Dave Chappelle, Human Keg, & A Missing Bike.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Gronk Down. Human keg is having carbonation troubles in the form of a punctured lung. That's right, Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski suffered a punctured lung from a big hit during Sunday's loss to Seattle, but still finished the game. He's expected to miss at least a game with the injury.
  • Morris Up. Not wanting to end up like Gronk, NBA player Marcus Morris ducked out of the way of this Russell Westbrook dunk.
  • Bike Watch, 2016. Guy you don't want to stand behind at a Grateful Dead reunion tour, former NBA player Bill Walton is suffering a loss, his bike. Hawaiian Airlines seemed to have lost his two-wheeler. Check out their Tweet convo on the missing baggage.

The Main Event
It's a good day to be LA Dodgers infielder Corey Seager and Detroit Tigers pitcher Mike Fulmer.

These two MLB rookies won the AL and NL Rookie of the Year awards. Insert obligatory movie trailer to Rookie of the Year, starring such A-Listers as the boring guy from American Pie (above), the crazy guy from the Amazon commercials, and Daniel Stern, who's still awesome despite his ongoing fear of spiders.

Seager, who was the Dodgers' first round pick (18th overall) way back in 2012, was wooed away from going to the University of South Carolina by the Dodgers with a $2.35 million dollar signing bonus. Apparently, you can put a price on being uneducated, and it's somewhere in the $2.35 million dollar range. Since being drafted, Seager played in the Dodgers' farm system before being called up in Sept of 2015, then absolutely crushed it, ending the season with a best ever rookie adjusted OPS+ of 137.

Fulmer was drafted by the New York Mets back in 2011, also in the first round (44th pick), but was traded to his current team, the Tigers, for Yoenis Céspedes, and they got their money's worth. Out of 182 rookie pitchers since 1920, Fulmer's WHIP ranked 11th.

These two players make us wish we could only go back and tell the 8-year-old versions of ourselves to stop dancing and focus on the game, fame and money awaits!

NFL Pick 'Em
To switch things up, we’ve decided to lead the Pick ‘Em section by publicly shaming this week’s big loser. Thanks for bringing the stink, Andrew Gibson (3-11). If it wasn’t for you some other poor bumpkin’s name would have been up here. Also of note; our winner this week chose to give themselves a ridiculous nickname. Feel free to do the same next week... it worked for Manuel "The F*ck Did We Just Do" Herrera.

The best of the rest include:

1. Manuel "The F*ck Did We Just Do" Herrera (10-4; 55*)
2. Patrick Malkowski (9-5; 35*)
3. Hunter Eitel (8-6; 40*)
4. Kaitlin Kan (8-6; 38*)
5. Tom Akkala (8-6; 53*)

*Total points estimate for Monday Night Football. Actual: 41

GET YOUR WEEK 11 PICKS IN NOW. Winner gets all the world's gold or a Good Old Sport Koozie... depending on how nice we're feeling. Submission deadline is Thursday, 11/17 at 8:20pm ET.

Good Sport
Boom, Roasted!
Cris Collinsworth finally did something that made us temporarily not hate him, by absolutely destroying annoying Boston-homer asshole Bill Simmons by making fun of his short-lived, terrible HBO show.

Bad Sport
Dope Man.
Bad news, Chicago Bears fans, your miserable season (only 2 wins to 7 losses) just got a lot worse. The only ray of light on the team, wide reciever Alshon Jeffery, just got caught with a PED in his system and will be suspended for four games. The good news? He'll be back in time for playoffs... to watch them at home like the rest of the Bears will be.

Never Forget
Amar'e Stoudemire's got glasses if you need 'em, ref. Never forget.

What to Watch ( All Times Eastern)
NCAA BASKETBALL. Longwood at Stephen F. Austin - 11am on ESPN2; Dayton at Alabama - 1:15pm on ESPN2; Oregon at Baylor - 3:30pm on ESPN2; Maryland at Georgetown - 6:30pm on FS1; Kentucky vs. Michigan State - 7pm on ESPN; Wisconsin at Creighton - 8:30 on FS1; Duke vs. Kansas - 9:30pm on ESPN
SOCCER. England vs. Spain - 3pm on FS1; Panamá vs. México - 8:30pm on TELMUN
NCAA FOOTBALL. Ohio at Central Michigan - 7pm on ESPN2; Kent State at Bowling Green - 7pm on ESPNU
NHL. Lightning at Red Wings - 7:30pm on NBCSN
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