Douchebag Hall of Fame, Sandal Spankings, & Superlatives.
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Friday, January 8, 2016
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Friday Fun

The Main Event
Because of some bullshit NCAA technicality, #2 Alabama was scheduled to have unlimited practice time to prepare for the CFP National Championship, while #1 Clemson would have been limited to 20 hours or less. Realizing how dumb their ultra-dumb rules are, the NCAA has taken steps to rectify their malfeasance.

By rule, college football teams are limited to 20 hours of practice per week while school is in session. Clemson's spring semester began this past Wednesday, which qualified them for the 20-hour restriction. Alabama's spring semester doesn't begin until January 13, allowing them to enjoy unlimited practice time leading up to the big game. Thankfully, the NCAA granted a waiver that will allow Clemson to bypass the ridiculous rule.

You might be thinking, "do teams really need more than 20 hours of practice in one week?" After all, as Allen Iverson once said, it's just "practice." Well, the Oregon Ducks probably think it's a big deal. They were subjected to the 20-hour rule prior to last year's National Championship, while their opponent (Ohio State) wasn't, and the Ducks ended up getting their asses kicked 42-20.

It's surprising to see the traditionally stubborn and nonsensical NCAA bend the rules to do the right thing, but we're happy they've provided an even playing field for what should be an exciting game, and more importantly, no excuses for whoever loses. Admittedly, we may be rooting for Alabama just for the opportunity to see another painfully-awkward victory dance by head coach Nick Saban.

Good Sport
The finalists for the Pro Football Hall of Fame (Class of 2016) have been announced by the NFL. A total of 15 former superstars were selected, including quarterback Brett Favre and wide receiver Terrell Owens. No matter who's selected to be enshrined next August, Favre and Owens can take comfort in knowing they've already made the Dick Pic and Douchebag Halls of Fame, respectively.

Bad Sport
Ty Lawson of the Houston Rockets loves drinking and driving. He loves it so much he's been arrested for drunk driving twice in the last year, resulting in a pair of suspensions by the NBA. Last night, Lawson began serving his latest suspension, a three-gamer for his most recent arrest last July, which will cost him $338,000 in lost wages. All told, Lawson has forfeited $563,000 due to his DUI arrests. Who wants to be the one to finally share their Uber referral code with this guy?

G.O.A.T. of the Week (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Jack Sock. The American tennis player displayed unparalleled sportsmanship at the Hopman Cup in Australia. After his opponent (Lleyton Hewitt) hit a shot that was ruled out of bounds, Sock told Hewitt his shot was actually inbounds, and he should challenge it. Hewitt did, and the call was reversed. Admirable honesty, but Sock definitely seems like he was the goodie two-shoes in school who would remind a teacher to collect the homework right before class let out. Shut up! Sock lost the match in two sets.

Goat of the Week (What's a Goat?)
Jelena Ostapenko. The Latvian tennis player threw her racket in a fit of rage at the ASB Classic, which ended up hitting a ball boy, in a scene that reminded us of Happy Gilmore's flagstick throw.

(Dis)Honarable Mention: Peter Nowak, a former MLS coach, who was just revealed to have called rookie players "pussies," in addition to spanking them with sandals. Nowak may have just earned our very first Dom of the Week nod.

Quote of the Week
"I don't want my daughter playing basketball and becoming a lesbian." - Andre Iguodala

The Golden State Warriors star had no qualms taking a clear shot at the WNBA.

Good Old Caption Winner
"Better plot than Ted 2" - Brendan Moore of New York, NY.

More of a movie review than a caption, but we agree Ted 2 sucked shit, so Brendan's our Good Old Caption Winner! Your GOS pint glass should arrive soon! You'll have to keep drinking beer, or wine, out of a can until then.

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