'Murica, Zephyrus The Wind God, & Men Wearing Dresses.
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Friday, April 8, 2016

Friday Fun

The Main Event
Boxer Manny Pacquiao will fight Timothy Bradley Jr. at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas tomorrow night, in what will likely be the last fight of Pacquiao's storied career.

We last left Pacquiao in May 2015, when he lost to Floyd Mayweather in a bout that was incorrectly billed as "The Fight of the Century." Not wanting to go out on bottom, Pacquiao lined up a fight with Bradley Jr., whom he's faced twice before. Although the two technically split their previous encounters, many believe Pacquiao clearly won both fights, with controversial scoring cited as the reason for Bradley Jr.'s victory in their first meeting. Pacquiao is a slight favorite in the rubber match, though he's been battling a shoulder injury, is five years older than Bradley Jr., and hasn't fought in nearly a year. It'd be a sad ending to a great career if Pacquiao loses to Bradley Jr., although Manny's $20 million guaranteed payout for the fight would certainly cushion his fall.

We have a feeling the LGBT community might be pulling for Bradley Jr. over Pacquiao this weekend. This is Pacquiao's first fight since he created a shit storm by calling gay people "worse than animals." Just the kind of political correctness we've come to expect from the Filipino boxer, congressman, and senate candidate.

Good Sport
Kicking Ass And Taking Names
The United States Women's soccer team keeps on kicking ass and taking names. The latest name was Colombia, who the U.S. destroyed 7-0 in a women's international friendly match that was anything but friendly for the Colombians. Quick reminder, the U.S. men's garbage soccer team won't be at the Olympics this year because they couldn't do what the women's team just did, beat Colombia.

Bad Sport
This Is Pathetic
Even you, Good Old Sport reader, could have had a better start to the 2016 Masters Golf Tournament than Ernie Els did. He set a Masters record by hitting a sextuple bogey on the first hole (10 shots on a par 4). His effort was eerily reminiscent of Happy Gilmore's when Gilmore also putted the ball past the hole a half dozen times. Unfortunately, Els didn't take out his frustrations like Happy by punching out a fan.

Somewhat Related: Known dickbag Bubba Watson has major beef with Zephyrus, god of wind. Watson missed a two-foot putt when a breeze pushed his ball away from the hole, leaving Watson looking as confused and flustered as a two-year-old who just had their lollipop taken away. It was awesome.

G.O.A.T. of the Week (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Tim Duncan & Russell Westbrook. San Antonio Spurs forward Tim Duncan became just the third player in NBA history to win 1,000 games, while OKC Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook recorded his 17th triple-double, the most in a season since Magic Johnson pulled it off in '89. Perhaps there's room in sports media to talk about a basketball player besides Steph Curry after all? Nah, probably not.

Honorable Mention: NBA reporters wore their most colorful outfits this week to support Craig Sager, the wild suit-wearing NBA sideline reporter who's dying of leukemia. Mad respect for a dope man.

Goat of the Week (What's a Goat?)
Bob Hewitt. The retired South African tennis star was booted from the International Tennis Hall of Fame after he was found guilty of raping a pair of underage girls. It looks like sprinter and convicted murderer Oscar Pistorius has some competition for South African Athlete of the Decade.

Quote of the Week
"I guess we'll come out wearing dresses tomorrow." - John Gibbons

The Toronto Blue Jays manager was pissed because the Jays lost a game as a direct result of the new slide rule, which prohibits slides that target the fielder instead of the base itself. Give it a rest, Gibbons. Although we love baseball, it wasn't exactly the world's toughest sport before the slide rule to begin with.

Good Old Caption Winner
"The powder of Curry compels you!"

Tyler Boone with a reference to the scariest movie of all time (The Exorcist) and the scariest food of all time (when it comes to the toilet trip after consumption). Your Good Old Sport t-shirt is on the way!

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
What the hell am I supposed to do this weekend? Don't worry, we got you.
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