Not Tricky Enough, Bad Acting, & Rick Roll'd.
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Monday, December 12, 2016

Quick Hits From Over The Weekend
  • Not Tricky Enough. Despite using a dope trick play to go up 10-0 against five-time defending FCS Champion North Dakota St., South Dakota St. still lost 36-10. North Dakota St. will now take on James Madison in the FCS Semifinal.
  • That's Not My Boy. Word on the street is Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan, who's surprisingly a better actor than football coach (and boy is he a bad actor), may be getting shitcanned as early as this week. We hate saying goodbye, so we won't.
  • Deflategate Round 2. Much like Hollywood, who continues making sequels nobody wants, a second coming of the scandal that wasted two years of your life may be in the works. After last week's 14-24 loss, the New York Giants submitted two footballs to the NFL used by the Pittsburgh Steelers, saying they were underinflated.
  • Ground And Pound. For the first time since 2001, the Army football team beat Navy (21-17), but we're more impressed with both team's commitment to not throwing the football.

The Main Event
John Cena is the man.

The WWE wrestler and Make-A-Wish Foundation record-setter hosted SNL this past week, and showed off his comedic chops. This isn't his first foray in comedy; he was the only funny thing in Amy Schumer's comedy Trainwreck (example 1 and example 2 - shoutout to Koko B. Ware), and starred in some so-terrible-they're-hilarious movies.

As host, Cena ripped on the University of Alabama's academic bias towards student athletes, poked fun at Gronk for being dumb, defeated The Karate Kid (who is the movie's real bully), and threatened to destroy the show's cast.

Just like former WWE wrestler The Rock, John Cena seems like he can do whatever he wants, making those two our choice for President and Vice President in 2020.

Good Sport
Cavs Roll'd.
To celebrate 80's night at Quicken Loans Arena, the Cleveland Cavaliers' traditional introduction video was replaced with the team lip-syncing to Rick Astley's hit song, "Never Gonna Give You Up." Making the home of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame very proud, we're sure.

Bad Sport
NFL Injuries & Their Fantasy Impact
In the midst of a breakout season, San Diego Chargers running back Melvin Gordon was carted off the field in yesterday's game against the Carolina Panthers with a hip injury. Gordon is three-yards short of having a 1,000-yard season, is third in the NFL for total yards from scrimmage, and has 12 total touchdowns. For those who road Gordon's coattails to the fantasy playoffs, you better hope he fakes injuries as much as Paul Pierce. Elsewhere, Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill (who sucks) suffered what is believe to be a torn ACL, but if that has fantasy implications for your team, then we know you're playing in the consolation bracket.

G.O.A.T. of the Weekend (What is G.O.A.T.?)
Lamar Jackson. The Louisville quarterback won the Heisman Trophy, the award given to the most outstanding player in college football, with 2,144 voting points (next closest was Deshaun Watson with 1,524 voting points). Winning the honor at age 19 years and 337 days, Jackson's now the youngest player ever to win the Heisman, and is the best at making us feel the worst for not winning anything of substance in our lives. Check out some of his highlights.

Goat of the Weekend (What's a Goat?)
Lamar Jackson. That's right, the Heisman winner we just mentioned above, already found a way to hurt his NFL future. After the award ceremony, Jackson hung out with former fellow Heisman winner, and guy who apparently struggles spelling the word "things," Jonny Manziel. We don't care how innocent this hotel room chill sesh was, no NFL team wants the future leader of their franchise to have any sort of relationships with this washout, domestic abuser, party fined, Johnny Manziel (who, despite RG3's triumphant return, is still the last quarterback to lead the Cleveland Browns to a win).

Quote of the Weekend
"Jed, you reap what you sow - Fire Baalke." - A plane flying over the 49ers home stadium.

Disappointed with one of the worst seasons in franchise history, rich 49ers fans hired a banner-pulling plane to demand Jed York, the team's president, fire the team's GM, Trent Baalke.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NFL. Ravens at Patriots - 8:15pm on ESPN
NCAA BASKETBALL. Auburn vs. Boston College - 6:30pm on FS1; Jacksonville State at Maryland - 7pm on ESPNU; South Carolina vs. Seton Hall - 9pm on FS1
Link of the Day: This chill AF ref
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