Voodoo Spell, Parallel Universe, & Blades Of Glory
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Thursday, March 31, 2016

Quick Hits
  • We Meet Again. MMA fighters Conor McGregor and Nate Diaz will square off in a rematch at UFC 200 on July 9th, just four months after Diaz beat McGregor in the biggest UFC match of 2016 to date. As was the case with their first matchup, the shit-talking has begun early, with Diaz calling McGregor a "little ass Irish man," while Diaz's boxing coach accused McGregor of using PEDs. Your move, little ass Irish man.
  • March Madness Mess. The only thing worse than having an awful March Madness bracket is having an awesome one... if you're James Kiki. He's currently co-leading Yahoo!'s $50K Best Bracket Challenge, which had over three million entries, but he forgot to pick a winner, giving him no shot to win the $50k. When asked about the flub, Kiki said, "I don't even want to think about it." Let's have that suicide hotline number ready.
  • Voodoo Spell. The New Orleans Pelicans are such a dogshit basketball team (27-47) that otherworldly spirits must be responsible for their incompetence, according to a local voodoo priest, who claims the team is "jinxed" with "negative energy." As if a talentless team wasn't enough, now they have to deal with a black magic curse too?
  • Backup Bucks. Phil Mickelson is one of the early favorites to win the Shell Houston Open, the next stop on the 2016 PGA Tour, which starts today and runs through Sunday. With news connecting Mickelson to a money laundering case, perhaps it's best if Phil wins the $1,224,000 top prize in case shit hits the fan.
  • Joseph Smith. The Golden State Warriors were garbage last night until they weren't. After falling behind, the Warriors came back against the not-very-good Utah Jazz (37-38) to force overtime, eventually winning 103-96 to keep the Warriors' hopes for a record 73-win season alive. Don't worry, Utah, you still have Mormonism. Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb.

The Main Event
WHAT?
We're in the midst of the 2016 World Figure Skating Championships, which run from March 28th through April 3rd. It's like Dancing With The Stars on ice, but unlike your favorite sports celebs on this season of DWTS, these athletes aren't popping boners (Antonio Brown) or farting (Von Miller) while competing with their partners... we think.

WHAT ELSE?
The United States is hosting the World Championships for the first time since 2009 (LA), as Boston welcomes top skaters representing 38 countries from around the world, who will compete in men’s singles, ladies’ singles, pairs, and ice dancing. The U.S. will look to get back on track, having not produced a champion in any World Championship discipline since 2013 (Ice Dancing, Meryl Davis/Charlie White). Two of the more familiar faces for the States are Gracie Gold and Ashley Wagner, both of whom won bronze medals at the 2014 Sochi games and have several U.S. Championships to their names. If you recall, Wagner's pissy "WTF?" face (pictured above) went viral after the judges announced, what she believed to be, disappointing scores at the 2014 Olympic games. We may see that face again, as Russia and Japan are favored to bring home the bacon at this year's World Championships.

THOUGHTS?
We're not gonna lie, it's always hard for us to watch ice skating knowing we won't see any Scott Hamilton backflips, so we'll just have to settle for the absurd costumes instead.

Good Sport
Bitch, I'm In The Hall Of Fame
Yao Ming, father of the famous "bitch please" meme face, will reportedly be elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame. Yao, who began his career with the Shanghai Sharks, was an eight-time NBA All Star for the Houston Rockets, who selected him with the No. 1 overall pick in the 2002 draft. Considered to be the NBA's first Chinese star, Yao helped pave the way for other Asian NBA players like Jeremy Lin, and... well, Jeremy Lin. A formal announcement is expected at the NCAA's Final Four this weekend, where the rest of the 2016 Hall of Fame class will also be revealed.

Bad Sport
Snapchat Snafu
Iggy Azalea (rapper, pop star, whatever) is at the center of some major beef between Los Angeles Lakers teammates D'Angelo Russell and Nick Young. Russell secretly filmed Young admitting he cheated on fiancée Iggy Azalea on what he thought was a private Snapchat account. The video was leaked (of course), which garnered a response from Azalea on Twitter, leading to speculation the two will split. Young, and the rest of the LA Lakers, are isolating Russell for such a heinous infringement of the bro code. In fact, none of Russell's teammates would sit next to him at a recent breakfast meeting because the Lakers' organization operates with the maturity of a middle school lunch court. Either way, it'll be interested to see how this rift plays out. We're inclined to think it'll negatively affect the team's performance, but this 16-59 Lakers squad simply could not be any shittier than they already are.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS PHOTO of two parallel universes colliding. Winner gets a Good Old Sport baseball tee just in time for baseball season.

Send your captions to coach@goodoldsport.com

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA. Bulls at Rockets - 7pm on TNT; Clippers at Thunder - 9:30pm on TNT
COLLEGE BASKETBALL. NIT Championship: Valparaiso vs. George Washington - 7pm on ESPN; College Slam Dunk and 3-Point Championships - 9pm on ESPN
GOLF. LPGA Tour: ANA Inspiration, First-Round Play - 12pm on Golf Channel; PGA Tour: Houston Open, First-Round Play - 4pm on Golf Channel
TENNIS. Miami Open: men's quarterfinals and women's semfinals - 1pm and 7pm on ESPN2
FIGURE SKATING. World Championships - 4pm on NBC Sports
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