The Keith Richards Of Baseball, Pros vs. Joes, & When Bats Attack.
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Thursday, June 2, 2016

Quick Hits
  • A Father's Praise. After a 21-33 start to the season, including a 16-4 loss on Tuesday, San Diego Padres Executive Chairman Ron Fowler called his own team "miserable failures." Thanks, dad, that's just the boost we needed.
  • Soccer Isn't Hockey. If the San Jose Sharks spent more time practicing hockey and less time practicing soccer, which they literally did before last night's game, they may not have lost 2-1 to the Pittsburgh Penguins in overtime, which put the Sharks in a 2-0 hole in the Stanley Cup Finals.
  • Pros Vs. Joes. Professional boxers were just cleared to fight in the Olympics, where traditionally only amateur boxers were allowed. This is causing concern that mismatches between pros and amateurs will be prevalent, not that rampant doping at the Olympics hasn't created an uneven playing field since... always.
  • Man Of Mystery. Thanks to his hilarious disguises, Shaq went undercover as a Lyft driver to punk riders in a thinly-veiled plug for the rideshare service. How the hell these passengers couldn't tell Shaq from a regular-sized human being is beyond us.
  • Game Of Zones. Get ready for tonight's Game 1 of the NBA Finals by watching the latest episode of Game of Zones, an NBA and Game of Thrones mashup. On this episode, James Harden receives a parchment from "Warriors" with the message "Your Defense Is Weak AF," while LeBron James travels to Golden State.

The Main Event
Put on your finest Fox Racing t-shirt, slap a Metal Mulisha decal on your lifted truck, and crack open a can of Monster Energy, because today's Bro Christmas in the sports world. The Summer X Games start today in Austin, Texas, and will feature the world's top skateboard, BMX, and motocross athletes.

If you thought extreme sports were a young man's game, you'd be right. However, there's plenty of dusty old farts (by X Games standards) looking to make an impact at this year's games. 39-year-old skateboarder Bob Burnquist will look to add to his 30 career X Games medals (most all time) during his 25th X Games. Fellow skateboarder, and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater alum, Bucky Lasek is favored to grab gold in vert despite being 43, while 44-year-old BMXer Jamie Bestwick, who won nine-consecutive gold medals until last year, will try to reclaim his vert throne. There'll also be a tribute at the games to late old-timer Dave Mirra, who was one of the most decorated and liked X Games athletes of all time. Check out the full schedule of events here, which includes a performance by long-time bro favorite; Blink 182.

The States won 40 of the 64 total medals at last year's games, including 13 golds. Here's to U.S. athletes continuing their streak of X Games ass-kickery.

Good Sport
I'm Rich, Bitch
Unlike George Costanza, if you ever see tennis superstar Novak Djokovic leaning when he sits, it’s because his wallet is stacked with Benjamins, not hard candy and receipts. With his latest victory at The French Open, the world No. 1 tennis player became the sport's all-time leader in career earnings, eclipsing $100 million. It’s a fat cherry on top for Djokovic, who will move on to the quarterfinals at the Open.

Honorable Mention: Not only are the Kansas City Royals killing it in All-Star voting (thanks to their insanely passionate fans), they've overcome a slow start, won their last six games in a row, and are in first place in the AL Central.

Honorable Mention: Oregon beat Texas in sudden death to win their first NCAA men's golf title.

Bad Sport
Party Like A Rock Star
Marlon Byrd of the Cleveland Indians is the Keith Richards of MLB; he's old as hell and loves his drugs. The 38-year-old outfielder was suspended 162 games for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs. The lengthy sentence was due in part to his previous positive test for PEDs in 2012, for which he served a 50-game suspension.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Come next season, Baylor University may not have enough players on their football squad to field a team. In the wake of a sexual assault scandal involving the team/school, seven Baylor recruits have asked to be released from their letters of intent. Walk-ons, apparently, will be more than welcome.

Good Old Caption
CAPTION THIS GIF of a baseball bat attacking Cleveland Indians infielder Francisco Lindor. Winner gets a Good Old Sport baseball tee and a pair of koozies to keep their beers ice cold and hands toasty warm.

Send your captions to

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA FINALS. Game 1: Cavaliers at Warriors - 9pm on ABC
SOCCER. International Friendly: England vs. Portugal - 2:30pm on Fox Sports 1; Women's International Friendly: U.S. vs. Japan - 9:30pm on Fox Sports 1
GOLF. Nordea Masters, First-Round Play - 9am on Golf Channel; PGA Tour: Memorial Tournament, First-Round Play - 3:30pm on Golf Channel
X GAMES. X Games Austin: Moto X; Flat-Track Racing - 8:30pm on ESPN
WOMEN'S SOFTBALL. Women's College World Series: Game 1 - 12pm on ESPN; Women's College World Series: Game 2 - 2:30pm on ESPN2; Women's College World Series: Game 3 - 7pm on ESPN2; Women's College World Series: Game 4 - 9:30pm on ESPN2
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