"Randomly" Selected, Bush League, & That's Racist.
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Thursday, April 21, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Finally. Curt Schilling, the ESPN baseball analyst and bigot asshole who once compared Muslims to Nazis, has been fired for posting an anti-transgender meme on his Facebook page along with the comment, "A man is a man no matter what they call themselves." Goodbye, Curt, the pleasure was all yours.
  • Bush League. The Major League Toronto Blue Jays lost on the most bush-league of plays to the Baltimore Orioles last night. Tied 3-3 in the 10th with bases loaded, the Jays' idiot catcher let an extremely catchable ball scurry passed him, handing the Orioles a type of win seldom seen outside of Little League.
  • You're Fired. Having lost three-straight games in their NHL playoff series to the Washington Capitals, the Philadelphia Flyers replaced their hula hoop of a goalie (Steve Mason) in an effort to avoid the sweep. It worked, as new goalie Michal Neuvirth blocked 31 shots in the Flyers' 2-1 win. Steve who? Elsewhere, the Stars and Sharks collected victories to pad their respective series leads to 3-1, while the Panthers got a win to even theirs at 2-2.
  • 0-6. The Charlotte Hornets, Detroit Pistons, and Portland Trail Blazers have won as many NBA playoff games as you have this year: zero. The winless wonders all dropped to 0-2 last night with losses to the Miami Heat, Cleveland Cavaliers, and Los Angeles Clippers, respectively. Here's to a collective 0-12 record by next week.
  • "Randomly Selected." Pittsburgh Steelers running back Le'Veon Bell, who famously had a Cheech & Chong moment with New England Patriots running back LeGarrette Blount when they were both busted for weed in 2014, revealed on Twitter he was selected for a "random drug test" yesterday morning, 4/20. Is that date significant or something?

The Main Event
WHAT?
The Cleveland Cavaliers' 107-90 victory over the Detroit Pistons last night (where they tied an NBA playoff record for 3-pointers, 20) was Cavs star LeBron James' 180th playoff appearance. Relevance? He passed Chicago Bulls legend Michael Jordan (179) for career postseason games.

WHAT ELSE?
LeBron needed just 13 seasons to eclipse what MJ accomplished in 15. But how could LeBron have already passed MJ, who's widely-regarded as the best basketball player of all time? Easy, MJ made some hilariously dumb career moves. Like the time MJ quit basketball in his prime to play baseball for the Chicago White Sox, which proved to be a dumber decision than if golfer Rickie Fowler ditched the PGA Tour to play middle linebacker for the Bears. After a successful return to basketball with the Bulls (shout-out to #45), MJ retired, then unretired to become a member of the heinous Washington Wizards, where he'd go on to play in zero playoff games. These incredibly dense maneuvers shorted a legendary career, and are what ultimately lead to LeBron passing MJ last night. In MJ's defense, first-round playoff series in his day were best of five, now they're best of seven. So there's that.

THOUGHTS?
Slow down, partner, we're not saying LeBron's better than MJ. They've both appeared in the NBA Finals six times, but LeBron's only won two titles compared to MJ's six. Ergo, MJ is still king. Sorry, LeBron, no cutsies in the NBA legacy line.

Good Sport
Extreme Hall Of Fame
Legendary BMX rider Dave Mirra, who killed himself in February, will be inducted into the BMX Hall of Fame on June 11. Mirra was the face of the sport, having medalled in every X Games from its inception in 1995 through 2009. That's all well and good, but we're still waiting for his Hall of Fame nod from MTV as the least-lame extreme athlete to host the Real World/Road Rules Challenge reality show. Offense intended, Jonny Moseley.

Bad Sport
That's Racist
St. Louis Cardinals fans and Chicago Blackhawks right winger Andrew Shaw are keeping it real... ignorant. Crowd microphones picked up Cardinals fans taking a page right out of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by calling Chicago Cubs outfielder Jason Heyward (an African American and former St. Louis Cardinal) a n***er. Meanwhile, Andrew Shaw, after being penalized for interference, channeled the Westboro Baptist Church by shouted "f*ck you, you f*cking f***ot" at a ref. Shaw, who'd clearly fit right in at a Cards game, was given a one-game timeout (suspension) by the NHL to think about what he's done.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Crystal Palace soccer defender Damien Delaney simply has to be a covert operative for Manchester United. That's the only way to explain an abhorrent own goal courtesy of Delaney that helped gift-wrap a 2-0 Man U win over Palace last night.

Good Old Caption
The Philadelphia Eagles coughed up five draft picks (two first-rounders, plus a second, third, and fourth-rounder) in a trade for the Cleveland Browns' No. 2 overall pick in this year's NFL Draft. CAPTION THIS PHOTO of what Howie Roseman (Eagles' executive vice president) will say when he inevitably gets fired two years from now when this shitty trade doesn't work out. Winner gets a Good Old Sport t-shirt and a pair of koozies!

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
MLB. Tigers at Royals - 7pm on Fox Sports 1
NBA PLAYOFFS. Game 3: Thunder at Mavericks - 7pm on TNT (series tied 1-1); Game 3: Warriors at Rockets - 9:30pm on TNT (Warriors lead 2-0)
NHL PLAYOFFS. Game 4: Penguins at Rangers - 7pm on CNBC (Penguins lead 2-1); Game 5: Red Wings at Lightning - 7pm on NBC Sports (Lightning lead 3-1); Game 5: Blackhawks at Blues - 9:30pm on NBC Sports (Blues lead 3-1)
SOCCER. Premier League: Arsenal vs. West Brom - 2:40pm on NBC Sports
GOLF. PGA Tour: Valero Texas Open, First-Round Play - 3pm on Golf Channel; LPGA Tour: Swinging Skirts Classic, First-Round Play - 6pm on Golf Channel
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