Ryan Lochte is a dumb shit.
You're probably as tired of hearing about him as we are, so unless he does something even stupider than lying about getting robbed at gunpoint, you won't hear another peep about him from us.
Because of Ryan Lochte's shenanigans, he's lost all four of his sponsors - Speedo
, Gentle Hair Removal
, Airweave Mattresses (because...
), and Ralph Lauren said they won't renew his deal which ran through this year's Olympics. We're not sure if this has sank through Lochte's thick skull (his head whistles in a cross-breeze) but sponsors account for pretty much his entire salary
. Not a good move to become internationally hated. Speaking of being internationally hated, Lochte's only chance for survival might be if this smiling face
chooses the swimmer to endorse his Netflix-esque streaming service called "Manbang."
You can't make this shit up.
We don't think Lochte's lie was meant to be malicious, because we refuse to believe he's capable of devising any sort of plan for anything at all. Seriously. He makes the Kardashians look like Nobel Laureates