If you're not a soccer fan, you're about to be shit out of sports to watch. Why? Hockey's done, basketball's almost over, football and the Olympics are a ways off, and baseball has too many games (162) to give a damn about any particular one. Luckily, we have a hilarious alternative to bridge the gap: the Arena Football League.
The AFL is perfect for sports fans with ADHD, because the smaller fields (half an NFL field
) make for faster play and higher scores (70+ points isn't uncommon). Plus, there are only eight teams
to keep track of and they all make the playoffs. Hows that for keeping your attention?! Not to mention, the league takes everything PC douchebags hate about the NFL (cheerleaders in skimpy outfits
) and extrapolates it (locking girls in cages suspended from arena rafters and forcing them to dance all game
). Is it horrifyingly inappropriate? Yes. Admittedly entertaining? You bet. Make sure you check out a game fast though, because the whole league could go bankrupt at any moment. Four franchises folded since just last season, including the defending ArenaBowl champion San Jose SaberCats (awful name). Worst case, there's always the copy-cat Indoor Football League
to fall back on.
Like a bad movie, Arena football is pretty great if you watch it ironically. Just make sure you pregame by drinking tall boys out of brown paper bags in the parking lot like we do