No Girls Club, Peer Pressure, & Do Or Die.
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Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Quick Hits
  • Do or Die. Unlike black people in scary movies, the Dallas Stars and Nashville Predators are still alive. The Stars beat the St. Louis Blues 3-2 and the Predators took down the San Jose Sharks 4-3 in OT. Both series have now reached Game 7, with the winner of each advancing to the Conference Finals.
  • Bee's Knees. Despite waiting until there was 4:35 left in the 4th quarter to make his first 3-pointer, Steph Curry's triumphant return from a knee injury was exactly that, triumphant. He scored a game-high 40-points and lead his Golden State Warriors to a 132-125, OT victory over the Portland Trail Blazers, taking a 3-1 series lead.
  • Sloppy Showing. In our third, and by far the ugliest, OT playoff game of the night, the Miami Dwyane Wades defeated the Toronto Raptors 94-87 to tie the series (2-2). If you're asking, "why are they calling the Miami Heat, the Miami Dwyane Wades?" It's because this is team's next best player.
  • That's Not How It Works, Ja. Ja Rule says the joke is on us because he thinks Michael Jordan gets $1 million every time the "Crying Jordan Meme" is used. No, Ja, the joke is clearly on you.
  • Strasburg Staying Put. The Washington Nationals locked up star pitcher Stephen Strasburg with a monster 7-year contract extension worth $175 million, or 175 Crying Jordan Meme mentions.
  • ESPN NFL Shake-Up. Ray Lewis, who went through an OJ-esque murder trial, and Cris Carter, who told rookie NFL players to have a "fall guy" in case of legal trouble, are finally out at ESPN. As for the non-douchebags, MNF play-by-play announcer Mike Tirico is moving on to NBC, while Randy Moss, Matt Hasselbeck, and Charles Woodson will fill the holes at ESPN.
  • No Girls Club. Speaking of people on their way out of a job, Fox Sports DayBreak host Mike North said if ESPN analyst Jessica Mendoza was a man she'd already be fired. What's worse, Fox Sports Radio's official Twitter account posted his statement in a since-deleted Tweet. North tried to save himself by explaining he isn't sexist, but it certainly had that "I'm not racist, but... " feel to it.

The Main Event
The 2016 Invictus Games are this week, which are a Paralympic-style multi-sport event created for wounded, injured, and/or sick service persons.

The games originated in the United Kingdom, and were created by Prince Harry (the better, less English-looking one), who was inspired by the U.S.-based Warrior Games and his own experience in Afghanistan. The second edition of the Invictus Games (the first being in 2014) features 500 athletes from 14 countries competing in sports like swimming, sitting volleyball, track and field, and much more. Prince Harry, Michelle Obama, and Morgan Freeman were on hand for the opening ceremonies in Orlando this past Sunday, because who better to inspire athletes and viewers alike than Freeman and his scientifically-proven awesome voice. The games conclude on Friday, hopefully with a boatload of wins for the States.

Mad respect to Prince Harry for putting such an inspiring event together. His clear compassion for others made us almost forget about his nude, drunken penthouse party in Las Vegas... almost.

Good Sport
That's Obvious
In news you would expect to hear from John Madden or's Captain Obvious, Steph Curry of the Golden State Warriors will reportedly win his second-consecutive NBA Most Valuable Player Award. Curry shattered his own NBA record for most three-pointers made in a season by hitting 402 shots from downtown (previous record was 286). He was also just the third player in NBA history to lead the league in points and steals (per game) en route to the Dubs' NBA-record 73-win season. We're sure John Madden would point to Curry being the best at scoring as to why he was named the MVP. Like Madden always said, "usually the team that scores the most points wins the game."

Honorable Mention: The Chicago Cubs have won seven games in a row, and are off to the hottest start to an MLB season since Ghostbusters hit theaters. No, not the new, shitty-looking one, the good one (1984)

Bad Sport
The Superman Of Terrible Things
Judging by the Superman chest-tattoo in his mugshot, Jose Reyes is the Man of Steel of domestic violence... and MLB commissioner Rob Manfred is his kryptonite. The Colorado Rockies infielder is expected to receive a 60-80 game suspension for grabbing his wife's throat and shoving her into a sliding glass door.

Peer Pressure
In a 60 Minutes "tell all" interview, a pair of Russian athletes detailed their country's state-sponsored system of doping at the Sochi Olympics. Their reasoning for participating in the system was, "it's hard to believe you're doing something wrong when everybody around you says it's right." Ah, we know that one. We pulled out the same excuse when our moms learned a doobie had been passed around at prom.

Never Forget
That baseball time is selfie time. Never Forget.

What to Watch (All Times Eastern)
NBA PLAYOFFS. Game 5: Thunder at Spurs - 8pm on TNT (series tied 2-2)
NHL PLAYOFFS. Game 6: Capitals at Penguins - 8pm on NBC Sports (Penguins lead 3-2)
SOCCER. Premier League: West Ham vs. Manchester United - 2:40pm on NBC Sports
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