Space Jam 2, Freak Show, & Au-Burn One.
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Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Quick Hits

The Main Event
WHAT?
Finding Elvis Presley alive today, discovering proof of the Abominable Snowman, and Leicester City's chances of winning the Premier League at the beginning of the season. All had 5000-1 odds of coming to fruition... and you can probably guess which one just did.

WHAT ELSE?
By virtue of a 2-2 draw between Chelsea and Tottenham yesterday, Leicester City won their first Premier League championship, in what's being called the "most unlikely triumph in the history of team sport." With the help of FWA Footballer of the Year Jamie Vardy, Leicester rose from obscurity to win 22 of its 36 matches this season, which included just three loses (Arsenal x2, Liverpool). A miraculous accomplishment considering Leicester finished 14th (out of 20) the year before, and weren't even in the Premier League the year before that. Now they've won their first top-flight title in 132 years as a team, and are champions of England's top professional soccer league.

THOUGHTS?
Quick, Marty! To the DeLorean! If you would have put $100 bucks down on Leicester in early August you'd be sitting on a $500,000 winning ticket today. Son of a bitch! Not to worry, the Cleveland Browns have been given 200-1 odds to win Super Bowl 51. Let's throw down some coin so we can cash in on the Browns' historic 2016 season! Eh, maybe not.

Good Sport
LeBron Joins The Tune Squad
Director Justin Lin (Fast & Furious 6, Star Trek Beyond) has signed on to write and direct "Space Jam 2," which is set to star LeBron James. Although the nostalgia-fueled hype machine will be firing on all cylinders until the film's release, Space Jam 2 figures to disappoint, just like any other 1990's revival (looking at you Fuller House, Point Break, and Dumb and Dumber To). Until then, we'll be waiting with hopeless optimism while slammin' our Space Jam pogs.

Honorable Mention: God may or may not hate golf, but he certainly hates the PGA Tour's Zurich Classic of New Orleans tournament, which, after days of delays due to shit weather, mercilessly concluded yesterday with a win for American Brian Stuard (his first PGA Tour victory).

Bad Sport
Schilling & Gibson
ESPN aired a 30 for 30 on Sunday before the Red Sox's 8-7 win over the Yankees about the two teams' historic ALCS playoff series against each other in 2004, albeit with the notable omission of Curt Schilling's inspiring "bloody sock" performance in Game 6. ESPN claimed they cut Schilling's heroics due to timing, but Schilling wasn't haven't it, going as far as to put his World Series ring up for sale in protest. Despite being a social goober, Schilling was perhaps the most memorable part of the World Series run, making his omission as blatant as taking Mel Gibson out of a Braveheart airing. Regardless of how you may feel about nutbag Gibson on a personal level, the story's gonna lose some gusto if you cut out William Wallace's heroics.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Four Auburn University football players were arrested for Au-burning one this past weekend, and will face second-degree misdemeanor marijuana-possession charges.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Clearly jealous of Dee Gordon hogging the PED spotlight, LA Dodgers pitcher Josh Ravin went and got himself suspended for 80 days without pay after testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Never Forget
That keeping your eye on the ball isn't always the best practice in sports. Never forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA PLAYOFFS. Game 1: Heat at Raptors - 8pm on TNT; Game 2: Trail Blazers at Warriors - 10:30pm on TNT (Warriors lead 1-0)
NHL PLAYOFFS. Game 3: Lightning at Islanders - 7pm on NBC Sports (series tied 1-1); Game 3: Sharks at Predators - 9pm on USA (Sharks lead 2-0); Game 3: Stars at Blues - 9:30pm on NBC Sports (series tied 1-1)
SOCCER. Champions League: Bayern Munich vs. Atlético Madrid - 2:30pm on Fox Sports 1
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