The Los Angeles Rams' offense is so bad that they're handing the keys to their No. 1 overall pick from this year's draft, quarterback Jared Goff.
Finally catching up with the rest of us, Rams head coach Jeff Fisher realized that quarterback Case Keenum is putrid and unwatchable. While the Rams' defense has been doing everything it can to keep the team afloat (seventh in total defense
), Keenum has redefined failure while leading the offense, which is dead last in the league in points per game (15.4) and first downs per game (17.4).
Enter Goff, who sucked shit in the preseason
and started the year as the team's third quarterback. For his first test, he and his Donald Trump-sized hands
will be tasked with taking down the Miami Dolphins, winners of four-straight games. The good news for Rams fans is that Goff has reportedly "made significant progress" in practice
during the regular season. The bad news is that he's gotta get it done in a real game with offensive "weapons" like Kenny Britt, Tavon Austin, and Todd Gurley, who sucks now
. The ugly news is that no matter how good Goff plays (he won't), fellow 2016 draft selection Dak Prescott
will still be around to outshine him.
Good Old Sport prediction:
Goff is out of the league in four years - moves to Burbank to work as a boom-mic operator for low-budget pornos.
And another thing, what the hell is with Goff's peanut butter mouth? Seriously, get a load of this shit
. It sounds like he's a multiple stroke victim who's well on his way toward Lou Holtz status
. Pray for Goff's teammates, who'll have to decipher the gooberish nonsense he'll flap at them in the huddle this weekend into a coherent football play.