

Let Jason Heyward's ridiculously large contract and piss performance this past season be a lesson to the rest of you big-spending free agency teams.

NFL Pick 'Em
If it wasn't for the goddamn Vikings, James Gladstone would've gone undefeated this week. May Mike Zimmer be given an early death by Viking Funeral for what he did to James.

The best of the rest include:

1. James Gladstone (12-1; 31*)
2. Jeff Osborn (10-3; 49*)
3. Durran Moore (10-3; 45*)
T-4. Manuel Herrera (10-3; 38*)
T-4. Jesse Knaack (10-3; 38*)

*Total points estimate for Monday Night Football. Actual: 56

GET YOUR WEEK 10 PICKS IN NOW or regret it for the rest of your life. Winner gets a Good Old Sport Koozie. Submission deadline is Thursday, 11/10 at 8:20pm ET.

Good Sport
McGregor Is Rollin'
It's good to be UFC star Conor McGregor, as is evident by this ridiculous, custom-made Rolls-Royce Ghost that's being lent to him in the run-up to UFC 205 this Saturday, where McGregor will face Eddie Alvarez. We'll cover more on UFC 205 later this week, but until then, get a load:
Honorable Mention: Dreams do come true. Watch this LA Lakers fan nail a half-court shot to win $35k. After taxes, that's enough money to buy one TV screen seen above in McGregor's ride.

Bad Sport
Jones Is Not
Speaking of MMA stars who won't be given a $350k luxury sedan with their face on it; Jon Jones, UFC's interim light heavyweight champion, has been suspended one year for using a banned substance. What was the substance, you ask? "Contaminated" boner pills. Jones claimed he took tainted sexual-performance pills, which triggered the positive test. In any case, Jones and his soft penis will have to stay at home while he serves his suspension.

Never Forget
That Japanese game shows are the best game shows. Never forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
COLLEGE FOOTBALL. Western Michigan at Kent State - 4:30pm on ESPN2
UFC. UFC 202: Diaz vs. McGregor 2: From Las Vegas - 4:30pm on Fox Sports 1 (re-air)
WWE. SmackDown - 8pm on USA
Link of the Day: If you haven't voted yet don't bother, this psychic goat has already pegged Hillary as the winner.
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